Miscellaneous: Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was...

By Grandson - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Sorry…

People are people

By Anonymous

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Naperville

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

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By NiHao - Canada

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

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By Joe - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

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By OUCH. - United States

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

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By bastardddd - United States

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

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By touche :/ - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

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By melean - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

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By yamsterr - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up denial and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

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By bearprint

Today, I lost my job to the individual I just finished training. Within 2 hours after being escorted out, my old boss called and yelled at me for doing a lousy job. He was angry that the training was deficient and because the new person is as bad as I was. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I've used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML

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By ParkingGuy - United States

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant I decided to be nice and offer a woman free parking. I said, "give me a high five and I'll give you free parking since I already did the paper work." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paper work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

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By OhDearGodGrandad - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbus

Today, I went to a new doctor. While filling out charts she looked up and said, "I'm assuming you are single." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

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By RZ - United States

Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML

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By job hunter - United States - New York

Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

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By kellthryn

Stop! Thief!

Today, during my work shift, my car got stolen and I had to walk home on the rain. While I was walking home, my stolen car drove by. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gladewater

Bad boy

Today, after weeks of looking for the source of an awful smell in our house, I found out our dog has been climbing over our loft banister, into the attic, and shitting. There were over twenty mounds. It took me almost four hours to clean up, and it still stinks. FML

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By newlysingle - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

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By c.m.g.

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

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By catslave - New Zealand

Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML

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By Weathersucks - France

Today, I was on my way to meet the girl I like at the beach. I parked my truck and walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet her. She wasn't there so I called her and she told me she cancelled because it started raining. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. FML

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By a fat fucking shit and proud of it - United Kingdom - Camberley

Today, it's been less than a week since I finally got a job, after over a year of searching. I just found out that there's about to be a wave of layoffs. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, and already I'm going to lose my job. FML

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By Robert - United States - Drummond Island

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

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By RS - United States - Delray Beach

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

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By xXRowynXx - Canada

Today, I bleached my hair for the new school year. Instead of blonde, it came out orange, making my hair resemble a bloated pumpkin. FML

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By triplenipple - Sweden

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

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By muffintop - Canada

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

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By tuggernuts - United States

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

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Top comments

By jemmers | 13

#3815909 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Go grandma! At least she had fun.

By kjcamaro3 | 5

#3815913 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Come on granny....roll those hooters back up!

COMMENTS

By Feedmyaddiction5 | 14

#3815903 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:02

Graphic. That sucks.

BarDownDaily | 12

#3815935 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:05

Pics or it didn't happen.

gamercanadian | 11

#3815957 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:07

I got pulled over for no reason, I ask y u pull me over cop goes just in case !!! Da hell right

isitinmybedroom | 11

#3815999 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:15

Do you like cheese?

kyarush | 10

#3816001 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:15

Making the best of her years. This is a problem?

DontModMeDammit | 10

#3816055 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:29

At least she wasn't run over by a reindeer.

pyromania21 | 0

#3816071 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:34

hey could be a hot granny to wanna show off like that or could be a fat saggy wrinkly leathery skinned old broad with a lil too much booze in her

SecretMe00 | 5

#3816142 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:51

Sounds like granny had a more exciting new year than I did. Very eventful.

bitchesbecrazy2 | 4

#3816236 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:14

Are they sure it just wasn't Jeff Tremaine in a suit?

bitchesbecrazy2 | 4

#3816239 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:14

Are they sure it just wasn't Jeff Tremaine in a suit?

FarSide | 22

#3816254 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:19

ANY exposure by Grandma is indecent.

periwinkle95 | 10

#3816446 - Sunday 1 January 2012 21:19

Score 1 for Granny.

ShroomsOnAcid | 16

#3816540 - Sunday 1 January 2012 21:52

I bet there's at least one grandma reading these comments, crying. :(

Zeppelin1969 | 5

#3817501 - Monday 2 January 2012 1:49

Thank you, OP, for an image of my own grandmother that will never come out of my head...

AssTard | 15

#3819154 - Monday 2 January 2012 7:42

And a grandpa too, thinking "No more nude grannies"? :(

hbbs93 | 6

#3823825 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 9:49

Am I the only one that thought if the grandma on Raising Hope after reading this FML?

ilyWoods | 5

#3828378 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 8:56

This is hilarious! She is human, doesn't really matter how old you get, still have to live a little :)
WTG Granny!

By jemmers | 13

#3815909 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Go grandma! At least she had fun.

mango260 | 9

#3816069 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:33

Jail isn't fun, poor grandma :(

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3816288 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:27

Poor grandma? I heard as soon as she got there, she immediately destroyed to biggest inmate.

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3816510 - Sunday 1 January 2012 21:40

*the.

Teehee2 | 0

#3816892 - Monday 2 January 2012 0:27

bake them cookies Lucille!!

michaelscott23 | 7

#3819693 - Monday 2 January 2012 9:42

33 is right. Jail isn't fun. Gramma might get ass raped there. Ass rape=no fun

By B0NER | 2

#3815911 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Run away granny

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3816291 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:27

Grannies gone wild: new years edition.

floresmarquezhah | 0

#3816780 - Sunday 1 January 2012 23:35

3: nice name.

manlikebanana | 0

#3818130 - Monday 2 January 2012 5:11

^^ roflmfao... I would buy that

By kjcamaro3 | 5

#3815913 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

Come on granny....roll those hooters back up!

ZDK5498 | 6

#3816824 - Sunday 1 January 2012 23:54

grandma is the alpha-hooter.

monkeysareyummy | 0

#3818444 - Monday 2 January 2012 7:11

I've seen worse.. Don't ask.

By moop256 | 10

#3815916 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:03

She's just getting senile

By ICATiger | 13

#3815919 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:04

Nanny Mcfanny??

alicebrowniie | 1

#3816783 - Sunday 1 January 2012 23:36

lol mate

By joshuaUNWRITTEN | 0

#3815930 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:05

Some Grandmas are just Amazing!!

By AnthonyN | 5

#3815942 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Y.O.L.O.

MikeDa1Da | 14

#3815978 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:12

Shut the fuck up.

chels1994 | 11

#3816019 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:20

In all honesty, I don't even know what this means...am I the only one?

ICATiger | 13

#3816085 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:39

What does that mean?

flockz | 19

#3816115 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:45

yapping ovary licking ostriches

ICATiger | 13

#3816179 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:01

Yapping.ovary.licking.oreos

flockz | 19

#3816213 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:07

or Yearning Olive Liver Oil.

ICATiger | 13

#3816261 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:20

Damn it flockz i'll never be as smart as you......... but i still love oreos :)

oakland43 | 6

#3816335 - Sunday 1 January 2012 20:42

You Only Live Once

ShroomsOnAcid | 16

#3816491 - Sunday 1 January 2012 21:35

Yucky Opium Laced Oysters

By chels1994 | 11

#3815943 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Well she had a good new year...

By crazyquestions | 4

#3815947 - Sunday 1 January 2012 19:06

Awww that sucks...Grandma got away again...