Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
zeppelin9000 0
Wow...you clearly aren't fit to be a parent. Please either grow up, or give your son up for adoption.
G_tastic 0
to all those people saying "ydi because her son thinking volcanos are real" are stupid last time i checked they are- hawii.....this is only funny if her son is over 13 lol...if not that really sucks hope he is ok
porp1 4
those people are trolls trolls look for any reason what so every to press ydi, ex: ydi for being alive; and look at their users those ppl probably feel bad for the op, but they try to make a joke of it
angelln 0
awh. :) what a cute kid. stupid. but cute!
CrunkCupcake97 2
Excuse me? My cousin is a lethargic loner, he's 22, doesn't seem to want to get a job, and plays WOW all day. I'm a teenager, but I'm an "adventurous kid" and I make straight A's.
n0lovesongs 0
Depending on how old the kid is, cut him some freakin slack. If he isn't old enough to know better, be relieved that he's okay rather than annoyed with his alleged idiocy. He's a kid. Be glad he didn't swallow bleach or something worse.
Anawnymus 0
**** your life for being an ignorant, shitty, and neglectful parent. Your child is not an idiot for being a child. But you're an idiot for not watching him or teaching him properly. ****.
that_guy321 2
you bitch, you called your son an idiot.
littlejacks4 0
Wow you're a ******* jerk. Maybe it he was a teenager and just doing it to be funny, then yes, call him an idiot. But if he wants to "make a volcano in his tummy", i'm assuming he's just a little kid and that is absolutely AWFUL you're calling him an idiot. WHAT KIND OF PARENT ARE YOU? If that happened to any normal mother, yes, shed be nervous and freaking out, but in the end when he was okay it would just turn into a somewhat funny little anecdote... instead you're making it seem like hes a burden to you. You don't deserve to be a mother.
amygattinesi 0
awwh, that's so sweet. yeah the idot wasn't needed at all. but if she is such an awful parent then why would she even call poison control? mmm. yeah.
kpark115 6
still awful D:
blooop_fml 0
The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree..