Miscellaneous: Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be...

By xXfloatingshitlogXx - 03/11/2012 16:04 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 022

You deserved it 2 150

Miscellaneous

Good kid

Badass

Delayed

By xetsa - 13/02/2010 05:23 - France

Today, I realized for the last year that my husband has been home from Iraq, I haven't gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night. Not because he gets nightmares, but because he now snores so loud that the pets sleep at the other end of the house to get rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 654

You deserved it 3 222

Unionize

By blah! - 13/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 433

By son - 18/03/2010 11:15 - Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 175

You deserved it 4 259

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 786

You deserved it 4 542

By FatRunner - 05/11/2009 07:41 - New Zealand

Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 895

You deserved it 5 258

By mike - 04/09/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I was digging in the backyard when my mom came out, nodded her head approvingly, and with a straight face told me it was good practice for when I inevitably go to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 093

You deserved it 4 509

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 18:47 - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 850

You deserved it 3 002

By Anonymous - 22/01/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 956

You deserved it 28 544

By meh - 31/10/2016 15:43

Today, at work, a guy tried to buy me for a dollar. I've only been there a week and it's the third time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 298

You deserved it 705

By anonymous - 19/03/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 932

You deserved it 24 929

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 12:43 - Canada - Bedford

Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 785

You deserved it 1 520

By C0olgirl - 03/04/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 533

You deserved it 225 728

My Love Life in a Nutshell

By shadybarbie - 29/07/2017 13:00

Today, I was at a concert and I thought the cute drummer was winking at me, so I winked back. Then I realized he was blinking sweat out his eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 466

You deserved it 856

By fecurtis - 23/01/2009 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 549

You deserved it 13 339

By FranticFarAwayDaughter - 16/11/2017 19:00

Today, my mother was transferred from the hospital to a long-term care facility. Nobody I talk to at the hospital knows what facility they sent her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 653

You deserved it 204

By misc - 08/02/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 474

You deserved it 51 152

By Anonymous - 22/09/2014 17:41 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 496

You deserved it 3 083

By anon - 12/10/2010 21:52 - United States

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 133

You deserved it 4 169

Stuck

By Forgetfull - 02/02/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 719

You deserved it 26 549

By D.J. - 25/01/2014 01:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 836

You deserved it 6 493

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 16:54 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 591

You deserved it 1 791

Big Baby

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 00:30

Today, I flushed the toilet while my boyfriend was showering. He responded by throwing a huge fit, saying how if he “gets a cold” from being “forced” to shower in cold water, I’m gonna “have to stay home and take care of him until he’s better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 261

By anon - 04/06/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 069

You deserved it 103 110

Traitor!

By maricela - 14/05/2021 07:58

Today, I found out why my boyfriend didn’t want me to attend his graduation: because a classmate he’s been seeing was there. I watched through the livestream posted on the school website as they held hands, hugged and kissed. I motivated him to finish college in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 85

By Username - 27/05/2011 02:39

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 027

You deserved it 4 426

By Oops - 10/06/2013 11:22 - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 138

You deserved it 13 795

I am the law

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 06:03

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 344

By FMluck - 26/02/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 480

You deserved it 67 486

By rolled - 27/01/2018 01:30

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 197

You deserved it 479

By justpeachy - 08/03/2010 20:27 - United States

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 439

You deserved it 2 531

By Anonymous - 04/11/2017 05:00

Today, while making deliveries, a lady answered the door stark naked and invited me in. I'm a young single guy so I went for it, but her husband was also there, ready to go with an enormous boner, so I ran to my van and went back to the depot. They reported me for bad customer service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 2 703

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 25/05/2011 05:21 - Canada

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 437

You deserved it 3 621

Values

By mira - 13/03/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom I was leaving early to give my boyfriend a ride to work. She asked me why on Earth I’m even attracted to someone who doesn’t have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 363

By comics over coatis - 04/04/2017 12:00

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 278

You deserved it 2 486

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 297

You deserved it 29 152

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 15:53 - France

Today, I went to the airport with my mom, who requested a wheelchair for me, since I have a broken leg. I'm 24. Embarrassed, I insisted I push myself around, instead of an airline assistant doing it. A few seconds later, I crash into the same airline assistant, who then falls back into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 101

You deserved it 29 714

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 19:11 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 297

You deserved it 5 688

By Megara - 15/03/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 144

You deserved it 13 138

Public surprise

By Pants-Girl - 24/11/2019 08:00 - Canada

Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 2 446

By detour165 - 26/12/2013 05:30 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, while staying at my brother's place for the Christmas holidays, I had to leave because he threatened to "take me outside". Apparently he doesn't like being corrected on whether a certain car has a long wheel base version, so I guess the family Christmas is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 3 709

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Top comments

brittanyrmh_ 12

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Sunday 4 November 2012 0:57

Well, on the bright side, think about what he'll look like when he loses weight!

Jeffo193 13

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Sunday 4 November 2012 0:55

Leave candles all over the place.

Jeffo193 13

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Sunday 4 November 2012 0:55

Leave candles all over the place.

meganfoxissexy 0

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Sunday 4 November 2012 1:04

Well OP... if you can't beat em, join em

rocker_chick105 31

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Sunday 4 November 2012 1:13

^ Honestly do you ever reply about the original comment or do you just try to get people to see your comments?

meganfoxissexy 0

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Sunday 4 November 2012 1:32

Yes I do. Thank you for your concern, though.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 4 November 2012 1:42

Okay, giant eyeball.

meganfoxissexy 0

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Sunday 4 November 2012 1:49

Giant green eyes. Aghh best compliment everrrr :3

DoubleCross 9

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Sunday 4 November 2012 4:56

Damn you just don't stop

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 4 November 2012 5:25

I think he's running on energizer batteries. Somebody snipe the energizer bunny!

Jeffo193 13

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Sunday 4 November 2012 14:21

Ugh, why have i been assigned a Justin Bieber picture!?! >_

ryrock310 10

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Sunday 4 November 2012 17:31

Pictures aren't "assigned"......

Bullshitticus 19

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Thursday 15 September 2016 8:53

What if he enjoys that?

bach2121 13

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Sunday 4 November 2012 0:56

LOVE IT!

budnut 10

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Sunday 4 November 2012 5:58

Why?!

HairyPunisher 27

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Sunday 4 November 2012 21:24

I guess 2's a chubby chaser. Hey more power to you.

brittanyrmh_ 12

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Sunday 4 November 2012 0:57

Well, on the bright side, think about what he'll look like when he loses weight!

djgoreo 12

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Sunday 4 November 2012 3:22

I think he still doesn't want to see an only slightly obese guy exercising naked.

djgoreo 12

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Sunday 4 November 2012 3:25

^ Screw not checking the gender before making an assuming comment :(

unknown_user5566 26

Sunday 4 November 2012 3:32

50- Regardless of the gender, you're right. I doubt she wants her male roommate prancing around the house naked, no matter what size he is.

ncisfan14 0

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Sunday 4 November 2012 5:25

Unless she's dating him, why is she roommates with a man?

TurquoiseJesus 15

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Sunday 4 November 2012 6:52

60- so what you are saying is that men and women aren't allowed to save money together? If OP doesn't want to pay rent all by herself, God forbid that she does

TurquoiseJesus 15

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Sunday 4 November 2012 6:54

*God forbid that she finds a roommate on the internet who happens to have a penis ( or other way around).

AKGirlinSD 20

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Sunday 4 November 2012 8:38

I always had male roommates, lived with my now ex-fiance, and I'm a female. Now I live alone but I didn't know people think it is an issue for opposite sexes to roommate together of they aren't a couple. I also agree with this thread that I don't think OP wants to see her roommate naked, even when he gets in shape.

ncisfan14 0

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Monday 5 November 2012 6:46

I'm not saying its bad. I'm saying, if she has a issue with her male roommate exercising nude, than why dose she have a male roommate. I honestly wouldn't care if I had a male roommate and he was exercising nude but I would ask him to please do it someplace more privet like his room or the bathroom.