Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair.... - FML

By curlyisnogood - 10/1/2011 00:19

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

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Proactive

Peaky Bladders

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By need an appendickectomy - 17/3/2013 20:12 - Finland

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

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By woohoo420 - 4/4/2012 16:14 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 23:01

Don't shoot the messenger

Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML

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By crazytortise - 6/10/2016 02:40 - United States

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

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By thepokemonkid - 27/2/2013 05:03 - United States - Avon

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

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By DamnDominoes - 10/6/2009 11:39 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 21:03 - Australia - Perth

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2017 17:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, the cashier at the local grocery store in my area said that I don't look a day over 40. I'm 28. FML

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By Anonytard - 2/3/2014 22:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

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By wookieewhosshe - 18/5/2019 12:30

Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

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By notahomewrecker - 9/1/2010 16:07 - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I'd been seeing for a few weeks. It was his wife calling to find out what was going on with us. He told me he was separated. He left his kids home alone to hook up with me. FML

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By Ravenclaw/Puckwudgie - 9/5/2017 00:00

Today, I got a haircut and met up with a friend for lunch. Said friend then burst out laughing, saying my haircut made me look like Professor Snape. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2013 00:16 - United States - Irving

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

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By miabun - 14/2/2017 06:02 - United States - Breinigsville

Cling Alert

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 16:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

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By namhtor - 28/9/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

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By hannahlorraine - 25/11/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2020 17:08

Motormouth

Today, my boyfriend and I were riding in the back seat of his mom’s car and she kept talking at him non-stop. He responded only in grunts. When at some point I informed her that her son had been asleep for several minutes, she just kept on talking to him anyway. FML

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By cereal stepper - 23/10/2016 09:42

Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

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By Buttscratcher - 3/3/2012 16:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

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By fml - 5/1/2015 03:10 - United States

Today, these cute girls approached me and asked me to take a picture of them. One girl asked me if I could send it to her because her phone had died. I was excited to have her number, but it turns out that she deleted the message after she sent the picture to herself. FML

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By goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt - 7/9/2013 21:43 - United States - Midlothian

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML

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By crazydaughter - 12/4/2012 12:51 - Egypt

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

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By addicted2v - 21/1/2012 13:25 - United States

Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML

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By - 1/1/2009 03:45 - France

Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML

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By Brianna Weltmire - 8/4/2012 05:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

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By Nezje - 8/8/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

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By tclwj - 6/9/2020 23:01 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Kids and their wacky crazes

Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my 2 daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML

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By sleepy - 3/12/2016 09:54 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to end at 11 p.m. The company ended up wanting music late and my boss made me stay there until they got tired, which ended up being 3 a.m. I start work at my other job at 7 a.m. FML

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By Partyofthree - 6/6/2017 00:00

Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML

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By Sudokori - 7/9/2017 01:30

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

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By faith - 16/6/2020 23:00

Goodbye Bill

Today, I went to a restaurant to order food with just a $100 bill. They no longer had what I came for, so I left. When I got to my car, I realized - no bill. I went back in for them to say they hadn't seen it, and they wouldn’t check the cameras. I know the lady working there picked it up since I was the only customer. FML

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By peace out - 5/3/2013 20:19 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

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By Arp - 4/2/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I got an early Valentine's day card. My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and my hopes shot up thinking it might be from him. It wasn't. It was from my parents. FML

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By anne - 30/7/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, my 20 year old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2014 16:06 - Belgium - Poperinge

Today, my boyfriend broke things off, because he says I have a "horrible, horrible personality" and that I'm only really fuck-buddy material, which is a problem because he wants something long-term. We've been dating for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 06:18 - Canada

Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

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Top comments

By DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#1949645 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

Ouch, that must be a hairy situation there trying to explain to your roommate. I recommend that you don't curl up into a ball and be scarred for life from this image burned in your memory, but you gotta be straight and tell him sorry that you walked in. Afro this might be remembered forever, you should try and comb this out from your memory.

Ugh, I can't think of anything great at this late of night.

By CareFace | 16

#1949544 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

That's awesome!

COMMENTS

By CareFace | 16

#1949544 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

That's awesome!

Reply

InnocentLies | 0

#1949694 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:17

No that's gross and dangerous.

Reply

milakitty21 | 0

#1949876 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:41

classy dude ;)

Reply

The_Dude_Abides_ | 0

#1950100 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:14

learn how to knock?

Reply

Panthersfan2834 | 3

#1951045 - Monday 10 January 2011 14:09

who's there?

Reply

popsvb01 | 9

#1951234 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:03

Two #1's and #2's?

Reply

SirHobnobs | 0

#1951308 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:19

'I whip my pubes back and forth...'

Reply

Timmo_fml | 2

#1951360 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:28

Definitely trying to make his dick look like Simon Cowell!

Reply

humzizzl3 | 0

#1951948 - Monday 10 January 2011 18:52

hahahah 70

Reply

UrTheWorstCharac | 0

#1951984 - Monday 10 January 2011 19:03

70 - Quality work.

