Miscellaneous: Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 254

01/01/2011 05:18

Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 140

You deserved it 8 102

Miscellaneous

Batman

The smell detective is on the case

Can't handle it

The cupcake incident

By kandi - 04/05/2009 07:34

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I rested on the glass protecting the cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 417

You deserved it 79 705

05/04/2009 21:39

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 267

You deserved it 284 686

Timewaster

By HMM - 28/07/2010 11:42

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 957

You deserved it 2 985

05/01/2011 16:41

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 249

You deserved it 4 341

Batshit

By fuck your indoctrination - 26/03/2021 09:01

Today, my cousin died of a very treatable illness. She was pressured into herbal and holistic "faith healing" instead of seeking "poisonous western filth". Her husband, church and family all seem to think she made the right choice. I’ve been shunned for disagreeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 74

03/01/2010 03:22

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 698

You deserved it 3 455

13/03/2019 12:00

Today, my ex of 5 years got engaged after 5 months of us "taking a break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 054

You deserved it 294

06/02/2009 01:30

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 297

You deserved it 3 295

03/04/2011 17:39

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 610

You deserved it 33 408

15/05/2016 19:59

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 140

You deserved it 1 465

09/01/2011 18:47

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 884

You deserved it 3 917

15/09/2016 10:21

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 214

You deserved it 3 011

28/04/2013 05:23

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 499

You deserved it 3 413

25/02/2010 18:12

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 402

You deserved it 2 312

12/09/2014 21:36

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 710

You deserved it 3 493

31/01/2012 00:20

Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 342

You deserved it 4 195

02/05/2019 18:00

Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 431

27/10/2009 18:49

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 481

You deserved it 5 035

26/05/2016 19:55

Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 626

You deserved it 844

18/10/2013 23:44

Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 405

You deserved it 6 107

17/10/2012 05:18

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 123

You deserved it 4 622

12/11/2013 05:31

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 560

You deserved it 3 254

05/09/2009 18:16

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 312

You deserved it 2 537

Stay in school, kids...

By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 01:30

Today, my son told me he got a tattoo to honour our German heritage. The bloody fool got an eagle and swastika on his arm. I had to explain to a 20-year-old what WWII was. He’s now researching laser removal. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 576

You deserved it 1 268

18/06/2019 01:08

Today, after sending and receiving hundreds of hints, I mustered up the courage to ask my best friend out. He completely ignored my words, and went on to tell me all about his mother's intestinal bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 189

07/03/2012 22:07

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of me to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 118

You deserved it 2 393

27/09/2013 08:18

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 754

You deserved it 4 415

With friends like these…

By Poor as fuck - 29/05/2019 22:07

Today, I stayed with a friend because I was recently kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. When I went out for job applications, she asked, "Can you pick me up a pack of smokes?" and then got mad that I didn't have the money, calling me selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 306

20/08/2014 17:01

Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 254

You deserved it 3 494

Roommates from hell

By ugh - 30/09/2011 19:45

Today, after a month of living in a pigsty of an apartment with my roommates, I spent the day cleaning the place out. When everyone returned home, instead of thanking me, all they could do was point out the spots I'd missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 360

You deserved it 3 501

19/04/2017 14:00

Today, my husband refuses to stop answering my phone calls with, "Haaaaail Satan!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 019

You deserved it 592

07/05/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my dad invested my entire college fund into some shady internet stock, despite my dire warnings about being careful. He told me not to worry as he'd done some research, and he guaranteed everything would be fine. Two hours later that same stock dropped almost 75%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 956

You deserved it 407

06/08/2014 23:33

Today, at work in a library, I found a dirty diaper stuffed under one of the public use computer desks. Not only was it leaking, but it had been run over several times by a rolling office chair. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 583

You deserved it 2 798

13/01/2010 01:05

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 114

You deserved it 2 880

Stalker panic

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 08:01

Today, I was walking to the optometrist when I saw my creepy stalker following me. The entire shopping centre then sounded the alarm, so the rail was half down. Desperate to get away from my stalker, I turned around and walked out the store and hit my head on the rail in front of the employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 100

22/08/2013 17:56

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 432

You deserved it 3 147

17/05/2012 04:35

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 098

You deserved it 5 875

07/01/2010 18:42

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 949

You deserved it 2 946

31/07/2010 07:35

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 531

You deserved it 4 205

06/02/2010 18:29

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 836

You deserved it 7 017

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Top comments

FYLDeep 25

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:21

What the hell where you doing in bed? Even if you're alone you should be up for New Years.

mercedes3210 6

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:21

sad you should hang out with your grandma

Comments

asherb0y 9

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:16

wow. thats sad!

suuuuurrrrraaaaa 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 5:20

New Years Eve is my birthday and my mom was at the club while i was working. All day.

gobluemegan 1

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:20

well at least you have time to change that.

FYLDeep 25

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:21

What the hell where you doing in bed? Even if you're alone you should be up for New Years.

tabarnak_fml 7

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Friday 8 April 2011 14:23

He's an idiot.

turtlefreak28 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 15:43

I agree! u should be partying! it's new years!

mercedes3210 6

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:21

sad you should hang out with your grandma

xxmollyxx 25

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:24

Seems like most people have a better social life than you do.

Brittneyyyy 7

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:25

She could've been by herself, just sayin'...

talun 10

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:26

You're in bed? Were you even trying?

pinkdisco 3

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:34

Haha that's brilliant. I was in bed last night but it's only because I was up at half four for work, sucks.

momo1972 3

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:41

she's probably getting laid too

AZMarine 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:58

Who thinks of these things?

sjosue 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 13:25

i know right .. I mean its not like it could be a pervert .. .. Oh, wait! .. lol

btnhdude 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 14:42

momo... that's a no-no 0.0

Tweeki 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 13:15

Ur own fault ! You could've gone out !