Miscellaneous: Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew...

By ow - 04/09/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 525

You deserved it 8 897

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

You tried

Empathy lives

By imobesejk - 17/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 137

You deserved it 2 804

By silvernights21 - 05/01/2012 23:40 - United States

Today, as I was finishing running a mile, my entire class begun to cheer me on. I felt happy since I don't have many friends. Only when I got closer did I realize that they were cheering for the girl behind me, and in fact, not one person was cheering for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 2 954

Truth

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 128

…and then everyone clapped

By boobsnbaseball - 02/07/2021 05:59

Today, my boyfriend and I got put on the Kiss cam at a baseball game. Instead of kissing me, he grabbed my boobs and got the biggest round of applause I have heard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 160

By hyper12332 - 29/04/2009 14:35 - Australia

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 991

You deserved it 31 324

STOP!

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 20:00

Today, for the second week in a row, I woke up to the sound of my awful upstairs neighbors having sex between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. Their bed is so noisy, and earplugs barely help. At this point, based on the rhythm of their bed squeaking, I can tell when they're about to finish, and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 10/07/2013 16:38 - United States - Spencer

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 399

You deserved it 8 319

By hatethatiloveyou - 10/02/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 881

You deserved it 14 736

By Sleepy - 19/03/2019 20:00

Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 656

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 027

You deserved it 39 321

By Tee - 10/11/2009 02:20 - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 983

You deserved it 5 405

Fast Cars

By Chris21 - 11/09/2019 22:04 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, a drunk driver totalled my new Audi. Who was the drunk driver? My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 020

You deserved it 6 195

By brokeass - 13/06/2012 12:29 - United States

Today, I called the landlord about the mouse I keep seeing in my kitchen. He wasted no time accusing me of keeping it as a pet, and went off on me about his "no pets" policy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 133

You deserved it 1 951

Kitchen nightmares

By Clumsy - 24/08/2021 11:01 - Brazil - Niterói

Today, I accepted I can't cook at all. Why? I burned myself cooking popcorn in a microwave oven. I accidentally burst the package open and a scorching kernel flew into my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 162

By SonOfaSpy - 18/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 993

You deserved it 2 655

Warming it up

By Erin - 02/01/2021 20:01

Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 153

By KidJwal - 28/02/2012 17:10 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a cop that the reason I was speeding was because my girlfriend was in the hospital due to a car accident. He was working the accident just ten minutes before and saw me leave behind the ambulance. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 450

You deserved it 6 933

By wrongnumber - 14/01/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 520

You deserved it 3 195

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 20:21 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 195

You deserved it 17 447

By anonymous - 25/03/2016 22:19 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 659

You deserved it 3 181

By HiRveryone - 05/03/2018 19:08 - United States - Centre

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 902

You deserved it 369

By Arden - 03/02/2019 20:00

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 1 472

By WaitingByThePhone - 09/07/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 815

You deserved it 11 415

By hairdresser - 09/03/2013 09:05 - Australia

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 504

You deserved it 4 023

By loser - 03/01/2010 12:00 - United States

Today, I handed my friend a $50. I paid her to take care of my farm on Farmville, feed my fish on Fishville, and flip my burgers on Cafe World, while I went on vacation for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 476

You deserved it 67 515

By CanStandup - 13/04/2017 22:00

Today, a very large lady was sitting down and panting as she watched me stock the bottom shelves at my store. Apparently, being able to squat down and stand back up repeatedly means I'm mocking her, and she threatened to report me to corporate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 074

You deserved it 263

By JhKhS - 14/09/2009 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 468

You deserved it 9 462

Advent calendar time!

By firemansam - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 521

You deserved it 29 683

By Username - 28/01/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 050

You deserved it 6 765

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

By Faktafem - 19/06/2019 23:55

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 02:00 - Brazil

Today, I was riding my bike down a hill and noticed a pretty girl sitting at the bus stop. I guess I was staring pretty hard, because the next thing I knew, I was swerving off the road and smashing into a tree. She laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 2 046

By mary - 09/08/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 958

You deserved it 6 836

#priceless

By Clorpy - 30/03/2018 07:00

Today, I was at the Kings Avalanche game in Denver. Anže Kopitar scored a hat trick and people threw hats in. Someone ripped my own hat off my head and tossed it on the ice. It was a gift from my dead grandparents with my name stitched onto it. I’ve had it for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 914

You deserved it 375

By luvizwar - 18/09/2009 23:27 - Australia

Today, it is my boyfriend's and my one year anniversary. I bought him a Playstation 2. As soon as I gave it to him, he went straight to set it up without giving me anything. I said "What about me?" He walked over to me, gave me a kiss and said "I love it when you buy me things for no reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 256

You deserved it 7 379

WOOF!

By Dweeb - 02/10/2019 18:00

Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 614

By you+me-clothes=53>< - 19/11/2013 17:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 963

You deserved it 9 003

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 984

You deserved it 5 741

By holycrap - 03/03/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 745

You deserved it 2 773

By Brenda Trejo - 17/01/2018 01:30

Today, my fiancé asked his 13-year-old sister what role she wanted in our upcoming wedding. Her response was "Saying I object!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 202

You deserved it 416

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Top comments

89jessica 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:07

Were your eyes bugging you?

stitch_book 4

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:09

jeez ... you walked right in to that one.

