Miscellaneous: Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette... - FML

By Lost - 14/01/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 232

You deserved it 3 139

Age difference

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Stop talking!

By spit saliva spit - 07/08/2019 20:00

Today, I drooled on myself during a job interview and was immediately dismissed. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 529

By beatricesank - 23/05/2009 14:03 - Canada

Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 886

You deserved it 6 621

By blackcat37 - 28/09/2013 10:53 - United States - Independence

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 534

You deserved it 4 899

By Katrina - 13/02/2011 22:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 445

You deserved it 9 513

By my face though - 25/01/2016 17:04 - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 761

You deserved it 2 438

Relaxing chimes

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my new neighbor just put up really loud wind chimes. I just got a ton of letters under my door, stating if I don't take them down, they're going to file a noise complaint with the building management. She owns her condo, I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 48

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 394

You deserved it 42 353

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 071

You deserved it 3 995

You went too far

By Dia - 02/05/2021 05:01

Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 984

By Failed Artist - 30/08/2015 04:49 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 901

You deserved it 1 720

By moo... - 18/05/2013 02:59

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 418

You deserved it 13 169

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for not showing up to her mother's birthday party. I didn't go because I had to finish a project for work over the weekend. This is the same person who refused to go to my father's funeral because she, "didn't feel like getting dressed up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 624

You deserved it 827

By Singleagain - 19/04/2016 12:01 - Sint Maarten (Dutch part) - Philipsburg

Spicy

Today, I learned that not texting my girlfriend for two days is considered dumping her, and is ample reason to screw other men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 234

You deserved it 9 942

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 448

You deserved it 7 356

By Anownimous - 18/09/2015 19:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 50-something coworker followed through on his threat to file a defamation lawsuit against me. All because I jokingly said "pedo" after he bragged to everyone that his girlfriend is a smoking hot 19-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 697

You deserved it 5 636

By mother to be - 04/08/2014 13:20 - United States

Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 855

You deserved it 7 026

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 10:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 343

You deserved it 20 586

Alas, poor Donald

By Hit and Run - 13/07/2021 07:59 - United States

Today, while driving, I put on my hazards and slowed to a stop to let a family of geese cross the street. The pick-up truck behind me however, decided to change lanes and speed off, running over at least half of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 85

So, it is not immoral ?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yells at my dad for watching porn. My dad responds, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I have shown you!" He is also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 156

By fuck - 13/07/2013 17:22 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Spicy

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 453

You deserved it 59 627

By Shuttie - 18/01/2013 12:55 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 560

You deserved it 43 502

By Mmm - 25/07/2015 10:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 344

You deserved it 23 026

Double crossed

By ??? - 19/07/2020 05:01

Spicy

Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 286

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 14:14 - United States

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 750

You deserved it 50 191

By LP - 16/02/2015 03:25 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 543

You deserved it 2 356

By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Spicy

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 662

You deserved it 1 700

By moneycatious - 19/03/2012 23:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 294

You deserved it 5 503

By DuckyKiller - 20/06/2009 12:11 - United States

Today, I was at a pond taking pictures with my new camera. I saw a mama duck leading her babies around and decided to get in closer to take a picture. Mama duck got spooked and led her babies too close to a waterfall escaping. One fell off. It never surfaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 525

You deserved it 57 341

By shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 267

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 14:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 248

You deserved it 43 866

Look out!

By station - 05/05/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 918

You deserved it 57 151

By houdinette - 22/11/2013 23:14 - Sweden - Norrk?ping

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 153

You deserved it 5 941

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 305

You deserved it 3 945

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 04:51 - Australia - Forestville

Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 2 072

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 381

You deserved it 8 511

Thanks, I hate it

By CabbageFart92 - 04/09/2017 01:30

Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 545

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 13:56 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, while at work, my ex-boyfriend came in. I pretended not to see him, hoping he would just pass on by. No such luck. He stopped to tell me that he was there for orientation. My company hired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 979

You deserved it 3 221

Red Sox Nation

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called saying that she wanted to break up because she wasn't into me anymore. Yesterday, I paid $400 to take her to a Red Sox game, so I asked her why she even came with me. She said that she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend, and he said he was going to that game too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 133

By Tired - 12/01/2015 14:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 337

You deserved it 2 958

By FirstWeekFail - 04/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying "that woman needs to get laid" I heard hysterical laughing behind me. I turned. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 3 013

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:17

It's actually a decent razor...

