Health: Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair.... - FML

By curlyisnogood

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

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There's no helping some people

Family values

Our House

By Dunzo15 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

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By oops - United States

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

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By why - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break up with me because "bros before hoes". They met for the first time last week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

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By heathenapparently

Today, while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan, my mother started crying. When I asked her why, she said, "I just know that if the plane crashes, I will never see you again because you are going to hell." Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oceanside

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Harker Heights

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

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By singleasapringle - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML

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By M - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

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By brokeass - United States

Today, I called the landlord about the mouse I keep seeing in my kitchen. He wasted no time accusing me of keeping it as a pet, and went off on me about his "no pets" policy. FML

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By AloneAgainNaturally - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

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By Oh_baby - United States

Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML

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By f'ed_over - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

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By wet dreams - United States - Cartersville

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 14:01

Bye bye love

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 05:03

Music nerds of the world unite!

Today, I woke up this morning to find out I have lost all ability to hear. Not only is that medically concerning, it also means that now I can’t listen to the new albums I just bought. FML

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By rindawg - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for our last kid-free dinner before the birth of our 4th child, we chose a Japanese hibachi restaurant. They sat us with a family with a toddler, who started screaming at the first flame trick, causing the chef to cease to do anything entertaining. FML

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By PrayingForMoney - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

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By someonesomething - United States

Today, one of the comic companies I submitted to, replied back. They said that the story was boring, and the main character bland, generic, uncultured, had no potential for personal growth, a suburbanite, and an ignorant shut-in. I based the personality of the main character on my own. FML

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By Fmyhair - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

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By owwwwwe - United Kingdom

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

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By GasAttack - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

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By Anna - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

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By grocerystalker - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML

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By Jaymail - 17/5/2020 17:00

You snooze, you lose

Today, I saw some really nice dining room chairs sitting out on the curb waiting for the garbage man. I went to the door to ask the owners why they were throwing them out. They told me it was because they had just bought new furniture. While I was talking to the owner, somebody else picked them up. FML

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By post valentines depression

Today, my Tinder date arranged an Uber to pick her up before we had even finished our appetizers. She was so bored she couldn't be bothered to stay for the whole meal. FML

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By unknown - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

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By toothache - United States - Morton Grove

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

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By leah12 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail from my Grandma about how much she adores and loves me. Then it went into detail about how much prettier, smarter, and successful I am than my sister, Leah. I am Leah. She mixed up the letters to the wrong envelopes. FML

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By seriously - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

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By whythebunny - United States - Bastrop

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

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By xetsa - France

Today, I realized for the last year that my husband has been home from Iraq, I haven't gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night. Not because he gets nightmares, but because he now snores so loud that the pets sleep at the other end of the house to get rest. FML

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By bittersweet - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

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By DepressedCellist

Today, my boyfriend and I had band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked it up for pretty much the first time and sounded surprisingly good. I was excited until I realized he sounded better than me. FML

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Top comments

By DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#1949645 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

Ouch, that must be a hairy situation there trying to explain to your roommate. I recommend that you don't curl up into a ball and be scarred for life from this image burned in your memory, but you gotta be straight and tell him sorry that you walked in. Afro this might be remembered forever, you should try and comb this out from your memory.

Ugh, I can't think of anything great at this late of night.

By CareFace | 16

#1949544 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

That's awesome!

COMMENTS

By CareFace | 16

#1949544 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

That's awesome!

Reply

InnocentLies | 0

#1949694 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:17

No that's gross and dangerous.

Reply

milakitty21 | 0

#1949876 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:41

classy dude ;)

Reply

The_Dude_Abides_ | 0

#1950100 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:14

learn how to knock?

Reply

Panthersfan2834 | 3

#1951045 - Monday 10 January 2011 14:09

who's there?

Reply

popsvb01 | 9

#1951234 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:03

Two #1's and #2's?

Reply

SirHobnobs | 0

#1951308 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:19

'I whip my pubes back and forth...'

Reply

Timmo_fml | 2

#1951360 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:28

Definitely trying to make his dick look like Simon Cowell!

Reply

humzizzl3 | 0

#1951948 - Monday 10 January 2011 18:52

hahahah 70

Reply

UrTheWorstCharac | 0

#1951984 - Monday 10 January 2011 19:03

70 - Quality work.

Reply

showjumpr123 | 0

#1952529 - Monday 10 January 2011 23:59

hahah win

Reply

ThoraxeTheImpale_fml | 0

#1952629 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 1:19

lmao at the op's name

Reply

xGUMMYBEARSx | 0

#1953830 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 7:46

loolll, 70. DAMMIT I keep singing it that way now hahaha

Reply

skarlly | 10

#2306829 - Thursday 7 April 2011 3:57

win!

Reply

ChemosBurning | 0

#4119752 - Sunday 4 March 2012 4:12

XD
LOL
That sucks >.<

By PartyPoison_fml | 0

#1949546 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

sucks, man

By spazticechidna | 2

#1949548 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

What if they slipped? o.0

Reply

#1949722 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:21

Then he would have singed his balls. Duh.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#1949904 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:43

I doubt he was flat ironing his ball hair, there really isn't enough of it.

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1950874 - Monday 10 January 2011 13:23

You would know how much ballhair the roomaye has, how?

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#1951483 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:10

I don't, I was going by how much I personally have.I assumed that he had an amount similar to myself. What kind of asshole asks such a sarcastic question?

Reply

TheZarola | 10

#1952359 - Monday 10 January 2011 22:13

I agree, 28. He must have pretty long pubes if he can actually straighten them.

Reply

Zebidee | 8

#1955642 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 18:17

Maybe this originally read 'flat-ironing his trophy collection of pubic hair'?

By schwancy | 2

#1949577 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:08

With your straitener?

Reply

thelastavailable | 13

#1949930 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:46

No, with their straightener.

Reply

sweetcheeksjvl | 0

#1950044 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:02

wth are on all the posts,do you know how to spell? lol

Reply

I_R_Genius | 3

#1950212 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:36

33, What the fuck did you just day? I can't understand all that, please don't do that again. I want to keep my eyeballs till atleast I die.

Reply

I_R_Genius | 3

#1950229 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:38

Say* fucking auto correct.

Reply

ItsmeRJ_ | 0

#1951089 - Monday 10 January 2011 14:23

Lol at all the Grammar Nazis

Reply

UrNotFunny | 0

#1954534 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 11:33

Lol at you lol-ing at all the grammar Nazis.

Reply

talktomandybaby | 8

#1982645 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 16:56

Grammar Nazis......you made my day Poster 66(: thank youu:D

By Pshh_Yeah | 4

#1949597 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:09

What the hell?

Gonna burn himself!

Reply

iliketurdles | 7

#1951532 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:17

Pshh yeahh...

Reply

jebby011 | 0

#1951709 - Monday 10 January 2011 17:17

pshh totally

Reply

Person000 | 0

#1952388 - Monday 10 January 2011 22:34

pshh definitely

Reply

beatlesfreak | 0

#1952934 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 2:40

Pshh of course

Reply

FYLorYDIohno | 12

#1953466 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 5:25

Pshh forreal

Reply

wordnerd42 | 0

#1953701 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 6:47

C-C-C-Combo Breaker!

Pssh.

Reply

cguinn17 | 9

#1953746 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 7:03

nooooooo

Reply

MadPercussion | 0

#1953850 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 8:06

DAMNIT! I wanted to be the combo breaker. My life is not yet complete!!!

Reply

cupcake10101 | 0

#2249228 - Sunday 27 March 2011 16:34

psh of course

Reply

PrinceFroggy | 0

#2363017 - Sunday 17 April 2011 17:21

lol at these replies

Reply

Creamysweeps | 5

#2671030 - Monday 13 June 2011 11:30

pshh sike

Reply

sdroze1389 | 31

#5826061 - Monday 13 January 2014 14:15

pssh real talk. hopefully this will never end

By Alexxcunningham | 0

#1949622 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:10

dude. I mean, seriously? why would you let it get that long?

Reply

lili555_fml | 0

#1950394 - Monday 10 January 2011 11:34

Lmao!

Reply

Penguinman909 | 7

#1951626 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:46

So that he can plat it into his beard/goatee and make a Human Hair Harp...

Reply

TibbysMusic | 1

#1952423 - Monday 10 January 2011 23:15

Yumm ;)

By kristamarie74 | 0

#1949627 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:11

this guy.

Reply

Dr_Jalepenos | 0

#3099775 - Saturday 13 August 2011 12:33

I know right

By DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#1949645 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

Ouch, that must be a hairy situation there trying to explain to your roommate. I recommend that you don't curl up into a ball and be scarred for life from this image burned in your memory, but you gotta be straight and tell him sorry that you walked in. Afro this might be remembered forever, you should try and comb this out from your memory.

Ugh, I can't think of anything great at this late of night.

Reply

unidentified_sta | 5

#1949715 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:19

When you can't, it is best to let it go rather than a fledgling effort.

Reply

TerrorDollie | 0

#1949857 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:39

Attempt: Failed.

Reply

FMLforALL | 0

#1949860 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:39

I dunno. That was pretty punny!

Reply

KateWesley44 | 0

#3434889 - Saturday 15 October 2011 8:06

thats so clever!(:

By Plutous | 0

#1949649 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

haha...is he scene?

By teffysayshi | 8

#1949655 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:13

It's long enough?

Reply

jess6blondie9 | 2

#1953623 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 6:22

Obviously, he was straightening them.

Reply

denisek09 | 0

#1991336 - Friday 21 January 2011 7:23

lol that was my first thought