Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?

Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read!

Nice to know

By rejectedson - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 006

You deserved it 2 330

Happy 4th of July

By Bacon0426 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 084

You deserved it 1 214

Stellar parenting

By joi9496 - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, at age 23, I met my absentee father. He went on about how much he missed me and wanted to know more about me. He then asked if I knew where he could get some good weed, and said he'd share it to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 727

You deserved it 484

What's worse?

By Ben - 21/10/2023 07:30

Today, after I'd saved up and frontloaded working hours for two weeks to ensure I'd have time and funds to go to a local show on my birthday, I received a call letting me know my father had a heart attack and was dying. He did pass away, at around 5AM on the morning of my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 116

Latergram

By Anonymous - 21/06/2023 10:00

Today, I made it halfway through saying "Happy Father's Day" before he interrupted to send me to do an unimportant chore. When I finished, he’d opened the beer I'd bought him, despite it being 7:30am, but he was convinced it was a bribe because I wanted something from him. I don’t know why I bother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 111

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 12:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, my partner's mother and I had been planning a little surprise get-together for his birthday. A surprise weeks in the making was ruined by my dad asking, "Aren't you supposed to be going to (his parent's town name) this afternoon?" in front of him. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 144

Close to me

By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 1 165

Slippery

By Anonymous - 03/08/2022 04:00

Today, my husband is so desperate to not spend time with my parents that on my dad's birthday he claimed he forgot and booked a trip to the dentist, and now for their anniversary he's pulled the same trick again and booked this year's prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 279

Remember me?

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 16:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father passed. He never gave me the time of day for anything, but he was my dad so I went to the funeral. However, 98% of the people there had no idea he had an eldest daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 85

Gender bending

By DaddyDoesn'tLoveMe - 16/05/2022 22:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at age thirty, my dad gave me the first compliment he's ever given me: "Remember to wash the pan out. Oh, and good job doing your chores and your mother's today." And everyone wonders why it took until last year for me to figure out I'm the same gender as this shitbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 398

Not worth my time

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 15:00 - United States

Today, my dad has gone to two different relatives’ weddings in two different states this month alone. I also found out about his big birthday celebration, his BBQ and his trip to Vegas. I saw it all on Facebook. I’ve not been invited to anything, and he never visits me. I live an hour away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 160

Generic Happy Birthday gif

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 14:15 - United States

Today, I'm still trying not to cry. Yesterday was by birthday. I got an email from my dad with three words, "Happy Birthday (nickname)". I got a Facebook post from my mother. No card. No phone call. No gift. I have become nothing more than a Facebook friend to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 245

Gamers gonna game

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 02:01 - United States - Escanaba

Today, I had to delay the Father's Day dinner that I had to cook, so it wouldn't conflict with my wife and kids' gaming schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 137

Sorry dad

By janess - 09/03/2021 11:00

Today, I forgot my father’s birthday. My father means the world to me, I just have a shit memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 434

Back to the drawing board

By BackIGo - 15/01/2021 02:01 - Australia

Today, I finished birthday shopping for my husband, my son, and a close friend, who all have birthdays within a week. I was proud of myself for being organized, until I remembered: my husband has a twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 189

Fate, up against your will

By Gerry - 03/01/2021 17:03

Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 116

Billy no-mates

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 02:01

Today, I feel both happy and jealous of my father. It's his birthday and he has received over 100 times more phone calls than me. I'd had two: one from my local bank manager and one from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 294

Looking for another one!

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 01:00

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 164

You deserved it 242

By amore89 - 28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 245

By secondchild - 12/07/2019 14:00

Today, my parents spent more time, money, and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 193

Dad jokes FTW!

By rositaleigh - 01/07/2019 00:06

Today, my father and I were out in town when a lady walked up and commented on what a great looking couple we were. My dad puts his arm around me and says "Thank you! We've been together for 17 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 061

You deserved it 209

By UnwantedDaughter - 08/01/2019 20:00

Today, it's my birthday. My father didn't get me a birthday present or do anything for me, and acted as though he only came to visit because it was expected. Yet when it was his birthday a couple months ago, he expected me to take him out and pay for it FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 741

You deserved it 236

By Anonymous - 18/12/2018 12:00

Today, after two years of hard work, I finished writing my novel dedicated to my father. I timed everything so that the paperback would arrive at his house just before Christmas, then I booked a flight to surprise him so I could see his reaction in person. He just texted me, my mom told him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 326

You deserved it 271

Happy birthday?

By Not really - 19/07/2018 15:00

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he'd suspected it for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 417

You deserved it 1 057

By Happy Birthday - 10/07/2018 15:00

Today, my Dad gave me my birthday card. The envelope was blank, as was the card, and the £0.25 price tag was still on. He was fully aware of all these things, but handed it to me and said, "By the way, I didn't write anything." Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 593

You deserved it 254

By 3rdWheel1stBorn - 23/03/2018 19:00

Today, I saw that my biological father took his two favorite daughters on a luxury cruise to celebrate his birthday. I didn't find out until the pictures were posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 699

You deserved it 273

By Ruby Lore - 20/07/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 551

You deserved it 354

Dad! No!

By Ginger - 08/07/2017 16:30 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 179

You deserved it 550

Ham-fisted attempt

By HamHanded - 10/03/2017 09:17

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 684

You deserved it 728

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The Top

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 136

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 163

It has been a tough week

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 77

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 489

You deserved it 3 667

Today, I spent five minutes shaking a bowl of Jello because it looked cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 1 224

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 4 813