Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

Number one or number two?

Today, I found out that the myth about what happens when you dream you're going to the toilet is not entirely untrue. At least for me. FML

No shit

Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML

You sleep in your pants?

Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML

Geometry

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

Nearly did a Jimi Hendrix

Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML

Two speeds

Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML

Two states of matter

Today, I learned that is it possible to be constipated and have diarrhea at the same time. You run to the toilet every half-hour, but almost nothing comes out and you feel so bloated you could burst, while eating almost nothing. FML

Sophie's choice

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML