Miscellaneous: Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was...

By Grandson - 01/01/2012 13:51 - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 798

You deserved it 2 733

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Hiding from the drama

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 047

You deserved it 4 673

By Sad Student - 03/02/2014 03:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 575

You deserved it 16 013

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 07:31 - Canada

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 773

You deserved it 7 288

By scottyboy - 01/10/2016 07:58

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 529

You deserved it 1 644

By Anonymous - 07/10/2013 15:03 - United States - Houston

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 425

You deserved it 3 679

By oldandmarriedapparently - 02/03/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in a while. When he came over we realized that we had not only gotten the same haircut, but we were also wearing the same sweater. We are a matching old couple at 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 492

You deserved it 25 747

By shampoogirl - 26/08/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, I finally landed a new job, and thinking he would be proud, I told my boyfriend. Instead of congratulating me, he got mad that my work hours include Saturday, his laundry day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 020

You deserved it 4 227

How Soon is Now?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 12:59 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, I realized that my boyfriend‘s birthday was two weeks ago, so I immediately sent him a message as if it was today. He didn’t believe my excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 1 697

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 366

You deserved it 4 913

Record breakers

By DamnDominoes - 10/06/2009 11:39 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 892

You deserved it 31 941

By FallCameEarly - 27/02/2014 06:21 - United States - Alhambra

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 063

You deserved it 3 855

By Sue Ellen - 21/04/2014 15:43 - United States - Providence

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 259

You deserved it 15 277

By LifeLikeLemons - 14/11/2016 23:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 414

You deserved it 2 454

By no life to fuck :/ - 30/08/2013 23:37 - United States - Berkeley

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 644

You deserved it 6 895

By Anonymous - 18/09/2013 14:57 - United States

Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 601

You deserved it 3 213

By ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass - 25/05/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 007

You deserved it 5 492

Glassed

By Rick - 01/07/2011 08:31 - United States

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 596

You deserved it 2 493

By Anonymous - 26/05/2014 11:37 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 440

You deserved it 5 844

WTF VHS?

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 04:02 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, a teacher asked me to edit a video of her class. Unfamiliar with cameras that work with video tape, I accidentally recorded over her video. The footage is impossible for me to get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 954

Roller coaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 1 642

By deven - 29/08/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 708

You deserved it 44 721

By hunchbackofnotredamn - 29/09/2015 08:33 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 310

You deserved it 2 251

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 737

You deserved it 6 559

By Anonymous - 20/01/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 990

You deserved it 3 955

By misty_love - 10/03/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 644

You deserved it 3 709

By dumpedattheclub - 28/03/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went to the club. The song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce came on; the DJ came on the mic and said "Single ladies raise your hands!" My girlfriend raised her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 878

You deserved it 7 242

By goinginsane - 06/05/2011 07:25

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 720

You deserved it 7 142

By Anonymous - 21/11/2012 05:00 - United States - Casselberry

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 899

You deserved it 5 070

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 14:06

Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 409

You deserved it 262

By ugly - 11/06/2012 12:01 - Australia

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 3 568

By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 284

You deserved it 13 851

By smh - 03/11/2015 20:04 - United States - Beulah

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend of two years asked me out on a date was because I accidentally flashed him when we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 349

You deserved it 2 990

No kidding

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 22:01

Today, I congratulated my best mate and his wife on their third pregnancy in three years. It then dawned on me that they've had sex more times in three years of marriage than I have had in six years of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 211

Birthday blues

By Ungrateful Guy - 10/03/2021 08:01

Today, it's my birthday. With all the lockdowns and curfews, my inner introvert was looking forward to enjoying a delicious meal and a bottle or two of wine by myself. My friends had other plans, namely a surprise Zoom party. Nice thought, I'm grateful for my friends, but I hate using Zoom. It went on for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 243

By willtype4food - 10/09/2012 00:45 - Finland

Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 744

You deserved it 2 909

Legalize it!

By fml9124 - 07/11/2020 17:02

Today, my state decriminalized small amounts of every hard drug you can name. Heroin, LSD, cocaine, you name it. I'm a recovering addict. I moved to Oregon to get away from the big city and drugs and take in nature. No I didn't. I knew this would happen. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 1 066

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 04:43 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 120

You deserved it 9 030

By morgan_love11 - 05/06/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 292

You deserved it 4 826

By strawberrypuff - 04/05/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I found out nobody in my family wants to come to my college graduation. I spent 4 years and $60,000 to be the first person in my family to go to college, and nobody wants to see me graduate because the 4 hour ceremony is too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 362

You deserved it 4 578

Appropriate force

By Peppered and Zapped - 07/04/2020 05:00

Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 995

You deserved it 180

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Top comments

jemmers 13

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Go grandma! At least she had fun.

kjcamaro3 5

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Come on granny....roll those hooters back up!