89jessica 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:07

Were your eyes bugging you?

sliperrypenguin 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:11

wear goggles!

MyChemical_fml 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:20

Yep!!... Let's all wear goggles while running. :)

unidentified_sta 5

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:24

Points for style though

susieKiute 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:26

hahahahaha!!!

Sheepish 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:27

I have to admit, 1's comment made me laugh...

Jhtaylor 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:37

yeah right I don't believe it at all! I'm just saying what are the odds. I mean maybe if you had like honey on your eyes and right beside a swamp. but good story

Extacy23 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:38

Owned!!!!!!!!!

MyChemical_fml 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:45

25 - You would believe it if someone said "Today I was running through a swamp with honey in my eyes. FML."?

tooGee24 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 10:03

ismell bullshit.

TechnoTaco 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 10:20

ROFL nice one #1 xD made me laugh lol

TransitionCovery 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 11:08

"Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML" YDI.

TransitionCovery 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 11:10

FunkyAndFresh 7

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Sunday 5 September 2010 13:10

lol, 31, made me laugh.

chili10 18

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Sunday 5 September 2010 13:24

Did you win?

demarcusT 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 13:47

is the pole okay??

cOOkiEzRgOOd 22

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Sunday 5 September 2010 15:08

its fake!

bigblue95 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 16:10

my mamas slidin down the pooole. :(

bigbadtim 7

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Sunday 5 September 2010 17:19

You ran into a Polish person? JK You should always wear glasses when running.

xXBlAcKxWiDoWXx 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 18:01

i lost the game... what time is it?

sexyscooter 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 18:08

finaly a half way decent first comment

flyingsheep1838 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 19:00

hello trollers. look at your comment. now back to mine. now back to your comment. now back to mine. sadly, it isn't mine, but if you stopped randomly posting and thought before you spoke, it could look like it's mine. look down. back up. where are you? you're leaving a reply to the post your post could look like. what did you write? back at me. I have it. it's one comment on that thing you love! look again... THE COMMENT IS NOW DIAMONDS. anythings possible when you write like a champ, and not a lady. I'm on a horse.

PeppyHare 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 16:18

The goggles...they do nothing!!

trivel64 16

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Friday 1 June 2012 13:29

I LOST THE GAME D:

willou35_fml 13

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Monday 14 January 2013 0:08

haha

koreamaniac101 7

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Monday 30 December 2013 19:37

Fagit

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:07

you lose and now that I said that I lost the game.

Anaxes 5

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:20

Silence filth. That was hardly funny.

safirestar09 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:24

I suppose #2 should say sorry for having a magical brain that is capable of producing insanely funny comments every single second without trying.

_streets_ 19

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:30

damn 2, u made me lose the game :/

Mirelly13 6

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:40

hahahah this made me laugh...idk but I don't really get how you run into a pole if you're at a meet? idk?

Graawr 7

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Sunday 5 September 2010 10:32

Darn it! Now i lost too. :c

Senseless_487 29

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Sunday 5 September 2010 13:12

Dammit, now I lost the game…

Markfs 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:55

wtf

Sickasstrickflip 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 19:10

Newfags Newfags everywhere

fatraptorjesus13 9

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Monday 5 September 2011 20:42

WTF is a Newfag? and lol @. 25 classic douchebags who takes off his shirt for no reason xD

ohthebloodygore 16

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:07

YDI it for not stopping.

ohthebloodygore 16

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:10

YDI for not stopping.*

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:14

oh I feel special lol. I read your comment gore, and I was like, she spelled stopping right. it took me three times to realize it was the 'it'

MyChemical_fml 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:27

I had to read your comment to see what gore did wrong... :D. Then it took me like another 4 tries. /facepalm

ohthebloodygore 16

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:53

I'm ashamed of you both.

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:59

it's 4... in the morning.

yupitssoph 18

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Tuesday 19 June 2012 4:56

You never stop in an xc race. ESPECIALLY at the end. Number one rule in cross country.

kyliebear 15

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Wednesday 5 September 2012 18:36

Not number one rule if your blind. If at any time you fail to see, or even fail to run, you stop. Doesn't matter about "rules" in a XC race. Making sure you are okay and safe to go again is more important than winning a race.

FFML_314 11

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:08

What did you learn today?

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:12

that bugs like to fly into your eyes? stupid comment bug.

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:13

aww fuck it's you.

ruby84 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 10:16

that op is an idiot for not wearing sunglasses to stop fleas from invading op's eyes

xcrunner_725 4

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Sunday 5 September 2010 16:45

Not really, not a lot of people wear sunglasses to run in.

RoccoRox 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:08

I'm gonna guess and say.. you lost?

stitch_book 4

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:09

jeez ... you walked right in to that one.

swervelol 28

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Sunday 13 November 2016 4:30

No I think he biked right into that one

swervelol 28

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Sunday 13 November 2016 4:37

Oh god ignore me clearly I'm a fucking idiot who can't read.

xxjoseph1543xx 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:12

PWNED

xXSweetNightmare 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 15:07

No, POLED. :P

venturestar 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:24

Dang.. haha but atleast you've got heart not to stop runnin :)

Ashleexx 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 12:03

heeey (:

soymilkboy 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:29

That's so bull!!!

Anaxes 5

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:43

I can only imagine 2 people running beside each other, coming to a curve, the OP just running forward into a lamp post while the competitor follows the curve.