Miscellaneous: Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought...

By Paul - 08/08/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 377

You deserved it 2 917

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Shidding and farding

Rampage

By lafinesse - 14/05/2012 22:23

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 559

You deserved it 4 518

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 04:41 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 328

You deserved it 2 953

By preggersss - 19/07/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 546

You deserved it 17 174

By oneiPodlighter - 10/10/2013 03:03 - United States - Conshohocken

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 893

You deserved it 24 763

By worthless - 10/11/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 713

You deserved it 39 771

By Dope - 24/12/2008 11:23 - United States

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 712

You deserved it 23 201

By mybackhurts - 04/02/2018 15:00

Today, my doctor ordered me an EKG to help my health anxiety. I have panic attacks and feel like my heart is out of rhythm, but my doctors have all told me it’s just in my head. I got the test results. I meet with the cardiologist next week to discuss surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 830

You deserved it 267

Thanks, I hate it

By wowgranny - 22/12/2016 20:08 - United States - Tooele

Today, my grandma told me that I'm starting to look like my sister. I jokingly replied, "Uh-oh I'm in trouble then." She gave me a very disapproving look and said, "You should be happy. She's beautiful, unlike you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 663

You deserved it 1 267

By Noname - 09/03/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 588

You deserved it 2 925

By FinanciallyF*ked - 21/11/2018 15:30

Today, after my husband applied for a VA loan so we could move out of our ridiculously overpriced apartment and into our first home as a mortgage would be significantly cheaper, we were denied. If we can afford $1400/month in rent, we surely can’t be trusted with $1000/month for a mortgage, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 123

You deserved it 181

Carry her home

By Anonymous - 16/05/2014 19:02 - Canada - Gander

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 294

You deserved it 4 311

By Chey1309 - 29/06/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked alright for our date. He said, "Honey, you look fine, just don't go out in public like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 987

You deserved it 6 229

By soldiergirl - 25/10/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 027

You deserved it 3 793

By fyln00b - 03/07/2010 04:49 - France

Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 592

You deserved it 8 245

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 987

You deserved it 4 163

By Lisa - 16/12/2014 03:38 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 186

You deserved it 4 343

By love-shot - 17/08/2013 08:24 - United States - Hays

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 977

You deserved it 7 821

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 225

You deserved it 5 011

By Mandoune - 07/11/2008 14:18 - Finland

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 283

You deserved it 4 556

By whatsmccraken - 10/09/2009 12:37 - Taiwan

Today, I was on a 12 hour trans-Atlantic flight overseas. I asked the flight attendant where this rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour 1 of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 627

You deserved it 2 290

It's a doggy dog world

By Stephon - 04/08/2021 02:01

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 197

By not-so-happy-feet - 14/06/2009 23:41 - Canada

Today, I was at my friends birthday party, dancing bare foot because my feet hurt from the heels. Apparently, someone dropped a glass on the dancefloor and didn't warn anybody. I ended up having to drive myself to the emergency room because all my friends were "having too much fun to leave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 974

You deserved it 6 438

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 311

You deserved it 9 827

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 21:54

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 805

You deserved it 2 335

By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/08/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 361

You deserved it 16 108

By KBO - 08/06/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 025

You deserved it 43 315

By phonegotlostinthepark - 03/12/2013 17:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 134

You deserved it 4 130

By NotFromAustralia - 08/07/2016 05:25 - United States - Denver

Today, I thought the earwig infestation that had plagued my basement apartment for weeks had finally solved itself. Turns out the black widow infestation took care of it for me. Time to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 629

You deserved it 838

By omgstuupidd - 17/02/2013 14:27 - United States - Brewster

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 415

You deserved it 6 289

By neverleavingthehouseagain - 08/12/2015 23:08 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 684

You deserved it 5 518

By Anonymous - 16/05/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 632

You deserved it 8 705

Keeping up appearances

By waterpistolriot - 23/10/2020 11:02 - Austria

Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 765

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 02:23 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 612

You deserved it 3 601

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 480

You deserved it 9 041

By noname - 20/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 250

You deserved it 8 255

By poop - 24/03/2016 18:15 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 970

You deserved it 2 540

XXL

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 23:01

Today, after losing 20 pounds, I decided to purchase new clothes. All of the clothes at the store were still too small for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 227

Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 12:01 - United States - Longmont

Today, I looked at cute baby clothes while my friend was in the check-out line at JC Penny. It made me want to cry. I'm almost 33, childless, and so unattractive I couldn't pay someone to be into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 167

By [email protected] - 28/09/2014 15:30 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 519

You deserved it 4 844

By Anonymous - 23/01/2015 06:33 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 744

You deserved it 4 456

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Top comments

AaronTkr 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 8:51

grandma knows how to party!

twinny_sc 13

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Monday 8 August 2011 8:52

"I'm sorry officer I don't see.... GRANNY PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON! ...a problem here."

AaronTkr 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 8:51

grandma knows how to party!

chuckychan 8

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Monday 8 August 2011 8:56

Grandmas party hard.

himynameischeese 6

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Monday 8 August 2011 9:05

Go grandma go grandma it's yo birthday!!

HowAreYouToday 34

Monday 8 August 2011 9:07

Um.... I have no words

damadrappa 4

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Monday 8 August 2011 9:08

Grandma: "Was the bass to high?"

CathyCraaazy 8

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Monday 8 August 2011 9:34

"ain't no party like my grandma's tea party!"

kwchambers92 10

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Monday 8 August 2011 10:03

"If I would have known you were visiting I would have trimmed my antlers"

yoursucklives 36

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Monday 8 August 2011 10:15

grandma should lay off the vodka

enonymous 8

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Monday 8 August 2011 10:31

My Granny taught me how to put a condom on a banana with no hands and while doing a keg stand

kwchambers92 10

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Monday 8 August 2011 10:32

56 sounds dangerous

AaronTkr 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 12:53

Grandmas gone wild lol

KaintukeeBob 13

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Monday 8 August 2011 15:29

Geriatric jell-o shots?

chuckychan 8

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Monday 8 August 2011 21:31

@#34 epic Flight of the Conchords reference.

zachherbert 10

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 8:04

She's gonna turn the retirement home into a night club

aFatFuck 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 8:51

Grandmas always throw the most insane parties

ilovecookies83 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 9:59

I think the neighbors were just jealous!

ariannaimelda 7

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Monday 8 August 2011 10:09

Hell yeah they do, they have the most party experience, they know how to make it right ;)

yamatelle 19

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Monday 8 August 2011 10:26

OP is lucky to have a grandma like that. Mine is so old she saw anal beads and bought one thinking it was a necklace. Don't ask me where she got them from....