Health: Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair.... - FML

By curlyisnogood

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

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Vulture

Kitchen nightmares

Shark-infested offices

By etsl - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother you should tell your family. If you don't, he may blurt it out while drunk at a family barbecue. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

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By NotCool - 19/1/2021 19:57 - United States - Midlothian

Crossed Animal

Today, just like every other day, my mom has prioritized doing chores and chatting with her neighbors above even talking to me. This would be fine, if it wasn't in Animal Crossing. Apparently, a lifestyle video game is more important than me. FML

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By lucy - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

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By Ahlph

Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

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By ShowerheadGirl - United States

Common passion

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

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By seriously?

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

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By can't win - Australia

Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML

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By candy - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I greeted my boss with, "Looking good, did you lose weight?" He responded that no, he'd just purchased larger pants. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML

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By carsuck - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

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By chlorobitch551 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

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By feelinblue - Australia

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

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By Ryan - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

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By missblue97 - United States

Today, my dad asked my step-mom if he could get some booty before bed because he still had energy. He didn't realize I was still in the room. FML

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By vampyrate3562 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to run for the train, but because of my bad foot and limping they held the train, much to people's displeasure. No one let me sit down, so for the 20 minute journey, I stood. With a bad foot. FML

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By roselysunset - United States - Cypress

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

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By racoonface - United States

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

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By so sad no dad

Today, while out with my girlfriends, my overbearing boyfriend called and texted my phone over and over. Later, I told him to calm down and stop acting like my dad. He snapped back, "How am I acting like your dad when you don’t have one?" He knows my dad died when I was 10. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

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By harry - Hong Kong

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

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By jesuschrist

They'll go at night

Today, my daughter asked me why NASA hasn't gone to the sun yet. She's seventeen. FML

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By 751920 - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

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By Realworldred - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

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By snickerdoodles - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

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By Ben - United States - Lansing

Time to grow a beard?

Today, my girlfriend told me she won't have sex with me anymore. When I asked her why, she said I've lost too much weight and I look like her son. Her son is 4 feet tall & 9 years old. I'm 6 feet tall & 30 years old. She said having sex with me feel like having sex with her son. FML

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By Just a joke - 2/11/2020 05:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

No jokes allowed

Today, my boyfriend called my mother stupid and angrily argued with her at a family dinner. Why? We have a long-running family joke that "vegan food doesn't contain calories", and my boyfriend thought my mum said it seriously and was therefore a moron. FML

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By Justkillme

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML

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By seussical65 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML

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By monogamous - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

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By sandra - United States

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

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By youngsamoo92 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

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By Armando de Carvalho - 10/10/2020 07:57

Toxic people

Today, I moved back with my mom, sister and niece after 10 years on my own. My niece is 11, we talked about life and she agrees my mom and my sister are toxic and that I should move out. She'll do it as soon as she's 18. I'm 29. FML

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By Dopamin3

Today, driving to a conference 2 hours away a giant piece of ice fell off a truck and did severe damage to my car hood and busted the front light. The car was a few months old with around 5000 miles on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2021 08:01

Detection

Today, after falling head over heels for a guy I've been crushing on for the past few months; I discovered that he's gay, dislikes children and I stand absolutely no chance. This isn't even the first time this has happened. I have the worst gaydar. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML

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By brokeandiknowit - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I installed an app that notifies me of every purchase on my credit card. Now I'm being tormented by notification after notification as my wife decimates our finances. FML

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By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

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Top comments

By DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#1949645 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

Ouch, that must be a hairy situation there trying to explain to your roommate. I recommend that you don't curl up into a ball and be scarred for life from this image burned in your memory, but you gotta be straight and tell him sorry that you walked in. Afro this might be remembered forever, you should try and comb this out from your memory.

Ugh, I can't think of anything great at this late of night.

By CareFace | 16

#1949544 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

That's awesome!

COMMENTS

By CareFace | 16

#1949544 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

That's awesome!

Reply

InnocentLies | 0

#1949694 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:17

No that's gross and dangerous.

Reply

milakitty21 | 0

#1949876 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:41

classy dude ;)

Reply

The_Dude_Abides_ | 0

#1950100 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:14

learn how to knock?

Reply

Panthersfan2834 | 3

#1951045 - Monday 10 January 2011 14:09

who's there?

Reply

popsvb01 | 9

#1951234 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:03

Two #1's and #2's?

Reply

SirHobnobs | 0

#1951308 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:19

'I whip my pubes back and forth...'

Reply

Timmo_fml | 2

#1951360 - Monday 10 January 2011 15:28

Definitely trying to make his dick look like Simon Cowell!

Reply

humzizzl3 | 0

#1951948 - Monday 10 January 2011 18:52

hahahah 70

Reply

UrTheWorstCharac | 0

#1951984 - Monday 10 January 2011 19:03

70 - Quality work.

Reply

showjumpr123 | 0

#1952529 - Monday 10 January 2011 23:59

hahah win

Reply

ThoraxeTheImpale_fml | 0

#1952629 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 1:19

lmao at the op's name

Reply

xGUMMYBEARSx | 0

#1953830 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 7:46

loolll, 70. DAMMIT I keep singing it that way now hahaha

Reply

skarlly | 10

#2306829 - Thursday 7 April 2011 3:57

win!

