Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About...

By poseidon5213 - 17/5/2012 22:02 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML

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Work

Caught red-handed

Great boyfriend

The student becomes the master

By Idk - 29/5/2014 06:46 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

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By tinfoilnirvana - 30/4/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went for lunch at a Chinese restaurant near my home that I have never eaten at before. It was so good I went back tonight for more, and the restaurant has been boarded up. It is closed due to food contamination. Inspections happened today. I ate contaminated food for lunch today. FML

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By La Guigne - 8/4/2013 21:10 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

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By Nearly blind - 7/10/2018 17:30

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

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By Claire.L - 10/5/2020 20:00

Catch 22

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

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By psycho ex - 3/5/2013 00:16 - Brazil

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

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By Jamestown of Vagina - 13/9/2014 14:36 - United States - Houston

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

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By randommanwill - 16/2/2016 20:22 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad got angry with me for not watching "Better Call Saul" with him, because he thinks it will help me with law school. He did this while I was actually reading for a class taught by the top health law professor in the country. FML

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By browniepoints - 7/2/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2015 10:22 - Australia

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

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By WishesWasDeaf - 31/1/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

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By Noname - 10/3/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

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By anniecook - 27/11/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

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By ironyisabitch - 2/6/2012 05:43 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

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By okseñoryoucrazy - 2/2/2015 00:43 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2014 15:50 - United States

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

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By anonymous - 19/8/2013 05:41 - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2016 04:31 - United States - Havertown

Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML

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By anonymous - 22/10/2014 02:11 - United States - Levittown

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2015 07:01 - United States

Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML

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By allennn - 14/3/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

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By Ewt - 6/12/2019 05:00 - Canada - Victoria

Not a joke!

Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

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By lemongrab - 18/5/2014 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she bought wouldn't turn on, and that she wanted a refund. She yelled and shoved the laptop at me, not even listening when I told her I didn't even work at that store. FML

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By aaaa - 25/9/2018 17:30

Today, while helping a child through a tantrum, I was kicked and my hand broke. The bone is completely in half and fixing it will require plates, screws, and surgery along with months of recovery. Another day on the job. FML

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By frenchfrypotater - 24/9/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

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By lol - 6/12/2009 14:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

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By anon - 22/5/2015 02:22 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

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By stepshart - 21/8/2014 19:30 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

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By montextes - 25/7/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it's her way of communicating, even when we're in the same room. FML

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By badenoughflowers - 14/1/2013 15:47 - United States - Ben Wheeler

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 08:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

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By Silverfeathery - 2/12/2014 02:06

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

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By phukt - 19/5/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

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By CHStennis_4 - 3/9/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

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By bad luck skier - 30/12/2014 20:28 - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

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By seriously wtf - 8/3/2013 03:18 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, in my architecture class, my professor's lecture consisted of a list of movies and books which feature characters who are architects. I couldn't leave because I needed the attendance points, and it lasted 45 minutes. I paid out of state tuition for this. FML

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By GeofftyGeoff - 27/10/2018 15:30

Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2014 20:07 - Switzerland

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

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By Ibrowtheedge - 16/8/2018 20:30

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

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By clewie - 31/8/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

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Top comments

By easyprey | 8

#4450544 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:18

If you spin the sign fast enough maybe it would of dried you off

By WCARlover | 34

#4450558 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:21

Those prostitutes are defensive of their corners!

Comments

By easyprey | 8

#4450544 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:18

If you spin the sign fast enough maybe it would of dried you off

wallandpiece | 16

#4450581 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:26

"One of those sign spinners". Sorry for being pedantic, but shouldn't you know your own job title?

luckyd880 | 12

#4450588 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:28

How silly of him.

"professional sign spinner"

Il_Maestro | 6

#4450608 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:34

He prefers the term "Advertising Motion Engineer."

thejewishfuhrer | 17

#4450693 - Friday 18 May 2012 10:13

If he spins the sign too fast though, he may start flying..

hecallsmedarlin | 7

#4450786 - Friday 18 May 2012 11:38

Why are you all assuming he's a boy... The people saying "bitch get off my corner" I would assume OP is a girl....
Maybe I'm wrong though. Usually on this site I see either a female symbol or male symbol, this I see none...

reddudeover | 2

#4451135 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:09

34 - Guys get called "bitches" all the time.

AnyaS | 19

#4451166 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:28

Would have*

Krysk_fml | 0

#4451242 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:49

28- That would be awesome.

hecallsmedarlin | 7

#4451395 - Friday 18 May 2012 15:46

43 - but guys never are the ones getting told to get off of someone else's corner....I'm jus sayin, sounds like 'actual' bitches' to me:)

I have nothin else..
Back to bed I go; goooodnight all:)

reddudeover | 2

#4451503 - Friday 18 May 2012 16:07

There are male prostitutes too.

Alright off to bed with you. :p

By mrsmillsy | 10

#4450546 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:19

That sucks, poor you :(

SliceOfCake | 9

#4452561 - Friday 18 May 2012 20:50

1) Scroll up on the page
2) Notice your at FML.com
3) Figure out what FML means
4) Reread your comment
5) Be ashamed.

By TheGewt | 7

#4450548 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:19

Watch out for the guy in the big purple coat. He means business.

TheGewt | 7

#4450600 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:31

Also if you see a guy in a purple dinosaur costume his name is Tim, but he likes to be called Barney. He is crazy and you should run from him.

lorenzoman77 | 7

#4451178 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:31

Maybe OP could throw the sign at them next time?

By daveclark4207 | 0

#4450549 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:19

Ha ha ha

ycrem0n | 20

#4450662 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:57

I'm going to type "lol" so people will know that I laughed.
lol

nikkon416 | 13

#4450929 - Friday 18 May 2012 12:44

.... Out loud

By Mirorbo | 26

#4450551 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:19

It was probably a hot day anyways. Despite the rudeness, there had to have been some relief, right?

By WCARlover | 34

#4450558 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:21

Those prostitutes are defensive of their corners!

Ruffclue | 9

#4450738 - Friday 18 May 2012 10:42

Its time for dem hoes to divide and conquer.

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4451392 - Friday 18 May 2012 15:45

Spread their legs and fly!

ebonyirony | 29

#4451419 - Friday 18 May 2012 15:50

Awful mental image

By Naith | 14

#4450559 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:21

Look it at this way maybe you will attract more attention this way

coried91 | 28

#4451156 - Friday 18 May 2012 14:19

Was there really a need to say "this way" at the end of your sentence when you said in the beginning already?

RedPillSucks | 31

#4451454 - Friday 18 May 2012 15:57

generally agree, but each "this way" had a different meaning.

By KnightAngela1109 | 10

#4450561 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:21

Well.......You were on her corner, number one rule don't mess with a bitches money.

Il_Maestro | 6

#4450614 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:36

It's highly likely that the OP's employers do not have the same target audience as a prostitute. Either that or I am completely oblivious to those sign spinning sex workers...

By Xythenol | 6

#4450562 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:22

I sure hope you got off their corner before their pimp claimed you as one of his own.

By djoiced | 6

#4450567 - Friday 18 May 2012 9:22

I feel sorry for you