Transportation: Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished,...

By yerbuagalapagos wonder - Ecuador

Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17408

You deserved it

31742

Favorite

Transportation

Dementia or hate? You decide

Late term

Thanks, dad

By uh-oh - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34494

You deserved it

3709

Favorite

By Kelly

Suspicious Minds

Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9698

You deserved it

2391

Favorite

By thebigguy

Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5676

You deserved it

1254

Favorite

By SupermarketSally - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9170

You deserved it

578

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81915

You deserved it

7969

Favorite

By WPA2 OR DEATH - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my dad got a warning from our ISP for going well over their fair usage limit. I barely use our wifi, and I keep telling him he should password-protect our router to stop people leeching our Internet. He's blaming me anyway, and says I'm grounded until January. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27613

You deserved it

1971

Favorite

By All a hoax - 25/10/2020 20:05 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Don't know, don't care

Today, my boss still won't believe in climate change, and won't do anything to reduce our carbon footprint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

822

You deserved it

427

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32843

You deserved it

2481

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Deatsville

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42424

You deserved it

5179

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4108

You deserved it

738

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9867

You deserved it

639

Favorite

By Kat - United States

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39160

You deserved it

3314

Favorite

By Diffy - United States - Woburn

Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31232

You deserved it

2156

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was reading comments on an FML, and saw some made from my girlfriend's account. Now I know she's one of those people who say "Dump him!" even when the situation clearly doesn't warrant dumping. Looks like I might be in for a sudden breakup in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24519

You deserved it

2644

Favorite

By nocatlover - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31625

You deserved it

3374

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36237

You deserved it

4630

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28421

You deserved it

5600

Favorite

By Faithful - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51124

You deserved it

7698

Favorite

By Moon-chan - Netherlands

Today, I was cycling home. On the way, my laces got stuck in the bicycle pedals and I couldn't move the foot that got stuck. The bicycle fell over, with me attached to it. Everyone was looking at me like, "What are you doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1462

You deserved it

322

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7376

You deserved it

66258

Favorite

By Crying

It's toast

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4692

You deserved it

354

Favorite

By Minnie - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13054

You deserved it

927

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36019

You deserved it

4500

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salinas

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11942

You deserved it

21658

Favorite

By scruffy - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16000

You deserved it

37926

Favorite

By taiannalynn5

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32892

You deserved it

7730

Favorite

By FML - United States - Houston

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48675

You deserved it

3151

Favorite

By sadinmass - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35151

You deserved it

5720

Favorite

By SaMike - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53642

You deserved it

4702

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44293

You deserved it

4840

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32851

You deserved it

3611

Favorite

By Anonymous

Clean me, humanoid

Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1353

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7768

You deserved it

814

Favorite

By Anonymous

Ball Is Life

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4752

You deserved it

228

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26424

You deserved it

3106

Favorite

By I hate retail - Australia - Kensington

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25367

You deserved it

3205

Favorite

By organizse - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26568

You deserved it

2802

Favorite

By Medfail - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7628

You deserved it

13561

Favorite

By thanksmom - United States

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38786

You deserved it

2975

Favorite

By Sam - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10029

You deserved it

29449

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FeelMuchBetter | 0

#26000 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 6:24

#1 - a cuckold is a man that has been cheated on by his wife.

By 9brggz1vboyqhb0 | 0

#455 - Saturday 7 February 2009 5:32

Sounds like me after Taco Bell night.

COMMENTS

By TC_fml | 0

#452 - Saturday 7 February 2009 4:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

theice | 0

#978188 - Sunday 11 April 2010 23:33

win

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1049947 - Wednesday 30 June 2010 8:19

I'm guessing a massive shit!!! atta bee

Firewielder | 17

#6038454 - Friday 15 August 2014 17:28

In not sure you should be proud of that.

cacheson | 41

#6726490 - Friday 23 December 2016 9:19

#1, you should really get that checked out! Excessive flatulence can be a sign if intestinal dysfunction...

By 9brggz1vboyqhb0 | 0

#455 - Saturday 7 February 2009 5:32

Sounds like me after Taco Bell night.

By greenman_fml | 0

#469 - Saturday 7 February 2009 7:09

there's nothing better than a good man-shit. i hope you got some of it on the floor and your hands.

zac12345 | 0

#948626 - Monday 15 March 2010 5:21

op is a girl

gabobi91 | 19

#1195676 - Friday 6 August 2010 0:31

OP's a girl though...

wiggz1990 | 0

#1197837 - Friday 6 August 2010 10:12

greenman ur a fuckin moron and all ur comments are stupid and worthless just like ur pic

By FeelMuchBetter | 0

#26000 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 6:24

#1 - a cuckold is a man that has been cheated on by his wife.

By AtoZnumbersand_ | 1

#77783 - Thursday 2 April 2009 21:57

LOL

By roboticfresca | 0

#386995 - Saturday 11 July 2009 11:21

lol, fucked it is, but poop it is too

By XtommyschickX | 0

#636147 - Saturday 24 October 2009 15:04

hahahaha wow that's terrible

By Wsupduck | 0

#639126 - Monday 26 October 2009 5:50

what did u eat lol

By Trevv | 0

#783327 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 2:36

Dude you should be proud! Not many people have that type of supreme shitting ability...

By toaster468 | 0

#966449 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 0:27

well think, a fat person eats more which in turn equals MORE SHIT. lol I would be proud my little gopher (poop) stunk up the back five rows! :)