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:19

I got one for my 18th birthday also. how weird.

Comments

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:13

at least someone thought about you...

PeopleRSoDumb 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:55

I thought it was hilarious that Gillette does that. I got two of them as well.. one on my 18th, and on my 19th. They should've sent me some alcohol on my 21st for those standards.

TheTragicReturn 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 22:28

More like a machine thought about him.

Ihatefakefmls 2

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Friday 15 January 2010 19:18

I'm still jealous.

Reyo 2

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Saturday 16 January 2010 1:03

Question: Did you tell anyone that your birthday was today before hand, or did you just expect everyone to read your mind? I get your family, but you can't expect your friends to know if you don't tell them. Hell, I don't even know half my friend's birthdays. It isn't because I don't care, it's because it's never come up in the conversation. Have you ever once said "Hey, my birthday's next week"?

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Wednesday 31 March 2010 14:14

possibly the best fml post ever haha

NickPortrayed 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 18:02

YOU UNGRATEFUL!

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 6:41

shave ur happy place and get sex for free from a prostitute.

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Friday 18 March 2011 6:32

hintedy hint hint

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:14

...

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Thursday 14 January 2010 22:24

(using a useless comment to bring myself to the top... idc) dude its my birthday today too :D:D:D but people said things. i hope your birthday turns out to be awesome :D!

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Friday 15 January 2010 5:15

It was my 18th birthday too! :D

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Saturday 16 January 2010 22:52

lololololol...it was my 18th on jan 14th three....damn

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 4:25

well at least someone remembered.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:16

lol that sucks

StiffPvtParts 43

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Friday 19 September 2014 19:43

I didn't get anything for my 18th birthday... not even a 'happy birthday' from any of my family. I would've been happier if I at least got something like OP did (._.)

XLauraxLithiumX 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:17

I had a simalar Christmas this year.

austinisme247 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 5:04

ya but christmas isnt something personal to you. if they forget about christmas then they are retarded but it wouldnt mean anything to u, however if someone important forgot your birthday thats just a slap in the face

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Saturday 6 April 2013 20:35

Similar*. Sorry...Had to

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:17

It's actually a decent razor...

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Saturday 29 December 2012 20:56

It is haha. I still have mine from a year ago. Gillette is such a nice company.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:18

happy bday

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:19

I got one for my 18th birthday also. how weird.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 21:40

Shaving partay.

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Friday 11 March 2011 17:21

lol I got one too, kinda creepy but great advertising technique

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Thursday 8 May 2014 4:40

me too...how do they do it haha

Circumsoldier 6

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Friday 1 July 2016 17:36

I got one too but I'm 17?

CoolKidsNvrDie 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:20

Happy Birthday :)

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:21

I thought this FML was making a suicide undertone, but nobody else appears to think so...

rosierosierosie 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:24

i thought that too

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:25

Seriously! I can't help but think the OP is going to cut their wrists with that free razor

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:27

I didn't think anyone got straight razors these days; their like collectors items. I figured the OP will have it too tough slicing his wrists with a safety razor.

Iwannabetreo 11

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:43

There are ways to get the blades out. It's not impossible. o;

24788 6

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Thursday 14 January 2010 21:26

Why not just buy a pack of blades or find a new one instead of trying to get a razor apart?

TheTragicReturn 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 22:20

Hahaha this comment made this FML so much better for me.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:21

Not bad... those razors are getting expensive.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 20:26

Later: AGGoddess told me I might get a suprise party tonight. Nothing happened, except some free shaving cream from Gillette for my razor. FML

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 95

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 34