Love: Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant... - FML

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 657

You deserved it 6 818

Leave us alone

Walk the line

Selfish tit

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 5 850

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 114

You deserved it 1 449

Gamers rise up

By marie - 02/12/2020 23:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a stressful day at work, I just wanted to go home and play video games. And then I broke my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 135

By hatesgravity - 02/09/2010 11:40 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75mph on the freeway, I made it off in one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 901

You deserved it 25 551

By Username - 25/11/2012 23:36 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 023

You deserved it 1 885

By buckid310 - 03/11/2009 21:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 841

You deserved it 2 639

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 555

You deserved it 7 874

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 23:31 - Canada

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 2 608

Memorable presentation

By paul - 02/02/2010 11:25 - France

Today, I had a big meeting. Halfway through my presentation, I sneezed, and continued talking. I get some weird looks from my co-workers, but I didn't understand what they meant. When I finished, I passed by my boss walking to my chair, and he gave me a handkerchief. Why? Snot was all over my tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 236

You deserved it 4 747

The Breakfast Club 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 02:00

Today, my husband's high school friends got together tonight. Nothing more pathetic than listening to a bunch of losers reliving their glory days as high school seniors. I honestly thought I would have picked someone better than this. My husband fucking peaked at 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 2 201

By "Noelle Diane Irwin" - 21/02/2019 16:00

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 268

You deserved it 263

By Shoeless - 20/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, after I drank way too much, my friend pulled the car over so I could throw up. Next to my pile of puke was a discarded shoe that looked remarkably like one from my favorite pair. When I got home, I realized that my left shoe was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 347

You deserved it 35 267

By SeeTony - 19/11/2009 07:33 - United States

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 812

You deserved it 5 492

By TayRenee - 30/01/2017 14:00 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, while in an ambulance after being in a car wreck, the EMT told me I would need to sign some electronic paperwork. He held it above my head for me to sign and promptly dropped it on my my face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 487

You deserved it 464

By mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 588

You deserved it 10 302

By BOOP - 17/02/2012 13:25 - United States

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 505

You deserved it 7 684

By Jim - 10/03/2011 18:09 - United States

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 598

You deserved it 9 040

By Anonymous - 11/04/2015 22:05 - United States - Shelby

Spicy

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 760

You deserved it 11 816

By wronged - 08/07/2011 08:41 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my extremely paranoid boyfriend called me a whore and threatened to break up with me, all because he had a dream in which I had sex with my ex. I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 415

You deserved it 7 852

Never enough

By Discostu80 - 06/06/2009 10:24 - Australia

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes' ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 777

You deserved it 6 924

Technologically challenged

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 05:01

Today, my aged mother continued to complain about her computer issues to me. A relative, who is good at tech support, won't bother servicing her computer because whatever she does ends up bogging it down the next day, so I have to hear about it on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 130

By wahwah - 23/10/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 122

You deserved it 6 254

Barf

By Danielle - 25/10/2020 11:02

Spicy

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 161

By isaidfuckoff - 27/06/2015 18:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 252

You deserved it 2 788

By Anonymous - 21/03/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 866

You deserved it 6 680

By Anonymous - 05/12/2012 04:09 - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 872

You deserved it 4 296

Laundry Day

By daqueen009 - 18/12/2020 17:04 - United States

Today, I had to do my laundry. Being too lazy to separate them into different colors, or even check the pockets of my jeans, I threw everything I own into one load. Turns out I had left a tin of lip balm in one of my pockets. My whole wardrobe is now covered in spots that won't come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 1 448

By Andrew - 12/10/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 293

You deserved it 13 348

By Anonymous - 11/03/2018 15:00

Today, the girl I thought I was dating introduced me to her boyfriend. We've gone on dates and have slept in the same bed, but it turns out she thought I was her gay best friend and was planning to introduce me to her boyfriend's brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 275

You deserved it 836

Things that go bump in the… parking lot

By Lousydriver - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I hadn't noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 385

You deserved it 31 869

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 21:45 - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 528

You deserved it 3 404

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went into work with the mentality that all of my ass-busting work was going to result in me finally being promoted to manager. We had a site meeting. The entire building is being laid off because Apple cut our contract. Yay, I'm out of a job. I hate Apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 015

