Miscellaneous: Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 27

26/06/2014 14:58

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 580

You deserved it 12 105

Late term

Broken heart

Empathy lives

04/03/2016 16:47

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 178

You deserved it 5 476

01/05/2013 06:40

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 327

You deserved it 7 461

09/08/2009 14:33

Spicy

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 872

You deserved it 45 773

05/07/2011 04:32

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 666

You deserved it 73 657

08/08/2009 11:49

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 845

You deserved it 64 670

13/11/2012 23:17

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 735

You deserved it 5 616

28/11/2010 23:49

Spicy

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 268

You deserved it 4 884

12/10/2015 02:02

Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 928

You deserved it 1 645

28/08/2010 23:40

Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 542

You deserved it 3 076

10/05/2009 03:38

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 610

You deserved it 5 812

04/02/2010 07:22

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 709

You deserved it 31 461

15/02/2014 23:14

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 151

You deserved it 6 272

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 03:01

Spicy

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 150

05/10/2012 08:14

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 683

You deserved it 12 894

29/07/2015 12:04

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 716

You deserved it 2 544

05/03/2009 00:29

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 372

You deserved it 4 029

03/10/2009 04:37

Today, I went to see my guidance counselor. I was supposed to hear from my college about a scholarship by October 3rd. I was worried since it was already the 2nd so I went to talk to her. She never turned in my nomination. Goodbye $80,000 scholarship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 913

You deserved it 3 125

Too clever

By DamnGurl - 12/02/2021 02:58

Today, during a programming interview, I provided the right approach and the right answer as agreed by the interviewer, but used some extra variables with proper names. Guess who is not selected for the next round due to those extra variables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 144

18/08/2010 04:30

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 3 031

28/08/2013 04:48

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 670

You deserved it 3 509

28/03/2011 11:52

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 841

You deserved it 4 257

03/03/2009 23:00

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 638

You deserved it 8 155

19/09/2016 17:29

Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 746

You deserved it 851

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 120

05/08/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 917

You deserved it 270

Shy bowels

By Dragoness11 - 27/03/2014 14:12

Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 029

You deserved it 9 615

23/12/2012 05:01

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 740

You deserved it 7 897

Stop doing this

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 22:01

Today, my sister called me at work and told me our elderly mom had passed away. I dropped everything and rushed home, to find out she was fine, and that my sister was just pranking me. When I explained this to my boss, he accused me of lying to get out of work, and I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 65

19/03/2014 12:28

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 963

You deserved it 4 278

22/10/2012 03:19

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 164

You deserved it 5 134

02/08/2014 05:35

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 697

You deserved it 4 013

21/04/2009 15:11

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 848

You deserved it 3 468

26/11/2015 07:57

Today, I managed to accidentally drop an entire cake on my laptop's keyboard. There's so much frosting stuck under the keys, I have no idea how I'm going to clean it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 662

You deserved it 7 401

15/06/2012 09:43

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 749

You deserved it 51 615

Gross

By maddie - 15/05/2020 05:00

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 119

21/03/2013 05:59

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 763

You deserved it 5 279

09/12/2016 19:14

Today, I passed out on the way to work. Some lucky passerby took this as an opportunity to help themself to my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 989

You deserved it 767

28/07/2016 16:02

Spicy

Today, I ran into an old couple everyone has been avoiding in my small town. Four weeks ago, they accidentally posted a picture of their pierced junk on Facebook, and I was one of the unlucky people who saw the actual picture. I can't make eye contact with them anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 198

You deserved it 1 777

I'm not lovin' it

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 14:02

Today, at my new job at McDonald’s, they only had uniform pants in a size 36 or 56, nothing in between. I’m a size 40 so I squeezed into the 36. When I told my supervisor I couldn’t tuck my shirt into the pants like they asked, because I couldn’t close the top button, she told me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 163

17/04/2016 11:52

Today, my mom finally noticed the joke file I have on my PC desktop called "bigcocklovespussy.jpg". It's just a cute picture of a chicken snuggling with a cat. She didn't actually open the file and just deleted it. She won't believe my explanation and grounded me for a month for "looking at porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 415

You deserved it 7 622

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:19

hey some people just aren't that good at bowling. I'm terrible at it and always get last anytime I play with my bf and his family. that's embarrassing lol

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:21

blame it on the guardrails? unless she had none... then you fail

Comments

bosniangirl27 21

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:18

Lol

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:19

hey some people just aren't that good at bowling. I'm terrible at it and always get last anytime I play with my bf and his family. that's embarrassing lol

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Friday 27 June 2014 0:13

When I bowl, my thumb gets stuck.

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Friday 27 June 2014 0:28

your comment is completely normal but add a picture like that and it sound so mental haha

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Friday 27 June 2014 5:21

Plot twist: op's girlfriend is also 3 years old

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Friday 27 June 2014 7:40

#44, ahhh...no. Just no.

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Friday 27 June 2014 9:10

#44 - day 32. The subject is showing tendencies for pedophilia. I am going to wait couple more days before taking him down town. How's that for a plot twist?

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Wednesday 29 April 2015 19:46

Alright. I'm just gonna say it: "Niko it your cousin! Let's go bowling!"

superrocket19 17

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:19

Bowling is one of the hardest sports. Beginners luck... :)

xNotCreative 13

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Friday 27 June 2014 3:29

I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are.

SystemofaBlink41 27

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Friday 27 June 2014 4:39

Seriously, I have more precision playing basketball. And that's saying something.

piff7 14

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Saturday 28 June 2014 5:55

#38, try bowling a game over 200 and not leaving an open a single frame. Which since you seem ignorant enough to not know what an open is it means that you didn't get a strike or a spare

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Saturday 26 December 2015 5:22

Physically, no. Mentally, definitely. I'm on my schools bowling team and it takes a LOT of focus.

ositoakaluis 16

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:19

kids can be talented too Op

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:19

Hate to be a grammar nazi but I think you mean points not point.

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:21

I'm pretty sure OP didn't write it in singular form on purpose.

Foto_1 12

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:27

"Many point" is incorrect. Even if OP is trying to imply he only got one point, many means "a large number of" so you'll always be using plural for a word following it.

rocker_chick105 31

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Friday 27 June 2014 3:09

Not only is OP's grammar fine, but you are a threadjacker as well. Congrats!

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:21

blame it on the guardrails? unless she had none... then you fail

JJ_86 22

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Friday 27 June 2014 1:17

Or it could be that the kid just got lucky. My best score in bowling is still the one I got the very first time I rolled.

blackbeltballet 4

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:23

Lmao..her brother In law? That means she's married. Sorry son

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Friday 27 June 2014 0:03

#8, His girlfriends sister is married. So the girlfriend has a brother-in-law, not a husband.

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Friday 27 June 2014 0:35

Clearly you're not the brightest. How on earth did you get that the girlfriend is married from "brother-in-law"? The name itself implies that he's married to a sibbling of hers..

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Friday 27 June 2014 1:54

facepalm

SmoothPancakes 10

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Friday 27 June 2014 3:00

You just went full retard. You should never go full retard.

sirpantselot 22

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Friday 4 July 2014 5:29

Fuck! Just upvoted by accident. Undo! Undo!

tylerspraypaints 5

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Friday 4 July 2014 8:09

Her brother in law as in their sisters husband You're dumb..sorry son

ihpp 22

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:23

don't feel bad OP. I once bowled a 10. you're not alone.

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:24

she may have a talent for it... who knows?

kingkevin2001 9

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Thursday 26 June 2014 23:24

Better luck next time! I hope you pin point where your mistakes were.