Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend asked me to deep throat him and I had to tell him he isn’t long enough to reach my throat. It just about reaches the back of my tongue, but that’s it. He’s now sulking. I can’t change the length of his prick. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML
Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
umerin 32
That's talent.
Welshite 40
He just proved "practice makes perfect."
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Comments (97)
stormstarcj 12
Run...
LucyLollipop 22
Hey, guys, OP here! To shed some light on the situation, I was away at work all day and he had off. He was bored, he knows I dislike doing it, the ***** was there, and he wanted to see where I was coming from. I came home to see it on the bed, and jokingly asked him what he was doing with it all day. I did not expect the answer (and the proof) that I got. He has actually said he understands what I mean and that he could see how it would be more difficult with someone trying to push it in harder/farther than you'd like. To all the people who commented he may be gay or bi, I can assure you he's as straight as a rail (unless we walk past Yankee Candle, but that's another story). Also, xFOAxReaper is in fact my real boyfriend. And we have a very healthy sex life, even if I do have an active gag reflex. Thanks for all the comments, they made me audibly exhale from both nostrils. Cheers!
GhostFox 34
...am I the only one horribly interested in the Yankee Candle story? ....yes? Oh.
laden_swallow09 35
Because scented candles are considered gay, but Yankees still smell SOOOOO heavenly!!
anonynous97 13
I don't know what's worse. That your boyfriend is better at that than you or that he can even do that at all.
Richard6036 13
Sounds like your boyfriend is packed with experience, I wonder how we got so skilled
Richard6036 13
Yeah he's not gay his boyfriend is
DJDualScreen 4
he deepthroats better than you and he wigs out going past a yankee candle. If he has better fashion sense than you, you're dating a closet case.
LucyLollipop 22
I definitely have a better fashion sense. Although he isn't as bad as other guys I've met. And hey, maybe he's just European. ;)
pacman490 21
Wow, that's.....telling
worldclassrager 41
Learns from experience...I hope it was uncomfortable
ProSwimmerFL 16
Well he backed up his talk and if he's willing to deep throat that ***** then I'm sure he deserves a little head in return just saying op
xFOAxREAPER 11
here's to hoping!
arrowgold 19
I had to reread this. At first I thought down your throat.