You deserved it 207

By too dumb for sex - 16/03/2019 22:00

Today we tried to have sex for the first time but I got so excited my blood pressure shot up and I got a nosebleed that didn't fully stop for nearly 30 minutes. Then when we tried again she accidentally headbutted me. The new bleeding still hasn't stopped and I'm feeling very lightheaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 236

By brittrod - 05/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 3 367

Walking Dead

By Anonymous - 02/08/2020 14:01

Today, my doctor informed me I was a fascinating patient. Why? I have "more health issues than a patient my age should." I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 119

By Anon - 29/09/2015 03:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 016

You deserved it 8 997

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 20:01

Today, I found out that the airhead sitting next to me at work who can't get anything done on her own, makes more money than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 141

By Anon - 01/05/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 537

You deserved it 9 295

Not that sort, I swear

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 11:01 - Luxembourg - Mamer

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 147

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Top comments

jasonswife423 18

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:08

Hint hint

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:12

At least he's trying to help you out! :)

Comments

jasonswife423 18

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:08

Hint hint

9a_1z 12

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Saturday 21 November 2015 21:39

She could take it as a hint, but I'm just imagining the boyfriend having a panic a few minutes before seeing her and dashing into the nearest corner shop going 'argh argh I'll quickly get her something she'll actually use, chocolate is so cliché'.

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Saturday 21 November 2015 22:48

I like that theory!

Brandi_Faith 33

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Sunday 22 November 2015 7:41

I totally thought it was because she hasn't been shaving her armpits. Now I'm wondering if he just sucks at buying gifts. Which is worse? The image 26 gave was pretty funny!

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:12

At least he's trying to help you out! :)

MariaGiovanni 25

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Sunday 22 November 2015 3:14

Exactly. What a useful gift!

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Sunday 22 November 2015 13:24

I would be happy! Razors are expensive and hey, I'd be fully equipped for some birthday "booty".

arano 29

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:12

At least he didn't break up with you for being a hairy, smelly girlfriend. YDI

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Saturday 21 November 2015 22:13

lmao

DanCastellaneta 17

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Tuesday 24 November 2015 17:50

Or maybe he's just insulting her for no reason...

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:14

Always remember OP: Deodorant is not optional.

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Saturday 21 November 2015 23:06

Not for everyone apparently. I was shocked to find out my boyfriend has never worn deodorant or cologne and yet never smells bad even at the end of the day. I get out of the shower, sit on the couch and an hour later my pits stink if I don't put any on. Wish I was like him.

pandalover69 26

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Sunday 22 November 2015 4:25

I wish my boyfriend was like yours, sometimes mine has to put more deodorant on to go to bed.

caarlosgomez_ 14

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Sunday 22 November 2015 22:12

If you don't shower for a whole week, how the hell are you in a relationship?

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Monday 23 November 2015 1:12

#76 There is too much bacteria on the human body to not shower for a week. Not showering for a week is truly gross and while you think you don't smell others around you would probably disagree. The fact your in a relationship is astonishing, I guess it's true people will settle.

classicsparkles 17

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:15

That's a nice gift, stuff is expensive.

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:16

At least it's a useful gift

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:16

I dont know for sure but i feel like he's trying to get something across lol.

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:18

maybe if it was all in a set he thought it was one of those spa things, guys can be a bit clueless like that. happy birthday OP

man_in_black08 28

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:18

Im surprised he continues to be with you after 3 strikes. He is a keeper OP!

thisisthestupid 18

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:19

My nan did that for me but because I couldn't afford all this girly stuff and he got tired of seeing me suffer Idc if he was trying to be mean Free stuff for me Invite him in for the spa party ;)

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Saturday 21 November 2015 20:25

Your nan is a he, and you think deodorant, soap, and a razor are girly stuff instead of essential human stuff? Interesting…

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Saturday 21 November 2015 22:18

did you ever hear about the pink tax? while soap, razor and deodorant are not explicitly girly stuff the girly aka the "pink" version tends to be more expensive than the normal or guy version. and the nan might be just a person who prefers he as a pronoun - or it was just a typo.

bandaidstations 28

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Saturday 21 November 2015 22:52

It's because chicks will pay whatever for pretty shiny things and guys tend to only buy what they really need so those sorts of marketing tactics don't work for men. Also have you ever read instructions for women? Don't use while sleeping. If plug doesn't fit in outlet, turn around and try again.... Men's stuff doesn't have this shit. stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. they're mostly true. Who the hell needs to be told not to use an electric razor while asleep

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 1 999

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 190