Transportation: Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving...

By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML

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Transportation

This Charming Man

Furry family

It's not unusual

By Whoops - United States

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

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By peetime - 24/7/2021 02:01 - United States

It's about time

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

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By aireun - United States

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a group job interview, where all the applicants seem to have the same qualifications. When the interviewer dismissed all of us but the prettiest girl, outraged, I told him he was a prejudiced pig, and should be ashamed of himself. Apparently she was the only one who had a car. FML

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By Allabouttheporn

Today, at dinner, I was talking to my parents about a movie quote. I couldn't remember what movie it was from. Then I remembered. It was a porno. FML

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By notatherapist - Netherlands - Huizen

Went a bit too far, Sigmund

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

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By MicachuPikachu - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like the customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came from my own pocket. FML

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By frankrizzo - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

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By SwoopingEagle

Today, my co-workers were laughing at me because I couldn't throw paper into the bin, regardless of how close I was. Annoyed, I tried to prove then wrong by angry throwing paper into the bin that was no less that 1 cm away from me. I missed. FML

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By Monika - United States

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

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By Rachel - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

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By hopelesss88 - Australia

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later his twitter account said otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Caught short

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

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By Kingofbosses - United States

Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML

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By Dammit - United States - Long Beach

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

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70446

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By shewhopoopsinlitterboxes - United States - Downingtown

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

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43884

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By loving wife - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

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By Jessy - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML

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By sluttydancer - United States

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

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25170

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By Alyssa - United States

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

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By thanksbro - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

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By Charlotte - United States

Today, I arrived at work at 8, and business was abnormally slow, but we assumed it would pick up. Few hours later, we had not had a single customer. As I walk out of the restaurant, I realize the open sign has been off all day. FML

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By Wtfbro - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Paterson

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

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By argh - United States

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

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By Username - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

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By Sticky - 8/11/2020 17:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Craft beer bores

Today, just before bed, I decided to put away the dry washing. I ended up knocking over my boyfriend's precious brewing ginger beer. It took me an hour to clean it off the floor, cupboards, door, outside and inside of the fridge. Everything is still sticky and smells of yeast. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Control freak

Today, after over a month of planning, my friend had to cancel her first night out in over a year. Why? Because her "perfect" fiancé didn't want to, and started sulking when she tried to, so decided to put off letting her go out for a few more months. Apparently, it's my fault this happens. FML

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By Anonymous

No good deed goes unpunished

Today, I went in for my first day of work. I told them three months in advance that I was going away for 2 weeks to build a school in a third world country. I was fired. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Jolene - United States - Gloucester

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

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By alicia - Canada - Montreal

Wanker

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

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By Gasman - New Zealand

Today, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room and thought that I was alone. I let rip 2 massive farts before realising there was a very short woman behind the computer screen at the desk. FML

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By BbyDelight - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

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Top comments

By Shikamaru_fml | 11

#1904863 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:56

YDI creep

By enoughgrace | 4

#1904896 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:01

leave the stalking to the corn, fool!

COMMENTS

By Shikamaru_fml | 11

#1904863 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:56

YDI creep

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1904926 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:07

creep YDI

WhatTheFuq | 0

#1904947 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:10

Cre YDI ep

mercedes3210 | 6

#1905078 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:57

Nothing wrong with facebook stalking. I do it all the time!

TobyFunke | 3

#1905092 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 20:01

we've all crept facebook, but even I have never creeped so much that I tricked myself into thinking I knew someone personally

alwa7sh | 2

#1905156 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 20:23

Rather than frantically waving, you should have POKED her

brianjman14 | 22

#1905207 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 20:34

It is rare that a YDI is set up as good as this one.

Also, I like the name, #2.

vatt | 0

#1905225 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 20:40

you were prob like and she was like 

Lucidium | 0

#1905839 - Thursday 30 December 2010 0:17

Nice one 37 :D

gabsta | 3

#1906163 - Thursday 30 December 2010 2:44

hahahaha #40
and everybody has at least facebook stalked at least once or they're not true facebookers :| hahaha jks... lol.. -.-

lol523 | 0

#1906451 - Thursday 30 December 2010 5:29

#2 I love your name and pic xD

XxxT3rr4xxX | 25

#4643788 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:39

creeper . . . u r one . . . YDI OP?! :S

By xena99 | 0

#1904869 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:57

That's just creepy!!!

All_For_Love | 0

#1905263 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 20:54

I know. 0.o

By 0KiED0KiE | 0

#1904879 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:59

what a creeper.

By beatlesfreak | 0

#1904886 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:59

Haha weird!

By Texass2224 | 0

#1904894 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:01

why did you stalk her on facebook? and even if you knew her why would you be waving frantically?!

Klond1ke | 0

#1915091 - Saturday 1 January 2011 4:03

lolol

By enoughgrace | 4

#1904896 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:01

leave the stalking to the corn, fool!

Myren_fml | 0

#1904922 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:06

So corny! Haha

ItsJustMe17 | 9

#1905932 - Thursday 30 December 2010 1:02

Hahahaha!!!

By asianpowaaa | 0

#1904908 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:04

weird ass creeper

By xMafia | 0

#1904916 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:06

Shit, why don't you just do the same to them and bet on their divorce?

youfailed18 | 0

#1904934 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:09

um.... wrong FML, man..

hairt | 4

#1904939 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:10

wrong fml 10!! :P

zcknight | 0

#1905578 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 22:44

fyl for posting on the wrong fml

By Myren_fml | 0

#1904931 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:08

Uhm wrong fml lol

By zanguard | 0

#1904936 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 19:10

So is this a FML because you are a creeper or because she ran from you?

indycard | 0

#1909090 - Thursday 30 December 2010 16:58

Haha.