Intimacy: Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher...

By girlshavepenises - 28/06/2011 06:39 - New Zealand

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 261

You deserved it 4 234

Intimacy

The smell detective is on the case

Sounds like a scam

Size zero

By Lickmylovepump - 19/01/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 379

You deserved it 35 421

By BadBoyfriend - 03/06/2013 04:31 - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 324

You deserved it 7 295

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 707

You deserved it 61 860

Art

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 02:01

Today, I was at my job as a fitting room attendant and I checked a woman and her young son in. After several minutes, they left, saying there was lipstick on the mirror. Not only was it all over two mirrors, but also on the wall, the floor and the carpet. The whole place smelled of lip-balm and I was left to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 126

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 14:01 - United States - Miami

Today, the guy I liked broke things off with me because he needed time to work on himself, and heal from his recent break up. I went on Instagram to find him reading a poem to his ex about how he wants to worship her body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 105

By namhtor - 28/09/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 379

You deserved it 6 718

By Anonymous - 05/03/2012 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 942

You deserved it 2 581

By alli67 - 22/11/2014 03:26

Today, I went to the doctor's with my pregnant sister, only to find out she still weighs less than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 396

You deserved it 7 961

By embarrassedmom - 31/08/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 258

You deserved it 4 218

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 507

You deserved it 4 021

Meme wars

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 22:57

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me via a meme. What the fuck? With a friend of mine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 97

By dazed and confused - 17/12/2013 01:50 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 716

You deserved it 4 314

Proof

By 30goingon13 - 23/10/2021 23:00

Today, my acne was so bad I got carded for a pack of lighters. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 94

By anonymouss - 21/09/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 046

You deserved it 45 229

By Anonymous - 05/04/2012 01:41 - United States - Lindale

Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 761

You deserved it 20 652

Hott

By uglyone - 13/01/2010 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 068

You deserved it 3 426

By MessyMal - 25/12/2009 15:30 - United States

Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at 8am. "Wake up! We got a new puppy!" he told me. I was so excited so I jumped out of my warm bed. When I asked him if he was serious he said "No, but we have to go to church, so get dressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 368

You deserved it 9 339

By doomed - 11/02/2015 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 064

You deserved it 3 776

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 238

You deserved it 5 445

Close quarters

By smellay - 14/04/2020 23:00

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 358

By Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends - 12/01/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 123

You deserved it 3 184

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 697

You deserved it 8 537

By jusfonzin - 16/04/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 880

You deserved it 56 014

By TasedAndDazed - 09/10/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 444

You deserved it 42 865

By AlwaysAwkward - 03/03/2014 02:30 - United States - Strongsville

Today, I got my first massage. At the end, the masseuse made a gesture indicating which way the exit was. After having had her hands all over my body for the past hour, I thought the gesture was indicative of a goodbye hug. Things got awkward really fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 340

You deserved it 9 004

By sorrygranny - 21/01/2013 16:11 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 082

You deserved it 41 279

This is fine

By TheywearintheDIRTYlaundrybasket! - 26/03/2019 22:00

Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 403

You deserved it 192

By Anon - 26/06/2014 04:03 - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 507

You deserved it 5 205

By violet - 29/11/2009 22:52 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed minding my own business when my mom entered the room. I was proposed to a few weeks ago by my boyfriend, and my mom came in to tell me that my boyfriend's mom was on the phone. Turns out, he stole the engagement ring from her drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 000

You deserved it 3 442

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and ended up throwing up as soon as I got home. My mother's first question was an accusatory, "What have you been drinking?" I was returning from the AA meeting I have been attending for over a month. I go because I'm afraid I'll become an alcoholic like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 125

By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 607

You deserved it 4 073

By meh - 17/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 4 746

Sex ed failed some of y'all

By jaya - 25/10/2021 05:00

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 18:02 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 140

You deserved it 2 726

By Anonymous - 12/01/2015 02:41 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 012

You deserved it 3 285

By green2black - 19/05/2010 07:09 - United States

Today, I finally found the girl of my dreams, she's smart, loyal, energetic and adorable. There's one problem. She's a Golden Retreiver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 908

