Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend asked me to deep throat him and I had to tell him he isn’t long enough to reach my throat. It just about reaches the back of my tongue, but that’s it. He’s now sulking. I can’t change the length of his prick. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML
Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
umerin 32
That's talent.
Welshite 40
He just proved "practice makes perfect."
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
loueasy 23
Does he want you to try anal to?
xFOAxREAPER 11
OPs boyfriend here. thought I'd say the comments here are hysterical. Never tried it before that point, must just be natural talent. feel free to ask questions!
texaskitty86 25
my comment is, try to again at an angle more natural to actually going down on someone if you didn't the first time. it's easy to tilt your head back and avoid a gag reflex but doing it straight on is more difficult
SecundusSecunda 27
Idk man,perhaps demonstrating like that was a bit too far lol
xFOAxREAPER 11
@ #44 might have been. didn't get anything from it, but hell at least she and I got some laughs!
enginsteve 17
Sooo. what are YOU doing later? haha
xFOAxREAPER 11
@54 lol eating in and out. then going home in hopes of sexy fun time.
coolmike699 26
What else are you willing to do to prove a point?
xFOAxREAPER 11
@75 well that would depend on what she'd be willing to do if I proved it. :p
DesolateTree 12
Class A man right here.
deltoren 11
This man right here has balls
US_StormTrooper 2
Haha I understand where you are coming from. At least you two are in a good communicative relationship, and it seems you are willing to put yourself in her shoes hehe.. Many of the people who are negative here might not be able to claim that for themselves...
Jeremiah722 19
Kinda hit tbh
Bibblejomin 18
*A few weeks later* "Oh come on, babe. Anal ain't that bad! Watch!"
Grayness_ 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You'll be fine OP , If you don't give him head someone else will :).
steam_engenius 21
She didn't day she doesn't give head. Derp.
ZirePhoenix 10
tell him to deep throat himself...
xFOAxREAPER 11
my ribs are kind of in the way..
band_geek 18
You sure he's not gay if not for being bi with enough practice of deepthroating other guys?
HarryWholock87 17
He might not have a gag reflex
band_geek 18
And apparently, someone doesn't know how to take something as a joke as most of the other posts (eg - "What does your bf do for his night time job" type of post) even if not having given my comment a neg vote.
KryssLB 14
A previous boyfriend once did that to me with a banana. What I now wish I'd done is grabbed the banana, grabbed his head, and jammed the banana into and out of his mouth while shoving his head onto it while shouting, "Remember, don't bite it off! But drag your teeth! Suck harder!" (mind you, he was an asshole). There's a vast difference between being able to stick something unmoving down a wide-open throat that isn't actually touching anything, and actually being able to deep-throat a live dick attached to a guy who (a) wants you to actually contact said dick and (b) is thrashing around. He's probably only ever seen how far he can carefully manoeuver the inanimate object into his mouth and is all proud that he can. Actually dealing with a live one is much harder. If he does it again, just say, "Congrats! You just failed to successfully blow a dead guy. Want to try on a live one?" and suggest a strap-on. :D Bet he'd be far less adept! --And if he can do that as well, you might want to ask some questions, lol.
Badkarma4u 17
If a guy gets out of control while you blow him. Just cup his balls. Now you have a polite way to let him know that you are uncomfortable. He'll settle right down. Then you can work your magic.
amileah13 26
I think that's a sign... He's saying something without actually saying something. Good luck op!
Badkarma4u 17
He's saying quit whining and suck it. It's mind over matter. Its a sign that he'll call her on her bs.
born_hustla 26
If I were you I'd be like "honey how did you learn? "