Love and Health: First dates

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 416

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 998

By Anonymous - 25/05/2019 20:03

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 345

You deserved it 408

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 703

You deserved it 9 540

By drpepperking10 - 02/07/2016 23:27 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 376

You deserved it 3 267

By Jarryd - 10/02/2012 05:40 - Australia

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 580

You deserved it 7 512

By slayerdeath - 20/05/2012 05:19 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 2 550

By Anonymous - 17/08/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 610

You deserved it 4 904

By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 438

You deserved it 3 058

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 159

By ouch - 16/06/2016 10:14 - United States - Livonia

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 391

You deserved it 2 021

RichardPencil 30

Monday 20 January 2020 5:56

Women love it when you can make them laugh! I'm sure one who laughs at your pain and blood loss will make an excellent mother for your children.

JackWood 20

Monday 20 January 2020 11:31

Who are you dating? Harley Quinn?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 20 January 2020 5:56

Women love it when you can make them laugh! I'm sure one who laughs at your pain and blood loss will make an excellent mother for your children.

JackWood 20

Monday 20 January 2020 11:31

Who are you dating? Harley Quinn?

123Puppy 33

Monday 20 January 2020 13:49

I hope she’s your ex-girlfriend now...

John_Cards 2

Monday 20 January 2020 20:32

Time to go back on the market

spinspinsugar 12

Monday 20 January 2020 23:57

maybe she didn't know what to do so she laughed out of nervousness?

Stephencharis 14

Tuesday 21 January 2020 8:15

how do you laugh at so much blood? jeeezzz

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The Top

Today, during my run through a nature preserve, I rounded the corner to a pair of legs sticking out on the trail. My first thought was that someone was hurt, but as I got closer I realized it was one guy blowing another on the side of the trail. I had to jump over his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 696

You deserved it 474

Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 183

The Top

Today, I took the train to work. There was an older man standing behind me. Everytime I tried to edge away from him, he edged closer. Everytime the train rocked even slightly, his crotch made contact with my behind. It was an extremely bumpy train ride. I could also tell when he became hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 307

You deserved it 3 052

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 550

You deserved it 410

Today, I gave myself paper cuts on the sides of my mouth while licking the cover of a pudding cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 172

You deserved it 14 711

Today, at school, I have to do a 45 minute presentation with a girl who has panic attacks so bad that she cries, runs out of the room, and sometimes passes out. This presentation terrifies her and it's a major part of my final grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 648

You deserved it 2 531

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 183

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 626

You deserved it 39 827

First dates

Same thing different taste

Klutz

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