Miscellaneous: Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told...

By Anonymous - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25385

You deserved it

1900

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Understandable

Late term

Unimpressed

By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26903

You deserved it

2094

Favorite

By combovercaiti_

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2208

You deserved it

336

Favorite

By Voltron - United States

Today, I have to go on a diet, because I can't afford to buy bigger clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13738

You deserved it

37537

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50504

You deserved it

5119

Favorite

By E - United States

Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

83217

You deserved it

8456

Favorite

By Nate - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34666

You deserved it

59018

Favorite

By hungry - United States

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35648

You deserved it

3979

Favorite

By Scared - 28/8/2020 05:03

Meet the parents

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Remember the show Honey Boo Boo? They seem sophisticated compared to the family of weirdoes I got to meet. It's almost got me reconsidering my planned proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1296

You deserved it

216

Favorite

By copper - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over because there was a sign hidden behind a tree that said "No left turn". As I was getting my ticket, I watched as three cars turned left. The cop saw them, laughed, and said, "I guess you're the unlucky one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43828

You deserved it

3643

Favorite

By Michelle - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50611

You deserved it

5601

Favorite

By Noname - Canada

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

82056

You deserved it

8640

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25247

You deserved it

9623

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53021

You deserved it

6266

Favorite

By Mith - Poland

Today, in biology class, I kept seeing a fly mosquito buzzing past my face and I kept trying to swat at it... only to realize that it was a ceiling sprinkler that was about 10 feet away. I have no depth perception. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17319

You deserved it

17941

Favorite

By Jlipka - United States

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31755

You deserved it

5581

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26070

You deserved it

1760

Favorite

By Marcella_03 - United Kingdom

Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27675

You deserved it

15931

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Palmer

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25541

You deserved it

2622

Favorite

By roflcopter - United States

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19133

You deserved it

31437

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41052

You deserved it

3273

Favorite

By kenz - United States

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42314

You deserved it

2540

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gaffney

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43725

You deserved it

4486

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17112

You deserved it

3286

Favorite

By fleur_de_fevrier - Ireland

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10107

You deserved it

24059

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45601

You deserved it

12397

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my little sister put on some black eyeliner on my eyes. About half an hour later, my eyes started to hurt. Eyeliner never hurt for me; so I went to the bathroom to check it out. My sister wasn't using eyeliner. It was a black watercolor pencil. Now I have black bits inside my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29208

You deserved it

6306

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

98449

You deserved it

7843

Favorite

By jonh_215 - United States

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28925

You deserved it

3975

Favorite

By Anonymous

Romantic mood

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2040

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By Cottagecheeseha - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22583

You deserved it

6742

Favorite

By Flippy - United States

Today, at work, I was reprimanded for not engaging with customers enough. In an effort to be more friendly, I complimented the next customer on her interesting accent. Turns out it was from a stroke she had last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30129

You deserved it

6185

Favorite

By damnit. - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32820

You deserved it

1889

Favorite

By all shat out - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33488

You deserved it

4188

Favorite

By benander - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68798

You deserved it

4085

Favorite

By al - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10049

You deserved it

30484

Favorite

By Maggie - Canada

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28341

You deserved it

3961

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I went to the hairdresser on a spur of the moment decision to get a quick wash and cut. 45 painful minutes and $180 later, I honestly don't know if anything was actually done to my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1519

You deserved it

459

Favorite

By disgusted - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30783

You deserved it

6472

Favorite

By father-in-nope - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29362

You deserved it

2737

Favorite

By chipmunk - United States

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39603

You deserved it

7642

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By booze_n_bitches | 35

#6368561 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:39

Excusable because she's senile: but if any commenters start a debate on abortion....well, just don't.

By nix1993 | 41

#6368585 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:50

A few months ago my Grandma tried to drown my black cat because he walked under a ladder that my Dad was up. Nothing happened, but apparently the fact that he was called 'Lucky' was 'ironic proof that he was the anti-christ'. Senility sucks.

COMMENTS

By Yolomcswaggin420 | 17

#6368559 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:39

I guess you shouldn't "abort" the idea the she is still senile

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6368569 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:43

No.

UncleCaitlyn | 21

#6368578 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:46

That was bad and you should feel bad

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6368604 - Sunday 2 August 2015 1:24

This is a classic example of someone who landed first comment and tried way too hard to be witty.

Your first mistake was attempting to make a pun. Your second was putting "quotations" around it.

FR4GTP | 6

#6370125 - Monday 3 August 2015 18:39

cut it out with the abortion jokes.

By booze_n_bitches | 35

#6368561 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:39

Excusable because she's senile: but if any commenters start a debate on abortion....well, just don't.

ptoka | 20

#6368683 - Sunday 2 August 2015 4:14

Abortion is an all right alternative depending on the circumstances... Mmmkay (couldn't help it)

drrobotnik1 | 18

#6369105 - Sunday 2 August 2015 17:44

but random inappropriate comments sections on the internet are the only places left to talk about abortion.

calerino | 8

#6369589 - Monday 3 August 2015 2:55

If you plant a seed and dig it up again, did you cut down a tree?

Adeptus_Astartes | 22

#6369878 - Monday 3 August 2015 10:58

Yes because comparing Humans to plants is entirely acceptable.

booze_n_bitches | 35

#6371428 - Tuesday 4 August 2015 23:26

#38 and #40 WHAT DID I JUST SAY. Go to your room and think about what you've just done.

alex_jaguara | 29

#7953379 - Saturday 21 November 2020 7:38

Ok, let's raise kids in unloving families or unable to care for them, let's overcrowd foster homes, ruin the teenage mom's life. Surely better option than abortion.

By jlang917 | 14

#6368562 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:40

She was mistaken, and she is senile, so I wouldn't take it too hard OP!

By Kaos_Yggdrasil | 7

#6368563 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:40

lol FYL she is senile :/

By snackfood0 | 15

#6368565 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:40

Wow, what a ray of sunshine.

By Koalax3 | 18

#6368566 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:40

It's alright you're not the only one with a senile grandma, mine for example thinks I'm a demon, because I was born on the same date as her husbands death and tells me so constantly

GrumpyGrinch | 23

#6368577 - Sunday 2 August 2015 0:46

Would it be better or worse if she decides that you are the soul of that same husband returned to her?

VeganDarkLight | 31

#6368647 - Sunday 2 August 2015 3:11

Oh wow, I feel you. My granddad always asks me if I'm a member of a sect, his reason being that I like to wear black. We just gotta love them nonetheless, who knows if we're gonna end up like this ourselves one day.