Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished,...

By yerbuagalapagos wonder - 6/2/2009 21:50 - Ecuador

Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17396

You deserved it

31726

Favorite

Transportation

Instadrama

Last dates

Healthy relationship

By TeenaIs - 25/10/2019 16:00

SK8 OR DIE

Today, I asked a random guy at the skate park if he knew anyone who could sell me some weed. Turns out he was a parole officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

461

You deserved it

2738

Favorite

By LifeSucks - 17/11/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3915

You deserved it

191

Favorite

By gassy - 17/8/2018 18:30

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2792

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/12/2016 22:14

Today, my family held an intervention and told me I needed to lose weight. It probably would've had more impact if they hadn't done this over video chat while stuffing their faces at an all-you-can-eat buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9406

You deserved it

739

Favorite

By curlyisnogood - 10/1/2011 00:19

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37120

You deserved it

3728

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 22:20 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42960

You deserved it

4033

Favorite

By karmaquestionmark - 20/11/2012 02:04 - United States - Silverton

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18054

You deserved it

36719

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/11/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31420

You deserved it

2531

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 02:00

Pampered

Today, I'm 25-years-old and I need to wear an adult diaper as I have lost my bladder control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1819

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Effective

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34013

You deserved it

3446

Favorite

By mushroomless - 14/10/2015 05:40 - United States - Thayne

Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25590

You deserved it

1863

Favorite

By :-O - 14/4/2019 12:00

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1954

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/9/2015 01:33 - United States - Hayward

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29634

You deserved it

1732

Favorite

By cantstopfeelingit - 16/12/2019 05:00

Gross!

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4117

You deserved it

2409

Favorite

By troublewithbleach - 6/4/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35344

You deserved it

11710

Favorite

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36594

You deserved it

6571

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/10/2013 07:30 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37231

You deserved it

4470

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/11/2019 22:15

Cheater

Today, as I was finalizing my divorce with my soon to be ex-wife, she thought it would be a good idea to bring our two children to the divorce court. Before custody was put in place my ex-wife gave them both a piece of candy and promised them a trip to Disneyland they chose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2568

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/5/2015 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30330

You deserved it

8314

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37084

You deserved it

8698

Favorite

By TordNorski - 3/10/2015 02:44 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes in to training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23698

You deserved it

1397

Favorite

By ThatOneGuy - 28/4/2019 16:00

Today I went on a date with my long time crush only to find out that we are distant cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2384

You deserved it

198

Favorite

By racchhh - 26/7/2009 15:25 - United States

Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11820

You deserved it

88241

Favorite

By FlamedOut - 23/4/2017 22:00

Today, I discovered that my Tinder date is the roommate and best friend of a date from the previous week that went sour. He also hangs out with my former high school flame. What are the chances? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3763

You deserved it

431

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/3/2020 01:13

Pencil in the ass time

Today, I was in art class in which we were drawing mythical creatures. I spent the entire hour and a half drawing a Minotaur, which turned out extremely well. It turned out so well that the teacher thought I had traced it, and told me to start over right before the bell rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

You deserved it

Favorite

By crashednowcrushed - 26/4/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58221

You deserved it

14795

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/9/2018 13:00

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3644

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By fuck you, jack - 4/3/2014 20:44 - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46113

You deserved it

3275

Favorite

By phantomdriver - 24/3/2011 22:51 - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44744

You deserved it

3611

Favorite

By Nofreeride - 28/1/2017 18:00

Today, after arguing with my husband over who needed the car more, I thought he clearly won. As the loser, I spent the day walking everywhere. Later, I learned that he thought I'd won and left the car in our apartment parking garage for me while he took the bus to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6852

You deserved it

2028

Favorite

By Unknown - 30/6/2014 01:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44822

You deserved it

7149

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/8/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34199

You deserved it

6806

Favorite

By sheisselluv - 11/5/2014 20:30 - Germany - Gera

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48226

You deserved it

4179

Favorite

By amandapurple - 22/2/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41636

You deserved it

12334

Favorite

By Numnum - 29/11/2009 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10624

You deserved it

57203

Favorite

By me - 20/12/2011 03:53 - United States

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28089

You deserved it

2446

Favorite

By bitty - 11/1/2011 14:45 - United States

Today, some construction workers kept going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They decided it would be easier to just prop the door open for the next hour. It's 20 degrees outside, and I'm wearing a dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25226

You deserved it

6863

Favorite

By Ape - 17/12/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35880

You deserved it

8622

Favorite

By Bloody Nose - 16/4/2016 05:14 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21576

You deserved it

1962

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/4/2013 11:25 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

53555

You deserved it

6336

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FeelMuchBetter | 0

#26000 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 6:24

#1 - a cuckold is a man that has been cheated on by his wife.

By 9brggz1vboyqhb0 | 0

#455 - Saturday 7 February 2009 5:32

Sounds like me after Taco Bell night.

COMMENTS

By TC_fml | 0

#452 - Saturday 7 February 2009 4:19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

theice | 0

#978188 - Sunday 11 April 2010 23:33

win

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1049947 - Wednesday 30 June 2010 8:19

I'm guessing a massive shit!!! atta bee

Firewielder | 17

#6038454 - Friday 15 August 2014 17:28

In not sure you should be proud of that.

cacheson | 41

#6726490 - Friday 23 December 2016 9:19

#1, you should really get that checked out! Excessive flatulence can be a sign if intestinal dysfunction...

By 9brggz1vboyqhb0 | 0

#455 - Saturday 7 February 2009 5:32

Sounds like me after Taco Bell night.

By greenman_fml | 0

#469 - Saturday 7 February 2009 7:09

there's nothing better than a good man-shit. i hope you got some of it on the floor and your hands.

zac12345 | 0

#948626 - Monday 15 March 2010 5:21

op is a girl

gabobi91 | 19

#1195676 - Friday 6 August 2010 0:31

OP's a girl though...

wiggz1990 | 0

#1197837 - Friday 6 August 2010 10:12

greenman ur a fuckin moron and all ur comments are stupid and worthless just like ur pic

By FeelMuchBetter | 0

#26000 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 6:24

#1 - a cuckold is a man that has been cheated on by his wife.

By AtoZnumbersand_ | 1

#77783 - Thursday 2 April 2009 21:57

LOL

By roboticfresca | 0

#386995 - Saturday 11 July 2009 11:21

lol, fucked it is, but poop it is too

By XtommyschickX | 0

#636147 - Saturday 24 October 2009 15:04

hahahaha wow that's terrible

By Wsupduck | 0

#639126 - Monday 26 October 2009 5:50

what did u eat lol

By Trevv | 0

#783327 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 2:36

Dude you should be proud! Not many people have that type of supreme shitting ability...

By toaster468 | 0

#966449 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 0:27

well think, a fat person eats more which in turn equals MORE SHIT. lol I would be proud my little gopher (poop) stunk up the back five rows! :)