By not as easy as pie - United States - San Francisco Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML I agree, your life sucks 16177 You deserved it 21228 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oped01 - United States - Cape Coral Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML I agree, your life sucks 10876 You deserved it 956 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By broke - United States Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML I agree, your life sucks 66438 You deserved it 5180 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML I agree, your life sucks 19555 You deserved it 30125 188 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SadPuppy - United States Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML I agree, your life sucks 46726 You deserved it 3530 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By B-ran - France Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML I agree, your life sucks 8739 You deserved it 21545 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bailyboo - United States Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML I agree, your life sucks 31056 You deserved it 4744 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By YoshiSqu4d - 31/7/2020 20:01 Emergency cooking Today, I managed to set off the smoke detectors while cooking burgers. The cops and fire department showed up. FML I agree, your life sucks 1046 You deserved it 330 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By boo - United States Today, I learned the reason they say don't keep your phone in high humidity places. I left my phone on the counter when I went to take a shower. It now won't turn on due to water damage and the warranty doesn't cover it. FML I agree, your life sucks 7201 You deserved it 36084 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SwoopingEagle Today, my co-workers were laughing at me because I couldn't throw paper into the bin, regardless of how close I was. Annoyed, I tried to prove then wrong by angry throwing paper into the bin that was no less that 1 cm away from me. I missed. FML I agree, your life sucks 2774 You deserved it 1266 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jadehin - United States Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML I agree, your life sucks 29327 You deserved it 4380 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I fart. FML I agree, your life sucks 46898 You deserved it 8602 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By duckyou What the Duck? Today, on the way to class, I got distracted while watching some ducks and walked face- first into a concrete pole. I ended up with a black eye and three stitches. Even the nurse laughed. FML I agree, your life sucks 3564 You deserved it 1309 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mels - United States - Boston Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML I agree, your life sucks 49888 You deserved it 15669 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohhdear.___. - Canada - Hamilton Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML I agree, your life sucks 33354 You deserved it 5451 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 37274 You deserved it 4417 205 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Maxie-Nathanial - United States Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML I agree, your life sucks 34721 You deserved it 8200 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Greensburg Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML I agree, your life sucks 8753 You deserved it 599 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FeedTheBirds - United States - Estero Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML I agree, your life sucks 3358 You deserved it 471 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nothanks - United States Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML I agree, your life sucks 57779 You deserved it 5457 309 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ggirl - United States - Camarillo Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML I agree, your life sucks 64398 You deserved it 15307 242 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 08:01 - Canada Leave me alone Today, my brother turned into a fanatical vegan, and while I was eating my scrambled eggs, sat across from me glaring and whispering, "fried embryo, amniotic fluid" the entire time. I have a feeling i'll be eating most of my meals in my room from now on. FML I agree, your life sucks 1534 You deserved it 141 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By owwthatfarts - United States - Worcester Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML I agree, your life sucks 6920 You deserved it 500 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Braceyourself - United States - San Pablo Today, I went in for an audition. Since my wrist had been in a brace all week, I felt I would be fine without it for one day because I didn't want it to be a distraction. I tripped in the middle of the dance routine and crashed on top of my injured wrist. FML I agree, your life sucks 10436 You deserved it 4636 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML I agree, your life sucks 57541 You deserved it 20487 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By readytomingle - United States Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML I agree, your life sucks 18054 You deserved it 42262 258 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fattie - Malaysia Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML I agree, your life sucks 53132 You deserved it 14179 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By diapersplease - United States - Buffalo Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML I agree, your life sucks 28320 You deserved it 2698 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By halfasleep - United States - New Haven Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML I agree, your life sucks 21611 You deserved it 14604 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML I agree, your life sucks 59349 You deserved it 4207 211 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Trinity - Czech Republic - Prague Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML I agree, your life sucks 28309 You deserved it 2555 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML I agree, your life sucks 28996 You deserved it 2689 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML I agree, your life sucks 46258 You deserved it 7916 237 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - United States - Zephyrhills Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML I agree, your life sucks 2811 You deserved it 186 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unlucky - South Africa Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML