Miscellaneous: Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

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Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Walk on the wild side

Out of it

By ewwww - United States - Monroe

Today, I went to the doctor for the constant pain I have when eating savory or sour foods. It turns out I have a stone in my saliva gland, and no joke, the only thing I can do to fix it is eat savory or sour food to make me drool enough to force it out. FML

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By Fat_abott - France

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

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43149

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By Poorfish - United States

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

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By bored2death - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

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31186

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

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25725

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By Hungryman - France

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

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By birdiebeth13 - United States - Chippewa Falls

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Not funny

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Miami

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

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By UGH! - Canada

Today, I slid into a seat in a very busy foodcourt that was jam packed full of seniors at the mall. It was the only seat available, so I was quick to jump into it. It was soaked with urine. FML

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By Weedle

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

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790

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By Stuck - United States - Evans

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

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By "taelor14"

Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked at me and said that I had to sit elsewhere because I had to be over 14 to sit near the emergency exit. I'm 22. FML

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By Cecilian - 6/3/2021 00:30

Stand up guy

Today, I found out why my fiancé has been treating me like garbage lately. He thought that me getting fed up and dumping him would save him the unpleasant task of having to confess to the affair he’s been having with his coworker. We’re expecting our baby girl in 4 months. FML

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By DogBeater - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11947

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By rmonk - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at an ice cream place, and a guy started chatting with us. As he eventually went to leave, he told me "That's a nice looking date you got there." Then he turned to my friend. "Wish I could say the same to you." FML

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12402

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By Noname - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I decided to not hang in the library after school like I usually do. When I got home, I found my father cheating on my mother with my girlfriend, who said she was gay. FML

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By Peter C. - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

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By jkim - United States - San Diego

Flying high

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

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By ratqueen - Canada - Brampton

Today, I discovered that catching fewer mice in the traps I'd put out doesn't mean my pest problem is getting resolved. It means that rats have moved in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

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20283

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By Darth Binks - Canada

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

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By katie

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

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57764

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By mommy

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

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819

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

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By the bad artist - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was talking to an art critic at an exhibition. He told me that the artist had no talent and went on to tell me everything wrong with each painting. I'd painted them all. FML

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By queenbee12345678 - United States

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

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9900

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By magnolia - United States

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

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13368

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By okaythen - Egypt - Cairo

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

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29670

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By Nope - United States - Healdsburg

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

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By scaredypants123 - United States

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

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38341

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25837

You deserved it

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By epictothemax - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue piercing and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin says "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years old. FML

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60761

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By for the love of god - United States

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

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51298

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By Aprilfools - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

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By bedrockmike - United States

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10548

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By Shit - United States - San Francisco

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

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Top comments

By Mister_FML_ | 10

#5961387 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:40

Change. But not the gift. Change your family.

By Capitan | 15

#5961395 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:43

Maybe him remembering is the real gift. The charger is just material. Happy birthday!

COMMENTS

By Timpa70 | 18

#5961382 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:39

You should be able to return it.

purpleturtle16 | 20

#5961418 - Saturday 31 May 2014 13:07

Yep. Exactly. Because that's what OP cares about. The gift. (Not the fact that no one in his/her family bothered to remember the day he/she was born)

pandasaresocute | 21

#5961427 - Saturday 31 May 2014 13:29

Happy Birthday OP!

Demig0d6 | 14

#5961730 - Saturday 31 May 2014 21:29

Yeah happy birthday

Pussycat86 | 18

#5961743 - Saturday 31 May 2014 21:45

When I read the part where OP said I don't really need it, the first thought I had in mind was OP doesn't have a car! Happy birthday OP, well you know how smart phone chargers are easily damaged, maybe he thought his last year's present was damaged already and you need a new one! Just saying :)

By Mister_FML_ | 10

#5961387 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:40

Change. But not the gift. Change your family.

By FMLkoala | 28

#5961389 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:41

It's the thought that counts.

Softballchick224 | 21

#5961402 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:46

He didn't do a very good job. Lol Especially since that's what he got him last year!

WhatsYOURname6 | 25

#5961634 - Saturday 31 May 2014 19:37

That's usually how it goes but the problem is is that he didn't seem to put any thought into it at all.

CoGhostRider | 31

#5961693 - Saturday 31 May 2014 21:12

@10 well to be fair there is no way I could keep a car charger for one year.

Metagame | 12

#5963835 - Tuesday 3 June 2014 3:23

Yeah. He was very thoughtful.

teentee401 | 36

#5981370 - Friday 20 June 2014 1:40

You know what I got for my birthday? A pack of cigarettes!

By PinkkyPek | 6

#5961390 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:41

Does he have a phone charger? else you know what to give him for his birthday!

By Softballchick224 | 21

#5961392 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:42

Happy Birthday!!!!(:

By thelittlemissy | 28

#5961393 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:42

Happy birthday!

By Capitan | 15

#5961395 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:43

Maybe him remembering is the real gift. The charger is just material. Happy birthday!

By xThatOneWeirdGuy | 18

#5961396 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:43

At least he remembered it. Happy birthday OP.

By LaLince | 40

#5961398 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:45

Happy birthday!

By AlexRen | 21

#5961403 - Saturday 31 May 2014 12:47

You know what forget everyone else. Go out and do it big for your birthday if you have the money, take like 1 or 2 good friends and have fun!

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#5961635 - Saturday 31 May 2014 19:38

#11 I'm guessing that OP'S friend's aren't as good as he/she thought they would because if they were then they would of remembered OP'S birthday OP said Only his/her dad remembered.