Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About...

By poseidon5213 - 17/5/2012 22:02 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML

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Work

Time for the ER

Basic Instinct

Mystery

By Sniffles - 26/4/2014 12:28 - Ireland

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a rehearsal for a musical I'm in. I've worked my arse off to get the songs I sing in place and sounding good. Unfortunately, my coworkers haven't. Now the director wants to cut the songs I'm in because, "the people you're working with make you look shit." FML

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By kaydebug - 15/8/2018 03:30

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

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By danielesnaranjo - 31/10/2019 16:00

Drunk online shopping FTW!

Today, after waking up with the worst hangover in years, I got a bank notification that my credit card was maxed out. Apparently, I bought a $1500 plane ticket for my ex-girlfriend to come over this weekend. She’s in South America. FML

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By young and dumb - 27/8/2016 06:27 - United States - Trenton

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 10:35 - Norway

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

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By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/8/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

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By Sheggie - 30/1/2010 05:06 - Australia

Today, I found a wallet belonging to some guy, it had $355 inside. Because he had his address written inside, I decided to return it hoping for a reward. I drove for 40 mins and finally got to his house during peak hour. All he did was say "oh cool". FML

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By notsogoodtrainee - 9/7/2015 17:02 - United States - Fargo

Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around the corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced him self to me as the head manager. FML

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By holymoly - 5/9/2012 06:12 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2013 00:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

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By shitty candles - 1/12/2014 07:30 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

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By katharine - 15/3/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I was daydreaming in bed when my phone rang from across the room. I scrambled out of my covers, tripped over a pair of boots I had by the bed, and slipped on some jeans laying on the floor. Luckily, I answered my phone in time, but only to have my mom tell me to clean my room before she got home. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2011 23:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

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By omgwhyme - 8/1/2012 14:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2009 12:02 - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML

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By Nursr187 - 21/1/2018 15:00

Today, my wife asked me to back up all the photos and videos from our desktop computer so I synced it with my Google account. Every graphic picture and video my wife and I have ever exchanged was sent to all 3 of our children's tablets. My daughter cried all night. FML

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By youlovewaffles - 3/8/2019 04:00

Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML

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By screwed. - 3/2/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

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By johnboy - 9/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

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By Michael - 5/6/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

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By yamada - 25/2/2011 10:15 - Singapore

Today, all the staff in my company were forced to attend an evening Chippendale show. Everyone in my department managed to think of a good reason to escape while I failed and no other choice but to go. I'm the only guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 12:52 - United Kingdom

Still got game

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2017 14:44

Today, I had to follow a diversion route home due to roadworks. It took me an hour longer than usual to get home. Too bad it turns out that the diversion was only for traffic, not people walking. FML

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By Cannot Unknow - 21/1/2017 16:00

Today, my wife and I drove to the other side of the country to attend a swinger party where we thought no one knew us. So did my parents. FML

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By num1piglover - 16/11/2016 22:55 - United States - Raritan

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

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By iris - 18/5/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

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By SKG95 - 22/8/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

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By bees - 9/10/2014 06:51 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

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By NormtheNorm - 21/9/2019 15:00 - United States - Enterprise

Bipartisan spirit

Today, I told my conservative friends over dinner that I was a bit of a liberal. They then went off on me about how liberals are lazy, stupid, and a financial burden on society. I was the only employed person at the table with a college degree and not living with my parents. FML

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By welcometothefamily - 26/2/2011 14:03 - United States

Today, a guy who I have known for a long time confessed his love to me. It would have been sweet except that he will become my stepbrother in 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 14:23 - United States - Marshall

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

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By Hello condoms and lube - 9/2/2016 21:53 - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2013 23:14 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

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By Forever alone - 1/5/2015 14:24 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

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By MadMax - 16/7/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

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By not_very_smart - 24/7/2013 06:44 - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

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Top comments

By easyprey | 8

#4450544 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:18

If you spin the sign fast enough maybe it would of dried you off

By WCARlover | 34

#4450558 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:21

Those prostitutes are defensive of their corners!

