Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
CountDuk 5
don't call your son an idiot. you obviously aren't cut out for being a responsible parent yet then if you talk about your son like that without him knowing.
littlemessalina 0
i really hope your son is 6 and not 20. and please, if you think for an instant that your parents never called you an idiot without you knowing, then you really need to get out more.
krispykreem 0
Your idiot son? Wow good parenting... Do you hit him too? Or just abuse him emotionally?
gclunax 0
LMAO
aaaaa12345_fml 0
does he have down syndrome?
livelaughlovinit 0
holy crap... idiot son? that's going a bit too far. i'm surprised you were even nice enough to call poison control on him... jesus.
Inoku 0
When I broke my chin open chasing my cat downstairs, my mom introduced me to the ER doctor as "my idiot son." I was 5 or 6. It doesn't mean my mom is a bad mother or she doesn't care; it's just an expression to let off steam about her kid doing something stupid so that she doesn't take out her frustration ON her kid. Sometimes kids who do know better just do dumb stuff and you can't stop them.
why_me14 0
YDI for not taking better care of your children, I know accidents happen but still!
TiffJ16 0
He is an idiot for acting his age? Hmmm...Your telling me you never put anything in your mouth that you weren't supposed to?? YOU are the idiot, for not having child proof cabinets and not being sensitive to your childs mistake.
305alive 0
volcanoes exist you ****** dumb ******. shut ur mouth you spic ass retard fukin cuntbags. the woman that wrote this has a penis