Miscellaneous: Today, while eating at my college cafeteria, I started thinking... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, while eating at my college cafeteria, I started thinking about all the awful crap going on in my life right now, and I started sobbing. Some guy at another table started snickering at me, at which point the guy I like said, "Give her a break. If I was as fuck-ugly as her, I'd be crying too." FML

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Understandable

Bad news

Boom, headshot

By Username - United States

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

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By embarassinggg - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to "stop sticking your butt out". My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

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By fedupson - United States - Milpitas

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Good job!

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

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By Debbie3247 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I taught a high school class on public speaking. When I explained how important it was for a presentation to be polished and professional, one kid asked, "Is it professional for your skirt to be tucked into your underwear? I didn't know they made My Little Pony panties for adults." FML

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By ellesworth

Today, while sharing my screen with our tech guy at work, I forgot he was there and opened Facetime to pick a zit on my chin. After going in for the squeeze, I horrifyingly remembered he could see everything and quickly closed it. After a few seconds, he said, "Did you get it?" FML

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By anonymous - United States - Woburn

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

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By speechless - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

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By Chef stupid - United States - Houston

Today, while working at a fine-dining restaurant, I was dicing veggies. I was paying such close attention to make sure the veggies were all the same size, that I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

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By foxyreegan - United States

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

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By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Break time

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 13:32 - India - Vijayawada

Dreams Never End

Today, I finally convinced my mother to allow me pursue my dream job after months of begging. I logged in to the college's website to register for the course and found that the final seat had been filled in today and I need to wait one more year for admission. FML

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By kat124ever - United States - Apo

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

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By Albert - United States

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

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By ouchers - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

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By kaitlin - Australia

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

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By theunluckylifeofme - United States - Gilroy

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

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By ouchiee - United States

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

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By Nick - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

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By fucked - Canada

Devil's wages

Today, my boss - AKA Satan - told me I'd better watch out, because I'm now top on his list of people to lay off next time the company downsizes. All I did was give a report to the board admitting that our sales are down this year. He blames me for making him look bad. FML

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By Carrie - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

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By canucks_chick - Canada

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

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By feelin a lil left out - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out what it means to be the only single person in my group of friends. They had a New Year's party and didn't invite me because they didn't want me to "feel alone". FML

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By iFail - United States

Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in our house had already opened theirs, and had all gone to bed. FML

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By GrannyAt22 - Canada

Today, I had to buy a wrist brace for a repetitive strain injury. I got the injury because I was knitting too much. I'm 22. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

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By Domo731 - United States - Johnson City

Kinky.

Today, I drank from a soda can that was on my floor. Unfortunately, it was my boyfriend’s pee. He was too lazy to go to the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

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By single - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend got paid by the richest guy in our school to go to the Winter Formal with him. She took up the offer. FML

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By jenabp - United States

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

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By FMeRight? - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

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By BEE - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

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By Why? - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

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Top comments

By XxDanno316xX | 27

#6409996 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:10

I hope whatever was on your plate ended up in his face.

By LifelessStars | 22

#6409995 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:10

They're just another waste of oxygen. Keep your head up.

COMMENTS

By LifelessStars | 22

#6409995 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:10

They're just another waste of oxygen. Keep your head up.

Reply

friedpwnadge | 25

#6410086 - Monday 14 September 2015 1:31

That's when you get up and royally kick their ass.

By XxDanno316xX | 27

#6409996 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:10

I hope whatever was on your plate ended up in his face.

Reply

brenton490 | 19

#6410103 - Monday 14 September 2015 1:58

Or just let them know that you're crying because your eyes hurt from glancing at them.

Reply

FitFriday | 32

#6411118 - Tuesday 15 September 2015 8:44

Or go up to them and say at least my personality isn't as fuck-ugly as yours

By lvg_fml | 10

#6409997 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:10

Both assholes. Sorry you have a lot of stuff going on that's making you cry look for somebody better though who can support you through those times

By jqmalang | 17

#6410009 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:15

Woah, you better have stopped liking that guy on spot after what he said. That's just cold. Sorry OP.

By OysterPearls | 33

#6410010 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:15

People who feel the need to put down others to make themselves look better are the ugliest people of all, OP. I hope things get better for you soon.

Reply

heirofhope | 38

#6410049 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:42

I agree. They're disgusting. I can't ever imagine laughing at somebody who is crying, it just doesn't feel right, and there's nothing funny about it.

Reply

hastisc | 2

#6410367 - Monday 14 September 2015 8:59

It depends on the circumstances, i.e. if they killed your family and you cut off their dick and they're crying from pain, feel free to laugh; if you're laughing at some random person crying in the cafeteria, than you deserve nothing more than hell

By PandaSmile | 24

#6410016 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:16

Talk to someone at uni OP. The student support teams can be really helpful if you are feeling stressed out! It gets better, keep going :)

By megansheeran | 21

#6410017 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:17

Anyone who treats you like that is not worth having feelings for. Don't let them get you down, OP. I'm sure you're beautiful inside and out.

By cooltatgar | 30

#6410019 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:17

I guess you don't like him anymore now.

By Aquila_Umbrae | 26

#6410034 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:27

Assholes will be assholes

By mads_fml | 7

#6410040 - Monday 14 September 2015 0:34

Who the hell is that mean and immature in college? Don't mind them, OP! In the meantime is there counseling you can go to help with the crap going on?

Reply

NightOwI | 9

#7467935 - Friday 9 June 2017 22:32

Sadly, some people never grow up...