Feedmyaddiction5 14

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:02

Graphic. That sucks.

BarDownDaily 12

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:05

Pics or it didn't happen.

gamercanadian 11

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:07

I got pulled over for no reason, I ask y u pull me over cop goes just in case !!! Da hell right

isitinmybedroom 11

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:15

Do you like cheese?

kyarush 10

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:15

Making the best of her years. This is a problem?

DontModMeDammit 10

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:29

At least she wasn't run over by a reindeer.

pyromania21 0

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:34

hey could be a hot granny to wanna show off like that or could be a fat saggy wrinkly leathery skinned old broad with a lil too much booze in her

SecretMe00 5

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:51

Sounds like granny had a more exciting new year than I did. Very eventful.

bitchesbecrazy2 4

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:14

Are they sure it just wasn't Jeff Tremaine in a suit?

bitchesbecrazy2 4

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:14

Are they sure it just wasn't Jeff Tremaine in a suit?

FarSide 22

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:19

ANY exposure by Grandma is indecent.

periwinkle95 10

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Sunday 1 January 2012 21:19

Score 1 for Granny.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Sunday 1 January 2012 21:52

I bet there's at least one grandma reading these comments, crying. :(

Zeppelin1969 5

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Monday 2 January 2012 1:49

Thank you, OP, for an image of my own grandmother that will never come out of my head...

AssTard 15

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Monday 2 January 2012 7:42

And a grandpa too, thinking "No more nude grannies"? :(

hbbs93 6

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Tuesday 3 January 2012 9:49

Am I the only one that thought if the grandma on Raising Hope after reading this FML?

ilyWoods 5

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Wednesday 4 January 2012 8:56

This is hilarious! She is human, doesn't really matter how old you get, still have to live a little :) WTG Granny!

jemmers 13

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Go grandma! At least she had fun.

mango260 9

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:33

Jail isn't fun, poor grandma :(

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:27

Poor grandma? I heard as soon as she got there, she immediately destroyed to biggest inmate.

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Sunday 1 January 2012 21:40

*the.

Teehee2 0

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Monday 2 January 2012 0:27

bake them cookies Lucille!!

michaelscott23 7

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Monday 2 January 2012 9:42

33 is right. Jail isn't fun. Gramma might get ass raped there. Ass rape=no fun

B0NER 2

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Run away granny

Meowingtons500 18

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:27

Grannies gone wild: new years edition.

floresmarquezhah 0

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Sunday 1 January 2012 23:35

3: nice name.

manlikebanana 0

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Monday 2 January 2012 5:11

^^ roflmfao... I would buy that

kjcamaro3 5

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Come on granny....roll those hooters back up!

ZDK5498 6

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Sunday 1 January 2012 23:54

grandma is the alpha-hooter.

monkeysareyummy 0

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Monday 2 January 2012 7:11

I've seen worse.. Don't ask.

moop256 10

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

She's just getting senile

ICATiger 13

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:04

Nanny Mcfanny??

alicebrowniie 1

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Sunday 1 January 2012 23:36

lol mate

joshuaUNWRITTEN 0

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:05

Some Grandmas are just Amazing!!

AnthonyN 5

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Y.O.L.O.

MikeDa1Da 14

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:12

Shut the fuck up.

chels1994 11

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:20

In all honesty, I don't even know what this means...am I the only one?

ICATiger 13

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:39

What does that mean?

flockz 19

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:45

yapping ovary licking ostriches

ICATiger 13

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:01

Yapping.ovary.licking.oreos

flockz 19

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:07

or Yearning Olive Liver Oil.

ICATiger 13

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:20

Damn it flockz i'll never be as smart as you......... but i still love oreos :)

oakland43 6

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Sunday 1 January 2012 20:42

You Only Live Once

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Sunday 1 January 2012 21:35

Yucky Opium Laced Oysters

chels1994 11

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Well she had a good new year...

crazyquestions 4

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Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Awww that sucks...Grandma got away again...

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 59

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 66

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 128

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