Health: Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea,... - FML

By crap - 17/01/2014 16:24 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 960

You deserved it 4 406

Mama's boy

Stop talking!

Bottom of the list

By hbt51 - 17/08/2015 19:56 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 943

You deserved it 1 935

By Anonymous - 18/07/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 076

You deserved it 3 722

By Rhinobro01 - 27/07/2019 10:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was at a friend's house when his dad told me that he had Photoshopped his face onto a woman's body. I looked at the photo and said it was gross, disgusting and weird. Later on, my friend told me that the photo was actually a picture of his dad's twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 701

Jingle bells

By anomynous - 03/12/2020 11:01

Today, I woke up with my period. At least I'm getting into the Christmas spirit with red and green shorts, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 116

By afraidtosleep - 13/10/2012 06:35 - United States - Houston

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 897

You deserved it 6 307

By John - 19/11/2011 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 389

You deserved it 5 101

By missinformed - 18/05/2017 12:00

Today, Geico called to tell me they were canceling my insurance. Someone I don't know got pulled over for drunk-driving and the police wrote down my license plate number instead by accident. Although the DMV says they cleared everything up, Geico still won't believe it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 645

You deserved it 274

By badluckryan - 25/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 454

You deserved it 2 929

By Anonymous - 03/12/2016 09:54 - United States

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 886

You deserved it 640

How to invite someone without actually inviting them

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 07:59 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my parents asked me if I was sure I didn't want to join them on a family trip tomorrow with my sister. I was never invited, and unlike the rest of the family, I have a full-time job where I can't just take days off with no warning. This is how they announce most "family trips" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 44

By maddie - 06/11/2013 05:06 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 288

You deserved it 7 513

By Sickasadog - 06/02/2017 16:00 - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's room with the new paint we bought. It's an oil-based paint which hides all blemishes on the wall, but apparently makes me sick. I'm now throwing up everywhere, but at least the room looks good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 689

You deserved it 664

Driven

By Anonymous - 04/09/2019 16:03

Today, I drove 3 hours to get to a class, just to have the professor leave a note on the classroom door saying that she wasn't coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 103

By annon - 11/02/2012 06:23 - Canada

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 389

You deserved it 3 357

By emmey - 23/07/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 885

You deserved it 44 771

Empathy hurts

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 02:02

Today, my brother-in-law's wife said she won the jackpot by marrying into our family. What she doesn't know is that they make fun of her family behind her back, and her husband has no drive or focus in life. Now I get to watch her discover how crazy they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 192

By GN - 17/09/2012 04:47 - United States - New York

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 311

You deserved it 46 851

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 20:22 - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my mum wants me to see a psychologist because I've been acting strange lately. If by "strange" she means "not wanting to die any more", then sure. But thanks, I could've used that psychologist 3 years ago when I asked for one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 039

You deserved it 1 368

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 334

You deserved it 2 076

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 347

You deserved it 10 711

By snickerdoodles - 08/01/2010 06:30 - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 335

You deserved it 3 963

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 22:30

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 165

By LifeInShambles - 10/05/2019 10:00

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 516

By sqquish - 01/03/2016 18:48 - United States - Smithfield

Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 867

You deserved it 4 597

Ace in the hole

By IHaveThePower - 19/11/2021 11:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Spicy

Today, I found out the test for a yeast infection is a vaginal exam. I've never had a deeper understanding of my own asexuality than in the moment a stranger, with another stranger as a chaperone, was poking at my intimate parts while I couldn't see what was going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 163

By Kilamo - 04/07/2019 16:00

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 23/06/2019 20:30

Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 118

By TractorUWG - 27/09/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 272

You deserved it 18 083

By Stevarious - 10/07/2015 15:49 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he's selling the building and I've got 30 days to vacate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 318

You deserved it 2 259

By tickyette - 14/09/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 173

You deserved it 10 326

Size Queen

By Jenson - 17/11/2020 19:05 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 26/01/2011 13:26 - United States

Today, I was dumped. I ran home and cried and ranted on and on to my mother. After about 10 minutes of talking, she threw a book at my face and said, "No wonder he dumped you! You can't shut up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 200

You deserved it 15 838

By person_r - 21/07/2009 12:03 - Norway

Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 527

You deserved it 12 561

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 23:38 - Canada

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 381

You deserved it 6 977

Oh, the irony

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 07:56

Today, my dad came home after collecting donations for construction of the temple of Lord Rama, who is known for qualities like patience. Within 5 minutes, he started yelling at my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 72

By Kjer - 24/03/2013 00:38 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out "well fuck you too". Very awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 139

You deserved it 41 626

By 50love - 13/12/2011 05:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. After he did, he walked over to his friends. I saw him tell them that he broke up with me. After he finished all of them cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 867