Reply

ChemosBurning | 0

#4119752 - Sunday 4 March 2012 4:12

XD
LOL
That sucks >.<

By PartyPoison_fml | 0

#1949546 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

sucks, man

By spazticechidna | 2

#1949548 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:05

What if they slipped? o.0

Reply

alicianoar | 7

#1949722 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:21

Then he would have singed his balls. Duh.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#1949904 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:43

I doubt he was flat ironing his ball hair, there really isn't enough of it.

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1950874 - Monday 10 January 2011 13:23

You would know how much ballhair the roomaye has, how?

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#1951483 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:10

I don't, I was going by how much I personally have.I assumed that he had an amount similar to myself. What kind of asshole asks such a sarcastic question?

Reply

TheZarola | 10

#1952359 - Monday 10 January 2011 22:13

I agree, 28. He must have pretty long pubes if he can actually straighten them.

Reply

Zebidee | 8

#1955642 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 18:17

Maybe this originally read 'flat-ironing his trophy collection of pubic hair'?

By schwancy | 2

#1949577 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:08

With your straitener?

Reply

thelastavailable | 13

#1949930 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:46

No, with their straightener.

Reply

sweetcheeksjvl | 0

#1950044 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:02

wth are on all the posts,do you know how to spell? lol

Reply

I_R_Genius | 3

#1950212 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:36

33, What the fuck did you just day? I can't understand all that, please don't do that again. I want to keep my eyeballs till atleast I die.

Reply

I_R_Genius | 3

#1950229 - Monday 10 January 2011 10:38

Say* fucking auto correct.

Reply

ItsmeRJ_ | 0

#1951089 - Monday 10 January 2011 14:23

Lol at all the Grammar Nazis

Reply

UrNotFunny | 0

#1954534 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 11:33

Lol at you lol-ing at all the grammar Nazis.

Reply

talktomandybaby | 8

#1982645 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 16:56

Grammar Nazis......you made my day Poster 66(: thank youu:D

By Pshh_Yeah | 4

#1949597 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:09

What the hell?

Gonna burn himself!

Reply

iliketurdles | 7

#1951532 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:17

Pshh yeahh...

Reply

jebby011 | 0

#1951709 - Monday 10 January 2011 17:17

pshh totally

Reply

Person000 | 0

#1952388 - Monday 10 January 2011 22:34

pshh definitely

Reply

beatlesfreak | 0

#1952934 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 2:40

Pshh of course

Reply

FYLorYDIohno | 12

#1953466 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 5:25

Pshh forreal

Reply

wordnerd42 | 0

#1953701 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 6:47

C-C-C-Combo Breaker!

Pssh.

Reply

cguinn17 | 9

#1953746 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 7:03

nooooooo

Reply

MadPercussion | 0

#1953850 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 8:06

DAMNIT! I wanted to be the combo breaker. My life is not yet complete!!!

Reply

cupcake10101 | 0

#2249228 - Sunday 27 March 2011 16:34

psh of course

Reply

PrinceFroggy | 0

#2363017 - Sunday 17 April 2011 17:21

lol at these replies

Reply

Creamysweeps | 5

#2671030 - Monday 13 June 2011 11:30

pshh sike

Reply

sdroze1389 | 31

#5826061 - Monday 13 January 2014 14:15

pssh real talk. hopefully this will never end

By Alexxcunningham | 0

#1949622 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:10

dude. I mean, seriously? why would you let it get that long?

Reply

lili555_fml | 0

#1950394 - Monday 10 January 2011 11:34

Lmao!

Reply

Penguinman909 | 7

#1951626 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:46

So that he can plat it into his beard/goatee and make a Human Hair Harp...

Reply

TibbysMusic | 1

#1952423 - Monday 10 January 2011 23:15

Yumm ;)

By kristamarie74 | 0

#1949627 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:11

this guy.

Reply

Dr_Jalepenos | 0

#3099775 - Saturday 13 August 2011 12:33

I know right

By DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#1949645 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

Ouch, that must be a hairy situation there trying to explain to your roommate. I recommend that you don't curl up into a ball and be scarred for life from this image burned in your memory, but you gotta be straight and tell him sorry that you walked in. Afro this might be remembered forever, you should try and comb this out from your memory.

Ugh, I can't think of anything great at this late of night.

Reply

unidentified_sta | 5

#1949715 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:19

When you can't, it is best to let it go rather than a fledgling effort.

Reply

TerrorDollie | 0

#1949857 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:39

Attempt: Failed.

Reply

FMLforALL | 0

#1949860 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:39

I dunno. That was pretty punny!

Reply

KateWesley44 | 0

#3434889 - Saturday 15 October 2011 8:06

thats so clever!(:

By Plutous | 0

#1949649 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:12

haha...is he scene?

By teffysayshi | 8

#1949655 - Monday 10 January 2011 9:13

It's long enough?

Reply

jess6blondie9 | 2

#1953623 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 6:22

Obviously, he was straightening them.

Reply

denisek09 | 0

#1991336 - Friday 21 January 2011 7:23

lol that was my first thought