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Demarcust's favorite FMLs

Nooooooo!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 11:23 - United States

Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally two seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

agreeclassic 78 303

vote type 1 15 013

Supernatural

By rongo12 - 11/05/2012 21:41

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

agreeclassic 28 986

vote type 1 6 862

By SpLo0gIeR - 13/02/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML

agreeclassic 11 764

vote type 1 55 024

SpLo0gIeR app_comment_confession_title

SpLo0gIeR 9

Monday 13 February 2012 21:00

Funny thing is he laughed and gave me a warning :)

Poetry in politics

By blondie101 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

agreeclassic 13 994

vote type 1 100 483

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

agreeclassic 12 065

vote type 1 76 137