I agree, your life sucks 20078 You deserved it 64894 172 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Faxshadow - United Kingdom Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML I agree, your life sucks 25561 You deserved it 19347 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Barrie Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 24638 You deserved it 1811 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML I agree, your life sucks 10569 You deserved it 40251 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML I agree, your life sucks 1489 You deserved it 103 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML I agree, your life sucks 12961 You deserved it 29082 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NVP - United States Today, I told my 10 year old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML I agree, your life sucks 26393 You deserved it 3783 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JayGatsby | 25 #6437148 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37 Could the pie not have waited till you got home? Send a private message 232 3 Reply
By MegasaurusRex89 | 28 #6437147 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37 Dean? Send a private message 181 11 Reply
By runninggirl8 | 16 #6437145 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37 what flavor was the pie? Send a private message 75 8 Reply
Reply CosmicElk | 26 #6437180 - Saturday 17 October 2015 2:01 pie flavour! Send a private message 76 5 Reply
Reply LilMissCanadian | 22 #6437318 - Saturday 17 October 2015 5:30 I don't know if that was an asdf video reference or not. Send a private message 13 2 Reply
Reply redhead_sprhro | 10 #6437362 - Saturday 17 October 2015 7:24 I assumed it was one of those apple pies from McDonald's Send a private message 6 0 Reply
Reply paravoz | 30 #6437369 - Saturday 17 October 2015 8:07 it was a creampie Send a private message 16 2 Reply
By MegasaurusRex89 | 28 #6437147 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37 Dean? Send a private message 181 11 Reply
Reply SomeoneSaveSammy | 11 #6437208 - Saturday 17 October 2015 2:36 Aw you beat me too it! hah Send a private message 12 5 Reply
Reply thatonlinedude | 5 #6437282 - Saturday 17 October 2015 4:21 and DO NOT forget the pie this time Sammy! Send a private message 22 9 Reply
Reply skye_tbfh | 18 #6437348 - Saturday 17 October 2015 6:41 oh my god yes Send a private message 6 2 Reply
Reply SubparAtBest | 23 #6437422 - Saturday 17 October 2015 9:35 *Sam walks in* *still no pie* Send a private message 20 1 Reply
Reply jocamo | 24 #6437768 - Saturday 17 October 2015 20:22 Damnit! you beat me to it too! Send a private message 1 3 Reply
Reply falloutboytrash | 10 #6438965 - Monday 19 October 2015 7:12 *cries* Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By JayGatsby | 25 #6437148 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37 Could the pie not have waited till you got home? Send a private message 232 3 Reply
Reply SystemofaBlink41 | 27 #6437173 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:54 Have you ever eaten pie? Then you know what the answer is. Send a private message 29 9 Reply
Reply itsalanis | 24 #6437177 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:59 Cake is better. Send a private message 16 25 Reply
Reply SystemofaBlink41 | 27 #6437179 - Saturday 17 October 2015 2:00 True, but pie is still great. Send a private message 7 17 Reply
Reply GeorgiaBea | 28 #6437197 - Saturday 17 October 2015 2:24 Pie never waits. It's pie. Send a private message 34 3 Reply
Reply vikky538 | 28 #6437314 - Saturday 17 October 2015 5:27 How can it be! Its a cream pie! Send a private message 1 13 Reply
Reply davincidasecond | 24 #6437421 - Saturday 17 October 2015 9:35 Stop blaspheming, 14. Stop it. Send a private message 5 4 Reply
Reply SubparAtBest | 23 #6437424 - Saturday 17 October 2015 9:37 Pie is far beyond cake its in a whole nother league! Send a private message 6 4 Reply
Reply jaspinkgrl01 | 18 #6437680 - Saturday 17 October 2015 18:00 How can one wait two eat what they love Send a private message 0 6 Reply
Reply Catdragon | 40 #6437815 - Saturday 17 October 2015 21:44 the cake is a lie, but not the pie. Send a private message 0 3 Reply
Reply spicebread | 4 #6437980 - Sunday 18 October 2015 1:06 I love eating while driving to be honest. And i'm from a country where we use gears. Send a private message 0 4 Reply
By SecundusSecunda | 27 #6437149 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37 Did you offer the officer some? Reckless little OP? Send a private message 22 2 Reply
By juicy_extasy | 25 #6437150 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:38 Hopefully the pie was worth the possible trouble it got you into Send a private message 22 2 Reply
Reply Mossyoak_kw | 28 #6437232 - Saturday 17 October 2015 2:56 It's pie, of course it was worth it!! Send a private message 16 1 Reply
By dansco | 24 #6437152 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:38 You are an idiot! So eating a pie is more important than safe driving. Genius. Send a private message 57 6 Reply
Reply quickit | 24 #6437237 - Saturday 17 October 2015 3:05 Let me spell out a word for you, s-a-r-c-a-s-m. Once you learn it I'm sure you'll understand the comment section much better! :) Send a private message 1 45 Reply
Reply Thatissarcastic | 17 #6437321 - Saturday 17 October 2015 5:46 In reality it's called facetious ;-; rip sarcasm nobody knows what you really are. Not that the comment was either of the two. Send a private message 13 0 Reply
Reply jake131000 | 21 #6438262 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:39 I can actually relate to your comment as it is something that i would also post. But understand that acting like an asshole will not get you likes. Fun fact of the day: the capital of Somalia is mogadishu Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By YumeWolf | 23 #6437153 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:39 Was the pie good, though? Send a private message 5 4 Reply
By deftones_fml | 19 #6437159 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:41 Any type of pie can't wait Send a private message 13 7 Reply
By brycemash | 9 #6437165 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:43 Must have been some of mama's blueberry pie. Send a private message 2 5 Reply
By heftysmash253 | 6 #6437170 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:51 Did you give him/her a pie-ce of your mind? Send a private message 5 21 Reply
Reply SubparAtBest | 23 #6437426 - Saturday 17 October 2015 9:39 Ok man so the word has to atleast sound right... cant just be the spelling.. So do better next time.. Send a private message 8 0 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 640 You deserved it 188 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 1137 You deserved it 176 11 Comments