Love, Health, Relatable, Awkward and Drugs: The drugs are working - FML

The drugs are working

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 06:00

Today, my wife woke up from dental surgery still stoned off her box. She was asking for me, but when she saw me she said, “Ew, you’re ugly, I asked you to go get my husband, he’s goofy looking but you’re just plain ugly so you’re not my husband.” Not sure how to feel about that. FML

agreeclassic 926

vote type 1 130

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 2 August 2023 15:59

I think you should feel "goofy looking," it's the best-case scenario.

Yudith 25

Wednesday 2 August 2023 23:19

Is she still stoned off her box? If she is, now is the time to tell her a couple truths of your own.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 2 August 2023 15:59

I think you should feel "goofy looking," it's the best-case scenario.

Yudith 25

Wednesday 2 August 2023 23:19

Is she still stoned off her box? If she is, now is the time to tell her a couple truths of your own.

Crowned Sataness 12

Thursday 3 August 2023 8:32

anesthesia can make you say some fecked up shit. she didn't mean it

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Today, for the millionth time, my mother grounded me for “giving her a dirty look.” I can't see my own face, and I was actually in a good mood at the time. Whenever I accidentally give someone a dirty look, it always comes as a complete surprise, and my mother refuses to believe this. FML

agreeclassic 948

vote type 1 106

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

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Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

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Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

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Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

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Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

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