Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
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Top comments
watchme 11
I suggest locking your door at night
shorty6823 28
I don't think he's old enough to really understand death... And how permanent it is
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Comments (169)
simsgirlgem 25
What shows does he watch and if he plays videogames do you check the tag to make sure its for kids his age I've seen many a soccer mom come into game stop complaining about a game being violent and how there is no rating system when there is
DracoSpirita 21
The kid's five. I'm pretty sure he doesn't play games like Call of Duty or Halo.
simsgirlgem 25
still doesn't mean it doesn't happen again many a soccer mom and its usually cause the kid wanted the game and mom didn't check the rating
xXNerrrdXx 16
Time to followe what shows he is watching...
TheInvisibleOne 31
Either he's been watching way too many horror movies, or he needs some serious therapy.
LyraAlluse 25
They always start young!
LyraAlluse 25
And yes, that was a joke. But in all seriousness the kid probably didn't know what he was doing.
hnaggar 15
You got yourself a Stewie Griffen
m3lyc 18
Griffin*
illegalbeagle69 23
Your "ol' lady" isn't 5..
scice03 8
I wouldn't be horribly concerned, but I would consider having someone just check him out, you don't want this to snowball. You don't want to find dead animals under his bed in a few years!
badmandilon 19
He might be exposed too much to violence or he's probably thought money is everything.
antony1197 2
I suggest you kill you child before it makes more children ..
avapaige1234 19
Made my day so much! This FML needs to be illustrated. Seriously.