Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
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Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Top comments
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
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Comments (154)
firefly319 7
It's sad that your husband reacted that way. I personally think that your daughter is incredibly smart. She asked a question like that while other 5 year olds are struggling with basic sentences. You have an intelligent one on your hands.
OhDearBetrayal 25
That girl is going to be mentally scarred for a very long time if she gets the birds and the bees talk at five. I shudder just thinking about knowing how it works at that age.
DontWalkAway 8
Aw, that seems kinda mean. She's only five. Seems like a pretty reasonable question for a five-year-old to me.
stitesy29 18
Nnnnnice
aliay 5
Hilarious. I still dont get the derp derp part though.
combatbunny 9
Awesome troll dad strikes again.
SpaceCadet87 0
It was cute till your husband killed the humor.
FalconSam1414 19
Actually, I think your kid had a very intelligent guess there. I never thought THAT up! What a smart cookie she is! :3 kids are cute!!!
zarnack21 3
Give that man a medal.
cutiee108 5
I don't get it?