Miscellaneous: Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was...

By Grandson - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

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37771

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Better out than in

Genius, definitely

By gayvsgay - Germany - V?lklingen

Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML

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23728

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By Finesse7791 - United States

Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

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44802

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By dumped - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

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68429

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By carboncoach - Egypt

Today, it's my birthday. The only "happy birthday"s I got were from my mom, her Facebook account, and the Facebook account she made for her cat. FML

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44708

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By Lexiebear27 - United States

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

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29908

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By Ellwood - United States

Today, my mother met my sister's boyfriend for the first time. As we talked about it later over dinner she said she didn't like him. When I asked why, she paused for a second and said, "Well, he really reminds me of you." FML

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42983

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 11:02 - United States - White Plains

AKA taking a screenshot

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1017

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

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10369

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By Tylerdirdin84

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

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2005

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135

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By Estranged Fiance - United States

Today, my fiance got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

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By baldspot - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

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64350

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By Tallulah - United Kingdom

Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML

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36339

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By cacheson - 5/3/2020 03:02

Trip Advisor rating: 5 turds

Today, I checked into a hotel for a work trip. When I walked in, the sheets and bath mat were stained, and there was soap-encrusted hair stuck in my folded towel. When I got back later in the day, all my stuff was gone because they apparently thought I'd checked out. FML

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1624

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By sparkynobe - Australia - Melbourne

Today, a co-worker asked me what meat we use for the drumsticks. We work in a chicken factory. This co-worker also thought that spreading out the chicken wings more evenly in the tray would increase the overall weight of the product. FML

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3872

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Father, you mean father

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

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1022

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By babysitter - United States

Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML

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39141

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By rolled

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

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4167

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477

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By Yoda - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

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41868

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By iris - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

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By bald baby

Today, despite my protests and warnings, my mother-in-law decided to chemically straighten my bi-racial daughter’s very curly hair. Hours later, not only is her scalp is raw and red, her hair is stringy completely fried and coming out in huge noticeable clumps. Fml

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3873

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By mojolady

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

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31456

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By LLP - 15/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Freudian slip

Today, I found out there's nothing like getting dumped and then receiving an inadvertent Snapchat sext from your ex-girlfriend that was intended for her new boyfriend, on what would have been your anniversary. FML

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1387

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By uglychick - Canada

Today, my brother came out of the shower and sat with my mom and me on the couch. He then says he liked the idea of the extra toothbrush in the shower, it helps him clean between his toes. I have been using that to brush my teeth for the last two weeks. FML

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By Safe - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

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87324

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By Jackie - United States

Today, I finally told my fiancé about the crippling sexual abuse I suffered through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someone who isn't "pure". FML

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By Sucks2beme

Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML

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4094

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By holywowz

Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML

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5058

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2020 17:00

Fairytale ending

Today, as something cute to do, me and my boyfriend dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML

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1655

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By creimers - 1/7/2020 23:01

Tis the season

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

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1554

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By wallbanger - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

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27382

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By spleg - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that the painful eczema I get every winter was actually being caused by the moisturising cream I use to treat it. FML

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30312

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By sealpop09 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

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37905

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By Thefaller

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

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1358

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By jo1429 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

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26428

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

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7099

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

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By Uneducated

Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML

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Top comments

By jemmers | 13

#3815909 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Go grandma! At least she had fun.

By kjcamaro3 | 5

#3815913 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Come on granny....roll those hooters back up!

COMMENTS

By Feedmyaddiction5 | 14

#3815903 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:02

Graphic. That sucks.

BarDownDaily | 12

#3815935 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:05

Pics or it didn't happen.

gamercanadian | 11

#3815957 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:07

I got pulled over for no reason, I ask y u pull me over cop goes just in case !!! Da hell right

isitinmybedroom | 11

#3815999 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:15

Do you like cheese?

kyarush | 10

#3816001 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:15

Making the best of her years. This is a problem?

