Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving...

By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 16:30 - Sweden

Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML

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Transportation

Understandable

Last dates

Property law

By StillSingle - 29/6/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

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By fmylife117 - 17/2/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML

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By heyhijello - 9/9/2013 22:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

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By lifesmells - 27/6/2009 00:29 - Canada

Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML

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By tony456 - 11/7/2011 21:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

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By dumbfounded - 8/5/2016 12:14 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to calm down an angry customer who claimed one of my employees had "traumatized" her dog. Apparently her dog is really OCD and my employee didn't line up the dog bed at the right angle. She threatened to report us to the BBB. How do these morons even exist? FML

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By anonya - 28/8/2012 04:43 - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 08:08

Forever alone

Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML

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By sliceddice - 10/3/2010 16:08 - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

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By waterproblem - 27/5/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

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By ohgod - 14/8/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

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By student101 - 26/3/2014 03:37 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

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By jnisla - 11/10/2013 22:44 - United States - Conway

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

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By Username - 7/8/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

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By greenhide8 - 28/5/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

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By thenegatives - 9/10/2014 01:12 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2012 22:35 - United States

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

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By garfwebba - 3/1/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

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By addict - 26/8/2017 13:00

Today, after spending over a year getting clean and sober, I started feeling horrible withdrawal symptoms and couldn't understand why. It turns out my wife had been dosing my food with Adderall "to keep me on track" and just stopped. So much for my anniversary chip. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2014 19:21 - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

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By - 14/2/2020 05:00

Pain in the neck

Today, my mom drove my car and ran had to make a u turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she speeds to turn running off the road and denting my car. Make it worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions. Then follows up with it is not that bad. FML

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By Jakub89 - 5/6/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

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By joybirdnot_13 - 8/7/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 mins. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2015 13:19 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML

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By Spanner - 25/4/2019 00:00

Today, I realized why a female colleague keeps asking me if I'm high when I'm not. All I'm thinking when I see her is how glad I am to see her. Dilated pupils, flushed face, stupid grin on my face? I'm not high. I'm in love with her. She's married. Oh, and she wants to be my roommate for a year. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

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By brigitte - 27/6/2013 17:35 - France - Noyon

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

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By Pudgymom - 21/10/2016 02:08

Today, I ran into an old friend at the store with my infant daughter. As we caught up, she assured me that I could get rid of all my baby weight from the pregnancy. If only I had actually been pregnant. My wife carried her and looks fantastic. FML

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By FML - 12/8/2010 16:19 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

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By Kate - 23/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

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By purged - 8/6/2013 23:43 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

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By cai - 29/10/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2016 20:27 - United States - Covina

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

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By FML - 4/9/2015 16:27 - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

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By niki - 10/1/2013 02:37 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

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By anonymous - 27/11/2014 03:33 - United States - Butler

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

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By embarrassed - 12/7/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2016 05:38 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML

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By gpistas - 23/5/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

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By solyana vr1 - 15/3/2012 01:32 - United States

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

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Top comments

By Shikamaru_fml | 11

#1904863 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 18:56

YDI creep

By enoughgrace | 4

#1904896 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:01

leave the stalking to the corn, fool!

COMMENTS

By Shikamaru_fml | 11

#1904863 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 18:56

YDI creep

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1904926 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:07

creep YDI

WhatTheFuq | 0

#1904947 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:10

Cre YDI ep

mercedes3210 | 6

#1905078 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:57

Nothing wrong with facebook stalking. I do it all the time!

TobyFunke | 3

#1905092 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 20:01

we've all crept facebook, but even I have never creeped so much that I tricked myself into thinking I knew someone personally

alwa7sh | 2

#1905156 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 20:23

Rather than frantically waving, you should have POKED her

brianjman14 | 22

#1905207 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 20:34

It is rare that a YDI is set up as good as this one.

Also, I like the name, #2.

vatt | 0

#1905225 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 20:40

you were prob like and she was like 

Lucidium | 0

#1905839 - Thursday 30 December 2011 0:17

Nice one 37 :D

gabsta | 3

#1906163 - Thursday 30 December 2011 2:44

hahahaha #40
and everybody has at least facebook stalked at least once or they're not true facebookers :| hahaha jks... lol.. -.-

lol523 | 0

#1906451 - Thursday 30 December 2011 5:29

#2 I love your name and pic xD

XxxT3rr4xxX | 25

#4643788 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:39

creeper . . . u r one . . . YDI OP?! :S

By xena99 | 0

#1904869 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 18:57

That's just creepy!!!

All_For_Love | 0

#1905263 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 20:54

I know. 0.o

By 0KiED0KiE | 0

#1904879 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 18:59

what a creeper.

By beatlesfreak | 0

#1904886 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 18:59

Haha weird!

By Texass2224 | 0

#1904894 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:01

why did you stalk her on facebook? and even if you knew her why would you be waving frantically?!

Klond1ke | 0

#1915091 - Saturday 1 January 2011 4:03

lolol

By enoughgrace | 4

#1904896 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:01

leave the stalking to the corn, fool!

Myren_fml | 0

#1904922 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:06

So corny! Haha

ItsJustMe17 | 9

#1905932 - Thursday 30 December 2011 1:02

Hahahaha!!!

By asianpowaaa | 0

#1904908 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:04

weird ass creeper

By xMafia | 0

#1904916 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:06

Shit, why don't you just do the same to them and bet on their divorce?

youfailed18 | 0

#1904934 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:09

um.... wrong FML, man..

hairt | 4

#1904939 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:10

wrong fml 10!! :P

zcknight | 0

#1905578 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 22:44

fyl for posting on the wrong fml

By Myren_fml | 0

#1904931 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:08

Uhm wrong fml lol

By zanguard | 0

#1904936 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 19:10

So is this a FML because you are a creeper or because she ran from you?

indycard | 0

#1909090 - Thursday 30 December 2011 16:58

Haha.