Intimacy: Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long... - FML

By Imdeadlmaokillme - United Kingdom - Twickenham

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11736

You deserved it

22550

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Serious times

Season finale

By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36737

You deserved it

4076

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 19:57 - Canada - Ottawa

Bullshit reason #874

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because, she says, I have diabetes and she can’t handle the complications that may occur in the future. This after I arranged for her to take trip to Italy to ride horses, which has been on her bucket list for like 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1095

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By jackmehoffa - United States - Green Bay

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31542

You deserved it

5818

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36523

You deserved it

4113

Tweet

Share

By bruh_im18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12930

You deserved it

2546

Tweet

Share

By whateven - United States - Allentown

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52418

You deserved it

2803

Tweet

Share

By ifpigsflew - New Zealand

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29093

You deserved it

2761

Tweet

Share

By Holls - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27767

You deserved it

14110

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4042

You deserved it

458

Tweet

Share

By Gennifer - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35147

You deserved it

2608

Tweet

Share

By Loser - Canada

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14400

You deserved it

73949

Tweet

Share

By really?!? - United States - Wendell

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart and it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34724

You deserved it

4381

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47230

You deserved it

3278

Tweet

Share

By mommy - United States - North Andover

The great replacement

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks

56107

You deserved it

5320

Tweet

Share

By superjesse006 - United States

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42867

You deserved it

2489

Tweet

Share

By athlete47

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I was "changing too much." My big change was a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1574

You deserved it

122

Tweet

Share

By Sam - United States

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53657

You deserved it

4275

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48610

You deserved it

8535

Tweet

Share

By XxMe123xx - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39375

You deserved it

10896

Tweet

Share

By hahatofunny - United States - Pensacola

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11913

You deserved it

2048

Tweet

Share

By Shelby

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1571

You deserved it

203

Tweet

Share

By fml - United States

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9814

You deserved it

40773

Tweet

Share

By happyasaclam - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38942

You deserved it

5998

Tweet

Share

By ummno - United States

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42393

You deserved it

13506

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26026

You deserved it

1819

Tweet

Share

By workerbee - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7143

You deserved it

22393

Tweet

Share

By beanpole - Canada - Canning

Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7058

You deserved it

1127

Tweet

Share

By Kim422 - United States

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34888

You deserved it

4579

Tweet

Share

By DudeManBro69 - United States

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60942

You deserved it

3546

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

I'm right here

Today, after applying for a promotion to a position which I've been working my ass off for two years to get, my managers thought it would be appropriate to discuss other applicants in front of me, even asking me to compare my resume with theirs to see the "caliber" of what I'm up against. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22667

You deserved it

2174

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I went to a trampoline park and jumped into an adult-area foam pit that apparently used to be for children. I guess it never occurred to them to change the depth of it, as I now have a fractured ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11093

You deserved it

1343

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He said he would have done it two weeks ago but he needed someone to drive him around while his car was getting repaired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47184

You deserved it

4416

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I decided to face one of my fears. I've never had a birthday party, out of fear that nobody would come. I sent out a mass text inviting people out for my birthday, trying to sound casual. The only replies I received were along the lines of "Who the hell's this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43540

You deserved it

4669

Tweet

Share

By Anon_a_mouse - Reserved

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40231

You deserved it

3670

Tweet

Share

By Artist man - 8/1/2021 07:02 - United Kingdom

Live through this

Today, my girlfriend walked out on me because she realised she doesn’t love me enough to go through a second lockdown with me and our 2-year-old daughter FML

I agree, your life sucks

1047

You deserved it

85

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63560

You deserved it

15860

Tweet

Share

By asadwa

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43614

You deserved it

5080

Tweet

Share

By thyisnothorses - United States - Scituate

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32130

You deserved it

3067

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33718

You deserved it

3051

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22345

You deserved it

2161

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6565500 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:38

All that matters is that you love them long time.

By Bonngoo | 34

#6565502 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:40

"If you believe in yourself you can achieve anything" - Johnny Karate

COMMENTS

By Harri20n | 9

#6565498 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:35

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6566107 - Thursday 24 March 2016 4:32

I don't think OP will lose their friends over it. They probably have learned to Google a phrase before they go around saying it to everyone, though.

By SoloAutotunE | 17

#6565499 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:38

Never too late to start a new profession

By Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6565500 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:38

All that matters is that you love them long time.

By Eleora | 19

#6565501 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:39

Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss... lol

By Bonngoo | 34

#6565502 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:40

"If you believe in yourself you can achieve anything" - Johnny Karate

Reply

yahtzeesouls | 12

#6565515 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:52

Hehehe. Nicely done #5

Reply

unsealingkale | 18

#6565528 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 16:06

You're basically my idol

By nzhx | 23

#6565503 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:40

Well if no one said anything to you about it, I doubt they know - so you're good. But definitely make sure you know what you're saying next time you decide to pick up a new phrase or word

Reply

Dale_shackleford | 13

#6565510 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:46

It's full metal jacket. They probably knew and thought it was funny so didn't say anything.

By Steve97 | 32

#6565504 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:40

You need to watch more movies OP

By TheRussianNavy | 11

#6565505 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:41

You should know the meaning of the phrase before using it in public or with your family. With that said YDI. Just know for the future, see if there is any other meaning for the phrase (or even word), this avoids embarrassment.

By Laphog | 17

#6565508 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:44

We were all 12 once . Actually , I still say that phrase now. Like a fine wine , it gets better with age.

By InfiniteSunshine | 32

#6565511 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:47

That's sucks and is pretty embarrassing, but I can't help but think you deserve this for using the phrase without knowing, or at least looking up, where it actually came from. Using something without knowing its origin can get you in trouble sometimes.