Miscellaneous: Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight....

By my cheese grater + your dick - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42025

You deserved it

5277

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Spice

Two wheels not so good

By artmfanforever - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14294

You deserved it

25709

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By fartje - Netherlands

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer blatantly farted as I sat down, then she sneered, "Making yourself comfortable, I see..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32558

You deserved it

2444

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By kat - Reserved

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27653

You deserved it

3045

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By lababy - United States

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41657

You deserved it

21011

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41244

You deserved it

3023

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By Lukey1028 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26268

You deserved it

3418

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawndale

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27539

You deserved it

2641

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41562

You deserved it

3827

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By anonymous

The apple of my eye

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1225

You deserved it

279

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By JSeth - Canada

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51573

You deserved it

10121

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By Burntintomyretinas - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25767

You deserved it

3581

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By Anonymous - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Kingshill

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53148

You deserved it

19220

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By angry - United Kingdom

Today, I was on web cam to my girlfriend who was naked. She turned the web cam to point to the screen for a second and she was also on web cam with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29482

You deserved it

3208

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a post-it note on my locker that said "consider yourself dumped". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41733

You deserved it

4658

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By London - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42074

You deserved it

3374

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By Walter - Spain

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31991

You deserved it

6203

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By ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- - United States - Laurel

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26296

You deserved it

1614

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33236

You deserved it

4260

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2021 06:01

Right in the nuts

Today, I thought it would be fun and nice to pick my little brother up, but no, he accidentally kicked me in the balls. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

633

You deserved it

199

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By Anonymous

Retail stinks

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1222

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30252

You deserved it

4357

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2020 08:08 - United States - Bakerville

Thanksgiving 2020 is going to be a doozy

Today, I'm stuck at my minimum wage job, listening to people who make twice as much as me complain that, "they only get the week off for Thanksgiving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

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By Megan - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21515

You deserved it

2302

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By fluent in two, unlike you - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39667

You deserved it

3804

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By bummed and broke - United States

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10818

You deserved it

34853

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By Tey - United States

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28834

You deserved it

17807

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By titkip - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I am too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18686

You deserved it

9473

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By Michelle Jade

#worthit

Today, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken leg bones, a reattached tendon, and four screws holding my leg together. Why? Because I wanted chocolate milk and some asshat didn't see me walking across the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2903

You deserved it

499

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By caphis - United States

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59901

You deserved it

13115

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By literature - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Poor old George Orwell…

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42312

You deserved it

3053

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By Lonesome - United States - Bossier City

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54333

You deserved it

13040

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56572

You deserved it

4120

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By vaylosa

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35474

You deserved it

3590

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By wilmerjean - United States

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24239

You deserved it

3108

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17743

You deserved it

47231

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By Belgian girl - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5278

You deserved it

694

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By embarrassed - Australia

Today, I went out with my boyfriend and thought I'd wear two bras under my singlet-top to make my chest look bigger. Upon leaving Target, one of the security guards noticed the extra straps and accused me of shoplifting. I had to spend the next 20 minutes explaining the situation to security. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20285

You deserved it

47005

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By ohgodwhy - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28943

You deserved it

5108

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By Anonymous - United States - Clay City

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7828

You deserved it

60622

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was hiding Easter eggs around the house when my 7-year-old triplets woke up from their nap and saw me. They quickly realized that I am the Easter Bunny, and then they guessed that I am Santa. Now I have 3 crying second graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23089

You deserved it

4226

Favorite

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Top comments

By beckiebear | 15

#5830335 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:52

Party with grandma! You should have just drank with her and taken a cab home. Live it up, OP!

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5830336 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:52

Ever stop to think that she invited you out of pity? Harsh.

COMMENTS

By beckiebear | 15

#5830335 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:52

Party with grandma! You should have just drank with her and taken a cab home. Live it up, OP!

patrickalamo | 47

#5830559 - Saturday 18 January 2014 3:45

Your Granny rocks!!!

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5830336 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:52

Ever stop to think that she invited you out of pity? Harsh.

tomwantssnow | 14

#5830420 - Saturday 18 January 2014 0:49

That, or she really needed a DD

SpunkyyyMonkeyy | 10

#5833378 - Monday 20 January 2014 18:48

Pity party!! :D

By Opheliae | 22

#5830337 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:53

Did you win anything?

By Gingerette | 8

#5830339 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:53

Crazy grandparents these days are more interesting than I am..

By PoofTopComment | 4

#5830340 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:53

And were supposed to feel bad for you? I wish my grandma's was like that!

By xSkittle | 16

#5830341 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:53

At least you had something to do! And grandma had a good time, yay for her!

By cmorgan119 | 10

#5830343 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:53

Next time trick your sibling into being the DD and party with your grandma.

By purebliss_fml | 19

#5830356 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:57

New bingo drinking game:
Take a shot every time a number is called.

EdenCrystal | 21

#5830444 - Saturday 18 January 2014 1:18

:O But what if you got too drunk to realize you got a bingo?!?

Nordrag | 26

#5830446 - Saturday 18 January 2014 1:23

keep drinking

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5830358 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:58

Damn your grandma needs to teach me how to party

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#5830359 - Friday 17 January 2014 23:59

At least she was responsible enough to get a designated driver. You would've otherwise spend the night playing with cheese graters and dicks anyways.