COMMENTS

By easyprey | 8

#4450544 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:18

If you spin the sign fast enough maybe it would of dried you off

wallandpiece | 16

#4450581 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:26

"One of those sign spinners". Sorry for being pedantic, but shouldn't you know your own job title?

luckyd880 | 12

#4450588 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:28

How silly of him.

"professional sign spinner"

Il_Maestro | 6

#4450608 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:34

He prefers the term "Advertising Motion Engineer."

thejewishfuhrer | 17

#4450693 - Friday 18 May 2012 10:13

If he spins the sign too fast though, he may start flying..

hecallsmedarlin | 7

#4450786 - Friday 18 May 2012 11:38

Why are you all assuming he's a boy... The people saying "bitch get off my corner" I would assume OP is a girl....
Maybe I'm wrong though. Usually on this site I see either a female symbol or male symbol, this I see none...

reddudeover | 2

#4451135 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:09

34 - Guys get called "bitches" all the time.

AnyaS | 19

#4451166 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:28

Would have*

Krysk_fml | 0

#4451242 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:49

28- That would be awesome.

hecallsmedarlin | 7

#4451395 - Friday 18 May 2012 15:46

43 - but guys never are the ones getting told to get off of someone else's corner....I'm jus sayin, sounds like 'actual' bitches' to me:)

I have nothin else..
Back to bed I go; goooodnight all:)

reddudeover | 2

#4451503 - Friday 18 May 2012 16:07

There are male prostitutes too.

Alright off to bed with you. :p

By mrsmillsy | 10

#4450546 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:19

That sucks, poor you :(

SliceOfCake | 9

#4452561 - Friday 18 May 2012 20:50

1) Scroll up on the page
2) Notice your at FML.com
3) Figure out what FML means
4) Reread your comment
5) Be ashamed.

By TheGewt | 7

#4450548 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:19

Watch out for the guy in the big purple coat. He means business.

TheGewt | 7

#4450600 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:31

Also if you see a guy in a purple dinosaur costume his name is Tim, but he likes to be called Barney. He is crazy and you should run from him.

lorenzoman77 | 7

#4451178 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:31

Maybe OP could throw the sign at them next time?

By daveclark4207 | 0

#4450549 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:19

Ha ha ha

ycrem0n | 20

#4450662 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:57

I'm going to type "lol" so people will know that I laughed.
lol

nikkon416 | 13

#4450929 - Friday 18 May 2012 12:44

.... Out loud

By Mirorbo | 26

#4450551 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:19

It was probably a hot day anyways. Despite the rudeness, there had to have been some relief, right?

By WCARlover | 34

#4450558 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:21

Those prostitutes are defensive of their corners!

Ruffclue | 9

#4450738 - Friday 18 May 2012 10:42

Its time for dem hoes to divide and conquer.

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4451392 - Friday 18 May 2012 15:45

Spread their legs and fly!

ebonyirony | 29

#4451419 - Friday 18 May 2012 15:50

Awful mental image

By Naith | 14

#4450559 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:21

Look it at this way maybe you will attract more attention this way

coried91 | 28

#4451156 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:19

Was there really a need to say "this way" at the end of your sentence when you said in the beginning already?

RedPillSucks | 31

#4451454 - Friday 18 May 2012 15:57

generally agree, but each "this way" had a different meaning.

By KnightAngela1109 | 10

#4450561 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:21

Well.......You were on her corner, number one rule don't mess with a bitches money.

Il_Maestro | 6

#4450614 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:36

It's highly likely that the OP's employers do not have the same target audience as a prostitute. Either that or I am completely oblivious to those sign spinning sex workers...

By Xythenol | 6

#4450562 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:22

I sure hope you got off their corner before their pimp claimed you as one of his own.

By djoiced | 6

#4450567 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:22

I feel sorry for you