Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
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Top comments
watchme 11
I suggest locking your door at night
shorty6823 28
I don't think he's old enough to really understand death... And how permanent it is
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Comments (169)
jcamp18 1
I fear for what this kid could become if not supervised
laden_swallow09 35
Doesn't matter. It's destructive behavior and should be dealt with accordingly.
The_Mr_Troll 14
It's Stewie!
shadow134 4
Someone's becoming a little stewie
TheDrifter 24
You never played dead before? My ol'lady does it every time I climb into bed. He's likely playing doctor or something while she slept and her waking up wasn't supposed to happen yet. Not really destructive behavior.
edris_305 21
A future serial killer is on its way :-)
pattayarick 8
Well, you are the evil one, and he was sent here to save us from you.
Shazam25 7
That was too funny. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help laughing. Lol
besitos30 5
My 5 year old knows and understands what death is... Maybe OP just isn't a very good mother? :P
jannatanelle 5
#77 a little harsh don't you think?! and I highly doubt your 5 yr old grasps the full meaning of death unless some one very close to him her has died recently and then how can you call her a bad mother that her child hasn't had to experience death yet ?! everyone knows how to raise the child except those who are
4Madden 19
Geez woman, put a leash on your little demon. Didn't your mom ever tell how to properly care for the little bastards?
lylotrezor 20
80, didn't your mom teach you how to not be an asshole?