Work: Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking.... - FML

06/09/2013 21:23 - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 869

You deserved it 47 091

BO Central

Creepy idea, dude

Thanks for the support

22/12/2009 10:08 - United States

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 760

You deserved it 4 806

25/02/2013 16:14 - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 609

You deserved it 3 870

17/07/2013 20:27 - United States - Wales

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 038

You deserved it 24 177

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 120

01/05/2009 17:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 695

You deserved it 15 617

12/04/2018 01:30

Today, I dropped my car off at the dealership for a bumper replacement due to a hit and run in a parking lot. After being told it was ready, their shuttle picked me up, and backed up into my just-replaced bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 492

You deserved it 214

03/06/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 665

You deserved it 2 843

31/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 309

You deserved it 14 619

25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 196

You deserved it 1 645

15/02/2011 15:30

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 450

You deserved it 43 453

23/02/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 6 220

20/04/2012 07:34 - United States - Somerville

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 345

You deserved it 10 407

24/11/2013 05:30 - Canada - Calgary

Spicy

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 094

You deserved it 4 853

21/05/2013 06:31 - United States - Kokomo

Today, at work, my boss made me go outside and wash people's cars for free. I work at Verizon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 622

You deserved it 4 431

11/08/2013 15:35 - United States - Broomall

Spicy

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 082

You deserved it 24 720

13/08/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 070

You deserved it 6 126

17/12/2009 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 057

You deserved it 37 166

21/10/2014 15:42 - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 126

You deserved it 3 671

12/11/2009 06:58 - Canada

Today, I started talking to a friend about how he needs to stop overreacting and getting angry very easily. He kicked sand up in the air, and it came back into his eyes. He started getting angry, and when I told him this is what I was talking about, he hit me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 7 518

02/12/2013 01:57 - United States - Millerton

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 489

You deserved it 4 611

28/06/2013 23:22 - Ireland - Caher

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 912

You deserved it 4 851

Double trouble

By idiot - 28/06/2020 08:07

Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 1 557

19/11/2011 19:08 - United States

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 097

You deserved it 6 436

Miscommunication

By xoxo - 01/04/2020 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 380

Contact tracing

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 227

17/02/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 718

You deserved it 382

24/06/2012 13:57 - United States

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 960

You deserved it 2 238

03/05/2012 04:39 - Canada

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 712

You deserved it 3 799

05/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 701

You deserved it 5 404

07/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 833

You deserved it 187

25/07/2011 02:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 386

You deserved it 3 942

10/11/2010 10:28 - Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 465

You deserved it 19 610

10/10/2010 09:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 891

You deserved it 27 123

23/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 184

You deserved it 65 218

01/10/2011 22:45 - United States

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 171

You deserved it 4 709

15/07/2015 18:06 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 811

You deserved it 2 627

11/03/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 313

You deserved it 5 666

25/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 671

You deserved it 4 248

24/01/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 181

You deserved it 3 090

23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 304

You deserved it 6 773

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:03

He was probably just afraid that you would start randomly twerking against walls... and doors... and windows... and water coolers... and people in the office. It can be a bit distracting.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:05

That's when you should have said "I thought you said weekend working."

Comments

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:03

He was probably just afraid that you would start randomly twerking against walls... and doors... and windows... and water coolers... and people in the office. It can be a bit distracting.

michaelaranda 28

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:29

How do you twerk on people. Do you just mean grind? OP, what kinds of jobs are you applying to?

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:31

Still better then Miley's ass. Also, WHY THE HELL WOULD OP SAY SHE LIKES TWERKING? I AM PRETTY SURE MILEY CYRUS RUINED IT WITH HER CHICKEN ASS.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:04

nobody likes twerking.....

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:20

I'm sorry, but I beg to differ. It depends on who is doing the twerking and if it works for them. I would think that most men would enjoy it if their spouse/partner did that for them. (I know it, I don't think it). P.S. I am against Cyrus' version of twerking and "sexy." It was disgusting.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:24

"I would think [...] I don't think it". Yeah...

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:32

Yeah, twerking isn't okay at all. Just, no.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 7:52

Correction: Nobody likes twerkinf. Except for Miley Cyrus.

MagicStallion 9

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Saturday 7 September 2013 11:06

Yes, yes, twerking sucks, we know. But for someone to be denied a job opportunity because of their preference towards it? OP is right, that's not professional at all.

Melix 31

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Saturday 7 September 2013 15:03

Except for Miley Cyrus

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Saturday 7 September 2013 20:38

My fiancé thinks twerking is in attractive and told me never to do it for him. So you don't "know" that all men like it.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 21:33

People have been doing it for a long time an no one has been complaining. Then Miley makes an "attempt" (lets just call it that for now) at it and its the most hated thing on earth. But pretty soon that will die down and people will find another thing to hate on. It's not right that op lost an opportunity because the Boss is trying to stay in the now.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 23:44

Correction: no one likes twerking if you look like Miley while doing it. Twerking is really just another form of dance. A stupid one but a dance all the same.

nature_girl_08 14

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Monday 9 September 2013 6:52

Okay. At the risk of being thumbed down, and because I'm, frankly, too afraid to do a search on it with what I might find, could someone please tell me what exactly twerking is? I've only heard about this recently because I'm a bit of a hermit when it comes to the internet.

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Tuesday 24 September 2013 19:34

the number of upvotes on my comment overrules the number on yours. Twerking is fine as long as it is done with your partner and not by Cyrus

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Thursday 16 April 2015 20:13

No I'm pretty sure it is hated no matter who does it.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:05

That's when you should have said "I thought you said weekend working."

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Saturday 7 September 2013 16:48

What's twerking?

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Saturday 7 September 2013 18:23

shhh you dont want to know

kagrahamcracka 9

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Saturday 7 September 2013 20:47

75 - you have an Internet connection and you don't know what twerking is?

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Saturday 7 September 2013 21:03

That's actually a really good fallback plan, but it's too bad the chances of an interviewer asking that is really low.

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:41

GENIUS!

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:09

Not if you are job searching at strip clubs.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:09

This is why it's important to be honest...

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Saturday 7 September 2013 7:36

Unless you're Miley Cyrus in which case just stop...stop with everything

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Saturday 7 September 2013 12:30

44: But she cant stop. And she wont stop.

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Sunday 8 September 2013 4:56

63: Because she can't be tamed.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:09

I hate those irrelevant 'gotcha' questions... It's almost like they don't actually want to hire someone with how many of those they plant in there, depending on where you're applying.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:10

your response should've been "I can do better than Miley, wanna see?"

graceinsheepwear 33

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:11

YDI for not recognizing a trick question. You should have said something like sorry? I'm not sure what you're asking...

NotoriousLES 14

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Sunday 8 September 2013 19:26

Im with you there. Pretending not to know the meaning of the word wouldn't have been a bad idea. Much better than pretending to like something that by any imagination would not be job appropriate.

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:12

Well, now you know what NOT to say next time

ClaireWinchester 17

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Saturday 7 September 2013 5:12

Oops. Wrong answer. Maybe try honesty?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 29

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 457