DontModMeDammit | 10

#3816055 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:29

At least she wasn't run over by a reindeer.

pyromania21 | 0

#3816071 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:34

hey could be a hot granny to wanna show off like that or could be a fat saggy wrinkly leathery skinned old broad with a lil too much booze in her

SecretMe00 | 5

#3816142 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:51

Sounds like granny had a more exciting new year than I did. Very eventful.

bitchesbecrazy2 | 4

#3816236 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:14

Are they sure it just wasn't Jeff Tremaine in a suit?

bitchesbecrazy2 | 4

#3816239 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:14

Are they sure it just wasn't Jeff Tremaine in a suit?

FarSide | 22

#3816254 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:19

ANY exposure by Grandma is indecent.

periwinkle95 | 10

#3816446 - Sunday 1 January 2012 21:19

Score 1 for Granny.

ShroomsOnAcid | 16

#3816540 - Sunday 1 January 2012 21:52

I bet there's at least one grandma reading these comments, crying. :(

Zeppelin1969 | 5

#3817501 - Monday 2 January 2012 1:49

Thank you, OP, for an image of my own grandmother that will never come out of my head...

AssTard | 15

#3819154 - Monday 2 January 2012 7:42

And a grandpa too, thinking "No more nude grannies"? :(

hbbs93 | 6

#3823825 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 9:49

Am I the only one that thought if the grandma on Raising Hope after reading this FML?

ilyWoods | 5

#3828378 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 8:56

This is hilarious! She is human, doesn't really matter how old you get, still have to live a little :)
WTG Granny!

By jemmers | 13

#3815909 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Go grandma! At least she had fun.

mango260 | 9

#3816069 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:33

Jail isn't fun, poor grandma :(

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3816288 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:27

Poor grandma? I heard as soon as she got there, she immediately destroyed to biggest inmate.

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3816510 - Sunday 1 January 2012 21:40

*the.

Teehee2 | 0

#3816892 - Monday 2 January 2012 0:27

bake them cookies Lucille!!

michaelscott23 | 7

#3819693 - Monday 2 January 2012 9:42

33 is right. Jail isn't fun. Gramma might get ass raped there. Ass rape=no fun

By B0NER | 2

#3815911 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Run away granny

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3816291 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:27

Grannies gone wild: new years edition.

floresmarquezhah | 0

#3816780 - Sunday 1 January 2012 23:35

3: nice name.

manlikebanana | 0

#3818130 - Monday 2 January 2012 5:11

^^ roflmfao... I would buy that

By kjcamaro3 | 5

#3815913 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Come on granny....roll those hooters back up!

ZDK5498 | 6

#3816824 - Sunday 1 January 2012 23:54

grandma is the alpha-hooter.

monkeysareyummy | 0

#3818444 - Monday 2 January 2012 7:11

I've seen worse.. Don't ask.

By moop256 | 10

#3815916 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

She's just getting senile

By ICATiger | 13

#3815919 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:04

Nanny Mcfanny??

alicebrowniie | 1

#3816783 - Sunday 1 January 2012 23:36

lol mate

By joshuaUNWRITTEN | 0

#3815930 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:05

Some Grandmas are just Amazing!!

By AnthonyN | 5

#3815942 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Y.O.L.O.

MikeDa1Da | 14

#3815978 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:12

Shut the fuck up.

chels1994 | 11

#3816019 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:20

In all honesty, I don't even know what this means...am I the only one?

ICATiger | 13

#3816085 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:39

What does that mean?

flockz | 19

#3816115 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:45

yapping ovary licking ostriches

ICATiger | 13

#3816179 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:01

Yapping.ovary.licking.oreos

flockz | 19

#3816213 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:07

or Yearning Olive Liver Oil.

ICATiger | 13

#3816261 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:20

Damn it flockz i'll never be as smart as you......... but i still love oreos :)

oakland43 | 6

#3816335 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:42

You Only Live Once

ShroomsOnAcid | 16

#3816491 - Sunday 1 January 2012 21:35

Yucky Opium Laced Oysters

By chels1994 | 11

#3815943 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Well she had a good new year...

By crazyquestions | 4

#3815947 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Awww that sucks...Grandma got away again...