Reply

showjumpr123 | 0

#1952529 - Monday 10 January 2011 23:59

hahah win

Reply

ThoraxeTheImpale_fml | 0

#1952629 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 1:19

lmao at the op's name

Reply

xGUMMYBEARSx | 0

#1953830 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 7:46

loolll, 70. DAMMIT I keep singing it that way now hahaha

Reply

skarlly | 10

#2306829 - Thursday 7 April 2011 3:57

win!

Reply

ChemosBurning | 0

#4119752 - Sunday 4 March 2012 4:12

XD
LOL
That sucks >.<

By PartyPoison_fml | 0

#1949546 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

sucks, man

By spazticechidna | 2

#1949548 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

What if they slipped? o.0

Reply

alicianoar | 7

#1949722 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:21

Then he would have singed his balls. Duh.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#1949904 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:43

I doubt he was flat ironing his ball hair, there really isn't enough of it.

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1950874 - Monday 10 January 2011 13:23

You would know how much ballhair the roomaye has, how?

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#1951483 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:10

I don't, I was going by how much I personally have.I assumed that he had an amount similar to myself. What kind of asshole asks such a sarcastic question?

Reply

TheZarola | 10

#1952359 - Monday 10 January 2011 22:13

I agree, 28. He must have pretty long pubes if he can actually straighten them.

Reply

Zebidee | 8

#1955642 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 18:17

Maybe this originally read 'flat-ironing his trophy collection of pubic hair'?

By schwancy | 2

#1949577 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:08

With your straitener?

Reply

thelastavailable | 13

#1949930 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:46

No, with their straightener.

Reply

sweetcheeksjvl | 0

#1950044 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:02

wth are on all the posts,do you know how to spell? lol

Reply

I_R_Genius | 3

#1950212 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:36

33, What the fuck did you just day? I can't understand all that, please don't do that again. I want to keep my eyeballs till atleast I die.

Reply

I_R_Genius | 3

#1950229 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:38

Say* fucking auto correct.

Reply

ItsmeRJ_ | 0

#1951089 - Monday 10 January 2011 14:23

Lol at all the Grammar Nazis

Reply

UrNotFunny | 0

#1954534 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 11:33

Lol at you lol-ing at all the grammar Nazis.

Reply

talktomandybaby | 8

#1982645 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 16:56

Grammar Nazis......you made my day Poster 66(: thank youu:D

By Pshh_Yeah | 4

#1949597 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:09

What the hell?

Gonna burn himself!

Reply

iliketurdles | 7

#1951532 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:17

Pshh yeahh...

Reply

jebby011 | 0

#1951709 - Monday 10 January 2011 17:17

pshh totally

Reply

Person000 | 0

#1952388 - Monday 10 January 2011 22:34

pshh definitely

Reply

beatlesfreak | 0

#1952934 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 2:40

Pshh of course

Reply

FYLorYDIohno | 12

#1953466 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 5:25

Pshh forreal

Reply

wordnerd42 | 0

#1953701 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 6:47

C-C-C-Combo Breaker!

Pssh.

Reply

cguinn17 | 9

#1953746 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 7:03

nooooooo

Reply

MadPercussion | 0

#1953850 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 8:06

DAMNIT! I wanted to be the combo breaker. My life is not yet complete!!!

Reply

cupcake10101 | 0

#2249228 - Sunday 27 March 2011 16:34

psh of course

Reply

PrinceFroggy | 0

#2363017 - Sunday 17 April 2011 17:21

lol at these replies

Reply

Creamysweeps | 5

#2671030 - Monday 13 June 2011 11:30

pshh sike

Reply

sdroze1389 | 31

#5826061 - Monday 13 January 2014 14:15

pssh real talk. hopefully this will never end

By Alexxcunningham | 0

#1949622 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:10

dude. I mean, seriously? why would you let it get that long?

Reply

lili555_fml | 0

#1950394 - Monday 10 January 2011 11:34

Lmao!

Reply

Penguinman909 | 7

#1951626 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:46

So that he can plat it into his beard/goatee and make a Human Hair Harp...

Reply

TibbysMusic | 1

#1952423 - Monday 10 January 2011 23:15

Yumm ;)

By kristamarie74 | 0

#1949627 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:11

this guy.

Reply

Dr_Jalepenos | 0

#3099775 - Saturday 13 August 2011 12:33

I know right

By DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#1949645 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

Ouch, that must be a hairy situation there trying to explain to your roommate. I recommend that you don't curl up into a ball and be scarred for life from this image burned in your memory, but you gotta be straight and tell him sorry that you walked in. Afro this might be remembered forever, you should try and comb this out from your memory.

Ugh, I can't think of anything great at this late of night.

Reply

unidentified_sta | 5

#1949715 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:19

When you can't, it is best to let it go rather than a fledgling effort.

Reply

TerrorDollie | 0

#1949857 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:39

Attempt: Failed.

Reply

FMLforALL | 0

#1949860 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:39

I dunno. That was pretty punny!

Reply

KateWesley44 | 0

#3434889 - Saturday 15 October 2011 8:06

thats so clever!(:

By Plutous | 0

#1949649 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

haha...is he scene?

By teffysayshi | 8

#1949655 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:13

It's long enough?

Reply

jess6blondie9 | 2

#1953623 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 6:22

Obviously, he was straightening them.

Reply

denisek09 | 0

#1991336 - Friday 21 January 2011 7:23

lol that was my first thought