Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when...

By ManInPain - 12/7/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Workaholic

Mixology

By CASH_NoMOMEY - 7/5/2015 05:12 - United States - Windsor

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2016 08:38

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2009 05:44 - Australia

Today, I was driving my child to school when the car let out a huge bang. It shuddered to a halt. My son started laughing. I asked him what was funny but he wouldn't tell me. The car wouldn't start. I called RACV and they told me the problem. My son had rolled 9 golf balls into the exhaust pipe. FML

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By Weirdo - 30/12/2013 18:39 - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

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By teacher - 25/1/2013 05:25 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

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By GiWi - 18/11/2009 16:45 - Ireland

Today, I asked my boss a simple question about a problem I was having with a project I am currently doing. He replied: ''You don't worry your sweet little ass about it babe". My boss is my girlfriend's father. Nice. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

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40533

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By AwkwardPotato - 2/7/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2014 14:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

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By Baby eater - 20/5/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2019 06:00 - United States - New York

Great start

Today, I was starting my new job in the city. A man with a torn suit on came up to me and asks me for spare change. In a hurry to catch a taxi, I declined and rushed to catch one. At the office, my boss was late. About an hour later, I found out the man in the suit was my boss. He was attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1823

You deserved it

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By Jailbird - 9/6/2017 17:00 - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4175

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By Dark_Cecilia - 1/12/2015 22:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I called the cops on this guy who kept emailing me without revealing who he was. I had told him that if he emailed me again, I would call the cops, so I did. Turns out it was my roommate. FML

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21930

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By WayToGoDaddyHo - 8/7/2015 06:17 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML

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By Danou - 28/3/2011 13:51 - France

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

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32044

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 14:00

Chocolate chip

Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

888

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By Kutakito - 15/4/2013 20:18 - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

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By Kidsthesedays - 9/11/2015 19:33 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 08:06 - United States

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

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By honeybunny - 19/11/2014 19:04 - United States - Norman

Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long 12 hour drive. FML

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34910

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By embaressed - 27/1/2009 17:33 - Canada

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

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By huh? - 28/9/2020 05:02 - United States

It is weird

Today, my wife called me a pervert and a degenerate for lusting after a teenage girl. I’d found some old pictures from high school and remarked about how sexy she’s always been. It was her I was talking about. I said she’d always been attractive, but liking her as a teen is now weird I guess. FML

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1355

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By dfkjhregoiuberiug - 9/12/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

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25826

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By 123literateABC - 4/11/2015 03:10 - United States - Grand Haven

Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML

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22408

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By zerom - 23/7/2011 00:52 - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

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By neighbour hell - 25/4/2013 17:56 - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

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By everfresh - 26/1/2011 10:38 - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23085

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By Satan's Lil elf - 14/1/2019 14:00

Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's. Even the cashier watching was like, "Fuck, dude." FML

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1469

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By jack1057 - 14/7/2020 05:01

Black Lives Matter

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

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1459

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By Ouchies - 1/10/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

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50169

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By "levsterx" - 5/4/2017 02:00

Today, my mom dragged me along with her to a baby shower. I was the only guy there. FML

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4483

You deserved it

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By greenhide8 - 28/5/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19960

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By SadPuppy - 22/5/2013 07:14 - United States

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46719

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By Maggie - 17/3/2020 17:00

Nice mental image

Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1554

You deserved it

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By Sam - 20/6/2010 13:18 - France

Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML

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37928

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By howrude - 11/9/2009 11:57 - Canada

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41516

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 14:30 - United States - Buffalo

Today, during a meeting with my boss, she explained she's giving me one more chance before she has to fire me. Her reason? I accidentally ordered chicken on a salad last week for a meeting and she feels my performance has gone down the tubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2741

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196

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By KillMeNow - 9/6/2017 09:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my visiting mother-in-law announced she plans on moving to our state and living next door. When I said that's not going to happen, she chuckled and said, "It's happening, Kate." Kate is my husband's ex-girlfriend from 8 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2013 23:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 16-year-old daughter burned all her baby photos because they were unflattering and made her "look fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By rejected - 29/1/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

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Top comments

By orangejuice12 | 0

#2877000 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:15

well punch that fucker back:p

By Sparkiee93 | 3

#2877058 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:19

You should have kicked him in the balls then told him "HAPPY STOP A RANDOM DOUCHE FROM BREEDING DAY!"

COMMENTS

By nigrice | 0

#2876989 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:15

well don't be so ugly...

jdawgg92 | 1

#2877009 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:16

punch him back!

OrderXsoL | 0

#2877037 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:18

smack the bitch! smack the bitch!

carlieee1 | 8

#2877086 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:21

1- don't be such an ass

fthislyfe | 22

#2877177 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:31

omg im so sorry for u...that was funny though, lol

Trololololololo_fml | 7

#2877321 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:50

Punch him back. Unless it's a woman, then that would be rude.

Thunderbender | 2

#2877502 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:21

I'm hoping you left out the part where you turned around and beat the shit out of him.... or at least called the cops on him.

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2879098 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:12

@59 "When I asked HIM why HE punched me"
Is it that hard to read the FML?

By athena3100 | 9

#2876993 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:15

lol im sorry.