You deserved it 14 547

By Sir Smokalot - 24/09/2009 08:05 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 129

You deserved it 2 866

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 335

You deserved it 1 104

By suppressinggags - 18/03/2016 19:45 - United States - Kennett

Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 467

You deserved it 1 227

By Glutton - 28/01/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 234

You deserved it 49 473

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Top comments

emz89 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:53

that's pretty funny. someone obviously didn't pass sex ed

enonymous 8

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:55

Wait... It doesn't?!? all these years I've been doing it wrong

emz89 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:53

that's pretty funny. someone obviously didn't pass sex ed

alpinestarsss 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:02

?? I'm confused, don't all women have penises?

shannonreneee 11

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:06

Women technically do have a penis, it's the clitoras.

alpinestarsss 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:09

No kidding.

alpinestarsss 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:11

Mines bigger :P

Ferretface 13

Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

michiganguy18 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:29

was she for real

ShyAnn29 14

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:30

the clitoris responds kind of like a penis does so 22 is right!

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:32

36. during the stages in the womb, all babies begin female. which is why men have nipples. once it goes into the male stage the ovaries drop through the vagina to become testicles. the place where the clitoris is eventually grows out to be in the bottom portion of the penis tip. so actually, technically all of us men have dick clits. :P

WhiteBoyThatCan 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:32

22 technically all guys are gay cuz when they eat a girl out the suck a penis :'(

scarletdragonfly 5

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:33

48 - clitterdicks. ;D

Badshah 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:40

yah but men dont have vaginas

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:41

how creative! also dickoris. although they both sound profoundly stupid and the thought. of me having this.. thing is disturbing :/

ItCldBeWorse 1

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 17:18

Looks like a lot of people didn't pay attention in Sex Ed. considering all of these comments.

Alycidon 1

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 17:19

Badshah, ever heard of Buck Angel?

davizv 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 17:52

^48 u have scarred me with ur knowledge

thelawmak3r 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 18:23

fuck you

Termites 15

Tuesday 28 June 2011 18:33

Wow! Based off of all these male's comments, NONE of you get layed or you would have played with a clit long enough to realize that it behaves like a little penis... Sad.. I'm glad i get laid on a daily basis. Turtle power!

iEatGuppies 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 19:13

*facepalm*

BVBxXxARMY 5

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 19:24

shane Dawson!

pertained 12

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 21:21

Erm, 89, you do know there are more fulfilling things to do in life? Sex is one thing, sure, but its not everything.

jayfish7 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 22:26

89 - you win the award for the douchiest comment I've ever read on this website.

ChickenInMyKitch 4

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 22:44

damn #89 youre so lucky please teach us all your ways!!!

GunnarG9 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 23:03

18-I hope you're kidding, cause if your not, you have problems.

ygdrassil 17

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 23:43

Sure she's a woman?

zarii 0

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 0:35

winnnn!!!!

a_nutritionist 10

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 4:39

@45 & 48 by that logic we are all chimpanzees. oh and all faeces are food. that explains why we throw our shit around right? since we are all chimpanzees...oh my bad, having a common precursor isnt the same thing as being identical. so yeah...women dont technically have penises. i dont think you people know what the word technically really means...

yohooooooo 5

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 5:32

obviously the teacher is a hermy.. duhhh!

Slipknot666Maggo 0

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 5:47

I am putting this FML in my faves, solely to read your comments. xD

TheFakeFamilyGuy 9

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 8:25

Gtfo 89. Trolling manwhore

a_nutritionist 10

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 9:31

naw alan, dont be like that, its far more likely hes a recent ex virgin. he just got himself a girlfriend weak minded enough to let him near her and he now thinks cos hes had sex a couple of times that hes an expert on women. give it 3 weeks and i bet hes an expert on unplanned pregnancy, chlamydia and statutory rape laws too.

devwre 0

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:34

epic picture!!!! ^^

ImMeDealWithIt 3

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Saturday 2 July 2011 7:36

haha I know right haha

KittyCatsDance 3

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Thursday 17 November 2011 14:47

Shes obviously trying to tell the class her "personal" problems

lilfreckle7 7

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Sunday 1 January 2012 4:59

:-)

GhostDuck 30

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Thursday 15 March 2012 22:19

Every time I come across this FML and read your comment, I facepalm. Really? You seem a bit dense to be operating a computer right now...

loverrbugg 9

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Monday 10 December 2012 3:40

22 - Just because it may behave like a penis, that does not make the clitoris a penis. And please, if you're going to try and show off your knowledge of human anatomy, at least spell "clitoris" correctly....

