Love, Sex and Relatable: Can't be bothered - FML

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 20:00 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 174

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 13/10/2015 07:35 - United States - Davis

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 969

You deserved it 6 174

By he’s just terrible at it! - 30/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 044

You deserved it 442

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 430

You deserved it 183

Bad sex ed

By Sex ed instructor, fuck me - 18/04/2022 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 102

You deserved it 795

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 852

You deserved it 16 533

Worst **** ever

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 22:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend truly is a master of efficiency, by successfully cutting sex down to one minute for a back massage, 1-2 minutes of foreplay, 20 seconds of penetration, 4-5 minutes lying on his back trying to catch his breath, followed by 8 hours of sleep, including gorilla-like snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 263

It's not you, it's him

By Anonymous - 02/10/2021 23:01 - Italy - Benevento

Spicy

Today, after telling my boyfriend I never achieved an orgasm with any of my past partners, and therefore telling him what I need to get there, he won't even touch me, let alone do anything "down there" because he has never done it on any of his past girlfriends, and thinks it's gross. I make sure to always be fresh and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 182

You deserved it 280

By whyeventry? - 02/08/2013 04:39 - United States - Neenah

Spicy

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 157

You deserved it 12 722

A teaching moment

By Sensitive!!! - 24/08/2020 21:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 210

You deserved it 286

Next

Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 34

Wednesday 8 May 2024 0:16

Are you dating/married to DJ Khaled?

username.what? 1

Saturday 1 June 2024 17:08

I’d suggest you slapping his junk aggressively and say you forget how to give a hand job lmao

Comments

L0life29 6

Tuesday 7 May 2024 23:07

I bet you’re the type that doesn’t return the favor….is your name Jera!?!?

BurnInDemonFire 34

Wednesday 8 May 2024 0:16

Are you dating/married to DJ Khaled?

username.what? 1

Saturday 1 June 2024 17:08

I’d suggest you slapping his junk aggressively and say you forget how to give a hand job lmao

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Friends Awkward Haircut Cute Holidays Lonely Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work You're fired Cars Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, I hit off with a guy I met on Tumblr, and we moved to Discord to chat. We're just friends, but have things in common. Then I accidentally called him while he was driving by clicking the wrong button, because I forgot how to search things up. Now he thinks I'm a creep. Time to build my walls back up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 158

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 237

The Top

Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a 'fever'. I came home to a dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 226

You deserved it 4 169

Today, my son claimed credit for a money-saving scheme at work that belonged to a colleague. He claimed this to someone in very upper management, but when they tried to ask follow-up questions, he obviously had no idea how to answer, admitted his lie and was sacked on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 438

Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 830

You deserved it 4 616

Today, I got the most tear-jerking comment so far about my severe stutter. While I was talking to my neighbor, his little brother interrupted and asked me if I was possessed by a demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 433

You deserved it 2 592

Today, I told my grandmother I was planning a trip to take my newborn son to meet his great-great-grandfather before it was too late. She had a guilty expression on her face. My great-grandfather died 4 months ago and my family forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 945

You deserved it 270

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 770

You deserved it 9 479