Miscellaneous: Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew...

By ow - 04/09/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 525

You deserved it 8 897

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Medicare for all, please

Boom, headshot

By oof - 09/07/2020 23:01

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 1 690

By Loser - 29/06/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "salmon dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 338

You deserved it 669

By Anonymous - 26/03/2012 10:53 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a man on the subway serenaded me. That's not the issue. He was cross-eyed, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 290

You deserved it 30 178

By seriously? - 25/02/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 234

You deserved it 35 390

By RBEE - 12/12/2009 18:02 - France

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 365

You deserved it 4 114

Et tu, Brute?

By missseloit3 - 09/12/2017 01:30

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 538

By Oh Cock - 10/10/2015 15:15 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, I realised just how much my favourite pornstar looks like my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 059

You deserved it 7 898

By kb - 01/02/2012 05:06 - United States

Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 054

You deserved it 2 430

By skyeraven - 16/03/2014 20:10 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, an elderly man had to give me money to pay for my grocery bill because my sister broke down crying in the store as I didn't have enough money to pay for both her milkshake and cookies. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 824

You deserved it 4 616

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 09:47 - France

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 520

You deserved it 4 245

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 20:48 - United States

Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 204

You deserved it 3 227

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 22:24 - United States - Southlake

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 354

You deserved it 2 305

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 678

Caught in the act

By darkrebel01 - 21/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out how fast my dad's reaction speed is. I was coming downstairs and sat next to my dad on the couch to show him something I did in a class. He was on an adult website and didn't notice I was coming into the room until I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 214

By StickyPickles - 17/09/2015 02:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried the 'Casual Encounter' page on Craigslist. Three hours, a bunch of spam, and a 30-minute call to some company, speaking to some lady I could barely understand to recover the $40 somehow charged to my card. I think I might want to try other ways to meet people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 364

You deserved it 9 603

By WeighYourWords - 03/05/2016 11:12 - Belgium - Overheid

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 320

You deserved it 1 906

By Bratty son - 23/10/2012 04:25 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 359

You deserved it 59 376

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 14:00

Today, I splurged thousands of dollars on the breed of dog that I've loved since I was a kid from a reputable breeder. He is allergic to all food except the 24lb food for $70 and has sensitivities galore, including a seizure from a shot. I've spent $5,000 in vet bills in the first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 3 077

By larrythelobster - 11/02/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 355

You deserved it 463

Ol' Blue Eyes

By britt93 - 26/09/2019 00:01

Today, I learned that if you sing along with an old Frank Sinatra song, the elderly who hear you will want to talk to you about things you have no idea about, for a very long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 373

By fashionVictim - 08/03/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 576

You deserved it 12 954

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 17:07

Today, my flatmate wanted to introduce me to his new friend, saying we'd, "get along great". Within the first half hour, she'd used the word "lit" eight times, and dabbed four times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 105

You deserved it 675

By fire - 15/12/2009 00:00 - United States

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 481

You deserved it 6 580

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 046

You deserved it 3 532

By married and hates - 19/12/2010 18:51 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 279

You deserved it 5 600

By Lyingg - 05/10/2011 20:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a job interview. The only moment I impressed the interviewer was when I talked about drama. He started to talk about a play I hadn't seen, but I decided to agree on everything he was saying. Suddenly he said, "the play doesn't actually exist." I silently left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 217

You deserved it 38 781

Go vegan

By Done - 24/11/2020 05:02 - Italy

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 67

By dog got ur phone - 07/05/2017 02:00

Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 938

You deserved it 716

By fmrunning - 25/03/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I completed my 6 month training program for a track competition this weekend. I went to the park to run anyways because I needed some air after my boyfriend broke up with me. After one lap, my neighbor's 130 lb dog ran across the soccer field and jumped on me to say hi. My leg is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 454

You deserved it 4 532

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 20:54 - Denmark

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 005

You deserved it 6 109

By Jon - 02/04/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 144

You deserved it 3 448

By TextLoser - 05/08/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 849

You deserved it 86 575

By Lazy - 20/09/2009 12:03 - Australia

Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 705

You deserved it 10 100

By evilsandwich - 06/03/2013 17:18 - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 918

You deserved it 2 124

By GlueAndCarrots - 20/08/2015 02:38 - Canada - Markham

Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 066

You deserved it 1 781

By Anonymous - 08/10/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, my husband pooped the bed for the second time since we've been married. We've been married a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 795

You deserved it 5 436

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 06:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He then told me that he will love me forever, wait for me and will follow me to the ends of the earth. Apparently, that means standing outside my door and calling my house phone every five minutes. It's been 3 hours straight now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 025

You deserved it 8 939

By drugbaby - 18/12/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 015

You deserved it 3 714

By Anonymous - 12/09/2010 02:31 - United States

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 941

You deserved it 6 005

PS I Love You

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 17:01 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had a group project on Zoom with some classmates I'm not so familiar with. When we were done and said our goodbyes, I said, "Bye bye, I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 294

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Top comments

89jessica 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:07

Were your eyes bugging you?

stitch_book 4

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:09

jeez ... you walked right in to that one.

89jessica 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:07

Were your eyes bugging you?

sliperrypenguin 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:11

wear goggles!