PDSot 21

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Friday 1 January 2016 8:21

in the womb, everyone starts out female the clitoris is just an underdeveloped penis when the y chromosome is introduced, the clitoris grows into a penis

marijuanasmoker4 3

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:53

Maybe the teacher was just checking if you were paying attention?

unluckiestperson_fml 14

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:21

She could've just mixed up her words too, it's not like she could genuinely think a woman has a penis

sensoon15 7

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:29

or maybe the teachers just special and has a penis.

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:45

or maybe she's an alien trying to infiltrate and corrupt the Human race for an invasion in 2012. watch out for those damn extraterrestrials

mattmadden 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 17:03

OP's teacher is a hermaphrodite!

heyy17 10

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 19:44

dude your so lucky! I wish Justin bieber taught me sex ed.

benjimm1 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 19:46

^finally. a chick that gets it

notsocrazee 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 20:29

the real failiure here is that she had to put FEMALE in front of vagina MALE in front of penis. because i have yet to see the illusive and quite rare male vagina.

poppyseed420 9

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 20:53

I have unfortunatly, it's a very scary sight let me tell you

sciopod 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 23:28

Buck Angel. That is all.

sanjm3 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 23:43

u kl

Slipknot666Maggo 0

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 5:45

105- ....

abdinoor 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:53

first!

neoncupcakez 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:57

no your third :)

knights95 9

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:01

9-wrong comment :)

griffindragon97 3

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:53

umm? brainfart? somethings not right

EatnBeef 7

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 22:04

no the teacher is right. I think... am I the only man that has a vagina?!

redshortsx 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:55

that's effing hilarious. major fail on the teachers part but not an FML. go post this on MLIA

enonymous 8

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:55

Wait... It doesn't?!? all these years I've been doing it wrong

grantyboi 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:00

That makes two of us...

EamNim 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:04

That makes three of us.

chaps93 6

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:10

that makes four of us... just kidding. I couldn't get laid if my life depended on it

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:34

at least your honest. most people lie about it

enonymous 8

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:59

It's the Internet everyone tells the truth on the Internet.

OceanProtection 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 17:01

lol.. this is why incest is no bueno!

hahahayeahright 5

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 20:52

Lol if everyone were honest on the internet then there would be no trolling goin on! And that would make the internet that much less funny:P

skyttlz 32

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 1:52

According to OP's teacher, I am a male.

FurryPride 9

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 17:30

The truth and Internet are never to be used in the same sentence unless it's in a negative way just go on 4chan **shivers** that's how I found out what a furry is.

Suddenly 0

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 18:00

Still Counts

RavenRiley007 4

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Thursday 30 June 2011 9:50

uhuh and once the female ejaculates and fertilizes the male egg...a fetus is formed in his left testicle...

MrHughJass 0

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Friday 1 July 2011 12:01

win^

hjanelle14 2

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Thursday 7 July 2011 4:41

lol

shaubygal 11

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Monday 12 December 2011 20:38

makes you wonder... does this teacher have a penis and does her husband have a vagina...

dragonstrike94 8

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Saturday 6 October 2012 16:19

212- God that would suck

DudeImBetter 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:57

maybe that's the way it works in his/her household?

irishman1733 0

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 3:01

what happens in Bangkok stays in Bangkok. haha the hangover part two rocked!

bfflrhea 0

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 7:34

your cute.(:

HunterDanielle 3

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 7:46

so..my mom lied to me?

bobsonanna 4

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 11:16

LMAO and the female clitoris enters the male vagina? :DDD Please...

fthku 13

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 11:22

That doesn't seem the case. She said the "female penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina". Seems to me she just mixed up the words. Do make sure you don't come out like an idiot yourself before calling others idiots.