You deserved it 8 094

Favorite child

By Anonymous - 23/01/2020 01:00

Today, I heard that my mom is coming back from France, where my brother lives. I have lived in the same place, exactly 45 minutes from my mother, for 6 years. She hasn't visited me once, but has been out of state to see my sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 088

You deserved it 193

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 14:07

Today, I had people coming over to buy some chairs from me. I took a screenshot of their profile because I was home alone, and watch enough ID to be cautious. I thought I'd sent it to my fiancé. I'd sent it to them instead. Now my anxiety is through the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 1 145

By FMyThroat - 18/01/2013 00:39 - Peru - Lima

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 622

You deserved it 2 807

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Top comments

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:12

I guess dreams really do come true

leroyjenkins006 10

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:11

Let the brown rivers flow

Comments

Friday 17 January 2014 21:11

Sounds like a shitty situation

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:15

No! Get out. Now!

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:19

Just... Why...?

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:29

The sad part is that some idiots are up voting #1s comment.

klovemachine 24

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Friday 17 January 2014 22:27

Dang, 35, take a chill pill :D #1, good job :) that pun is appropriate for this FML

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Friday 17 January 2014 22:27

is it really necessary to comment this on every poop-related post?

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Friday 17 January 2014 22:34

No it's not appropriate. It's overused.

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Friday 17 January 2014 23:42

You'd think that even newcomers would know this comment is a big no-no.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Friday 17 January 2014 23:54

it'd be more appropriate if it weren't used even on unrelated posts. and it's never just one person, there's always 12 people that have to parrot the same comment.

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Saturday 18 January 2014 2:48

Oh sheet!

klovemachine 24

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Saturday 18 January 2014 2:58

Over 3 million FML accounts, and so many without a sense of humor :( It's funny, 65, so too bad :)

cryssycakesx3 22

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Saturday 18 January 2014 3:08

no. it stopped being funny a year ago

klovemachine 24

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Saturday 18 January 2014 4:57

I FAIL :)

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Saturday 18 January 2014 6:50

if it wasn't on every poop related FML

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Saturday 18 January 2014 16:59

What a waste of a first comment.

leroyjenkins006 10

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:11

Let the brown rivers flow

Topasofmagic 17

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Saturday 18 January 2014 10:11

OP's in a mess now! >~

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:11

It's like peeing in bed!

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:28

Except thicker, darker, smellier, it makes you cringe, chunkier, and comes out much faster. Exactly the same.

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:38

No shit!

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Friday 17 January 2014 22:29

Oh yes shit!

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Friday 17 January 2014 22:53

And it burns!

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Friday 17 January 2014 23:16

Erm no, it wouldn't burn.

SmuggletheBudgie 15

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Friday 17 January 2014 23:18

oh yes, it burns.

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Friday 17 January 2014 23:19

#61, if your poop burns, I think you should see a doctor about that.

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Friday 17 January 2014 23:51

My god #32, I ment like peeing in bed as if "when you dream about peeing, you pee"

DKjazz 20

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Saturday 18 January 2014 0:44

It certainly can burn, depending on what you ate. Spicy foods can irritate the sensitive bum skin on the way out.

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:11

Oh. That's nasty.

pwnman 33

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:53

*Cleveland's voice*

cryssycakesx3 22

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Saturday 18 January 2014 0:07

#44, was that necessary?

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Saturday 18 January 2014 8:35

#76, was that necessary?

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:11

Oh my god, I remember when I was little I would dream of taking a piss, then I would wake up and I would be actually taking a piss.

onlychildFTW 33

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Sunday 19 January 2014 20:42

I bet that's happened to everyone at least once in their life. Haha.

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:12

I guess dreams really do come true

minesbiggerr 25

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Saturday 18 January 2014 3:51

BOOM!

Devilknighthawk 9

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Sunday 19 January 2014 19:59

This comment made me laugh more than the post itself >.<

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:12

hope u woke up before it was too late

Bilbo_Swaggins 5

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:12

shitty situation huh?

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:16

Twice in 8 comments? Good lord. Stop it!

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:13

now instead of taking a nap u were taking a crap!

SgtAssCheeks 21

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:13

It's like a dream became reality, eh?

TheCrispyCat 20

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Friday 17 January 2014 21:30

Your Canadian is showing.

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Friday 17 January 2014 23:00

#34 I strongly approve of your comment.

SgtAssCheeks 21

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Friday 17 January 2014 23:04

Is it offensive? :O

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Saturday 18 January 2014 2:14

You're not offended, are you?

SgtAssCheeks 21

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Saturday 18 January 2014 4:43

Im not even mad :)

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 42

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 146

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 1 009