MyChemical_fml 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:20

Yep!!... Let's all wear goggles while running. :)

unidentified_sta 5

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:24

Points for style though

susieKiute 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:26

hahahahaha!!!

Sheepish 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:27

I have to admit, 1's comment made me laugh...

Jhtaylor 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:37

yeah right I don't believe it at all! I'm just saying what are the odds. I mean maybe if you had like honey on your eyes and right beside a swamp. but good story

Extacy23 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:38

Owned!!!!!!!!!

MyChemical_fml 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:45

25 - You would believe it if someone said "Today I was running through a swamp with honey in my eyes. FML."?

tooGee24 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 10:03

ismell bullshit.

TechnoTaco 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 10:20

ROFL nice one #1 xD made me laugh lol

TransitionCovery 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 11:08

"Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML" YDI.

TransitionCovery 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 11:10

FunkyAndFresh 7

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Sunday 5 September 2010 13:10

lol, 31, made me laugh.

chili10 18

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Sunday 5 September 2010 13:24

Did you win?

demarcusT 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 13:47

is the pole okay??

cOOkiEzRgOOd 22

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Sunday 5 September 2010 15:08

its fake!

bigblue95 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 16:10

my mamas slidin down the pooole. :(

bigbadtim 7

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Sunday 5 September 2010 17:19

You ran into a Polish person? JK You should always wear glasses when running.

xXBlAcKxWiDoWXx 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 18:01

i lost the game... what time is it?

sexyscooter 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 18:08

finaly a half way decent first comment

flyingsheep1838 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 19:00

hello trollers. look at your comment. now back to mine. now back to your comment. now back to mine. sadly, it isn't mine, but if you stopped randomly posting and thought before you spoke, it could look like it's mine. look down. back up. where are you? you're leaving a reply to the post your post could look like. what did you write? back at me. I have it. it's one comment on that thing you love! look again... THE COMMENT IS NOW DIAMONDS. anythings possible when you write like a champ, and not a lady. I'm on a horse.

PeppyHare 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 16:18

The goggles...they do nothing!!

trivel64 16

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Friday 1 June 2012 13:29

I LOST THE GAME D:

willou35_fml 13

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Monday 14 January 2013 0:08

haha

koreamaniac101 7

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Monday 30 December 2013 19:37

Fagit

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:07

you lose and now that I said that I lost the game.

Anaxes 5

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:20

Silence filth. That was hardly funny.

safirestar09 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:24

I suppose #2 should say sorry for having a magical brain that is capable of producing insanely funny comments every single second without trying.

_streets_ 19

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:30

damn 2, u made me lose the game :/

Mirelly13 6

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:40

hahahah this made me laugh...idk but I don't really get how you run into a pole if you're at a meet? idk?

Graawr 7

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Sunday 5 September 2010 10:32

Darn it! Now i lost too. :c

Senseless_487 29

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Sunday 5 September 2010 13:12

Dammit, now I lost the game…

Markfs 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:55

wtf

Sickasstrickflip 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 19:10

Newfags Newfags everywhere

fatraptorjesus13 9

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Monday 5 September 2011 20:42

WTF is a Newfag? and lol @. 25 classic douchebags who takes off his shirt for no reason xD

ohthebloodygore 16

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:07

YDI it for not stopping.

ohthebloodygore 16

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:10

YDI for not stopping.*

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:14

oh I feel special lol. I read your comment gore, and I was like, she spelled stopping right. it took me three times to realize it was the 'it'

MyChemical_fml 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:27

I had to read your comment to see what gore did wrong... :D. Then it took me like another 4 tries. /facepalm

ohthebloodygore 16

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:53

I'm ashamed of you both.

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:59

it's 4... in the morning.

yupitssoph 18

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Tuesday 19 June 2012 4:56

You never stop in an xc race. ESPECIALLY at the end. Number one rule in cross country.

kyliebear 15

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Wednesday 5 September 2012 18:36

Not number one rule if your blind. If at any time you fail to see, or even fail to run, you stop. Doesn't matter about "rules" in a XC race. Making sure you are okay and safe to go again is more important than winning a race.

FFML_314 11

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:08

What did you learn today?

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:12

that bugs like to fly into your eyes? stupid comment bug.

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:13

aww fuck it's you.

ruby84 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 10:16

that op is an idiot for not wearing sunglasses to stop fleas from invading op's eyes

xcrunner_725 4

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Sunday 5 September 2010 16:45

Not really, not a lot of people wear sunglasses to run in.

RoccoRox 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:08

I'm gonna guess and say.. you lost?

stitch_book 4

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:09

jeez ... you walked right in to that one.

swervelol 28

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Sunday 13 November 2016 4:30

No I think he biked right into that one

swervelol 28

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Sunday 13 November 2016 4:37

Oh god ignore me clearly I'm a fucking idiot who can't read.

xxjoseph1543xx 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:12

PWNED

xXSweetNightmare 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 15:07

No, POLED. :P

venturestar 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:24

Dang.. haha but atleast you've got heart not to stop runnin :)

Ashleexx 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 12:03

heeey (:

soymilkboy 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:29

That's so bull!!!

Anaxes 5

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:43

I can only imagine 2 people running beside each other, coming to a curve, the OP just running forward into a lamp post while the competitor follows the curve.