NomOnShroomz | 14

#2877108 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:23

Are you saying you did this?

doing_it_ritee | 5

#2877143 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:28

hahahha. that's too funny..
but fyl op!

chaps93 | 6

#2877157 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:29

At least he was honest..

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2877189 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:32

This is a perfect opportunity to grow some balls and get that motherfucker right back!!

imosim | 0

#2877224 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:36

guess it wasn't a random decision :P

purplepizza21 | 0

#2877275 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:41

well, are you?

tatababe | 1

#2877293 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:46

LoL you did that!!!

Derpino | 0

#2877343 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:53

At least he didn't lie to you.

garrettsgirl | 0

#2877364 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:56

2 I love your picture!

UnderstoodCat | 0

#2877542 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:29

How is your first reaction to ask why he chose you? I would have said: "Oh, yeah...." then I would punch him back.

MeBeYourFriend | 0

#2877588 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:35

HOLY shit i got to go punch a random person!! time is Running out!

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2878611 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:46

He's spitting the truth.

chahat | 0

#2878727 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:02

aha yeeehh buddeeeh!

trinityariel | 0

#2878902 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:39

r u saying u punched him

coffeygirl12 | 14

#2879783 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:10

so did u punch him back or did u just stand there with a stupid look on ur face???? (:

ilovemyjb13 | 1

#2880093 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:59

lol really i didnt know that!!! *punchs person in the face*

ryno101 | 3

#2880124 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 6:03

man up and fight back you big gay mans blouse?

CitrusGirl | 0

#2880188 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 6:13

That's when you say, " HAHA! It's report a random person for assult day!"

chongers18 | 0

#2882247 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 14:05

what if when you turned around it was a midget dressed as a leprechaun and instead of him saying you were ugly he said ," that's what cha get for stealin me gold."

By nwill98 | 3

#2876998 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:15

some people these days

Aim4thebullseye | 4

#2877052 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:19

punch him back and then tell him "that's not what your mother said last night"

bryyxoo | 0

#2877285 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:44

I bet it was a Facebook event

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2878803 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:16

Yeah. I bet the guy who punched OP is gonna show up on his "People you may know" list the next day.

XanderScythe | 11

#4225167 - Wednesday 28 March 2012 2:31

OP, punch him and say, "HAHA! it is own a faggot day!"

JesseAttack | 21

#5659336 - Thursday 5 September 2013 2:38

Eventually we'll get robbed, ask why, and the guy'll say, "it's a rob a dude day". Yup, people these days.

By orangejuice12 | 0

#2877000 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:15

well punch that fucker back:p

CommonSenseKarma | 17

#2879009 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:56

That should have been the response as soon as the guy said "HAHA! It's punch a— OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU BROKE MY NOSE"

Dragon_Beast | 4

#2879179 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:26

I wouldn't even give him time to talk I would just tackle him and punch him in the face.

anothersuicide | 0

#2880067 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:54

well he can't punch him back now, he knows who he is..

swasticop | 0

#2880167 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 6:10

118- Thats mature

jannie22 | 0

#2880178 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 6:12

I'm 69 I'm so proud

CommonSenseKarma | 17

#2880511 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 7:12

135-That's mature.

As if I care.

enopola | 5

#2883012 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 16:39

or, shit I broke both a loser's legs day

By dirtbiker3325_fml | 0

#2877002 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:15

life blows. and you got hit by a nice blow

PrickHead | 0

#2878966 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:50

why dont you just go find something to blow on...?

EatnBeef | 7

#2879943 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:36

"my friend, you've just been kicked in the nuts" Peter: NO WAY!! " yeah your Gunna be on tv". we need more random shit days like this

By ladybunny | 0

#2877004 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:15

"I know you are, but what am I?"
Ohh good ol days.

HannahForbesxo | 13

#2877209 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:34

"Takes one to know one". Those comebacks were unbeatable.

By sickjairo | 7

#2877006 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:15

Punch him back!

chocomilk82 | 0

#2881528 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 12:00

Yeah!

By yourshootingstar | 4

#2877011 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:16

don't take that shit punch back

commietaco | 0

#2877201 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:33

or...a swift kick to the nuts! assuming the aggressor was a guy.

HannahForbesxo | 13

#2877219 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:36

Sucks to be your english teacher.

commietaco | 0

#2877240 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:38

what's your problem?

HannahForbesxo | 13

#2877250 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:39

Shit, ignore that. Posted on the wrong comment.

commietaco | 0

#2877268 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:41

lol, it's all good. I was getting upset because I couldn't find my mistake.

HannahForbesxo | 13

#2877490 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:20

It's the second time that's happened to me today! I really do need to be more careful.

revenge93_fml | 0

#2879974 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:41

how many ppl have this pic of a girl that u have up now??? I've seen it like twenty times how many of them are of u?? I'm confused ....

yourshootingstar | 4

#2880304 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 6:37

who are you referring to?

Codezlol | 21

#2880622 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 7:34

K Town for the win!!

Kevinlokz | 3

#2881281 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:10

cutee or wat ;)

Reed_111 | 5

#2881352 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:33

I know I would punch them back!

By NomOnShroomz | 14

#2877019 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:17

Are you a fifty year old Asian lady? Those are fun to punch...

By alexiiiiis09 | 0

#2877024 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:17

aw that's mean hahah. I got punched once walkin down a hallway and they were like "oops sorry wrong person" lmao