Health: Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 14:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 547

You deserved it 6 197

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/09/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 376

You deserved it 4 436

By Sica - 15/03/2012 19:28 - France

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 728

You deserved it 6 409

Ninja skills

By Anonymous - 28/08/2022 22:00

Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 116

By gassy - 12/02/2013 14:18 - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 147

You deserved it 35 658

By UkuleleTime - 23/06/2015 08:07 - United States - Garner

Spicy

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 853

You deserved it 2 414

Change it!

By man down! man down... - 01/12/2019 03:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a friend. It was really good too! Until she kicked me in my right nut while changing positions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 381

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 406

You deserved it 11 353

By luckygirl - 13/10/2015 16:20 - Croatia - Zagreb

Spicy

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 697

You deserved it 6 237

By solomantis - 30/07/2009 05:46 - Norway

Spicy

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 925

You deserved it 50 358

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 06:10 - United States - Rochester

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 588

You deserved it 23 075

Next

Top comments

emerluvsu 6

Monday 19 September 2011 18:34

That's the most original fml I've ever heard.

123zc1 3

Monday 19 September 2011 18:34

Omg I almost died laughing

Comments

zombicidal 11

Monday 19 September 2011 23:24

shoe rape Americas number one unknown issue

rallets 22

Monday 19 September 2011 23:30

epic essay arguments are epic

castrosabeast 7

Monday 19 September 2011 23:25

EWWWWW!

L3g4lPl4typus 0

Monday 19 September 2011 23:27

is it going to call you in the morning and be nice?

skippyjj1 0

Monday 19 September 2011 23:28

Nike..just do it

gymnstemily92 0

Monday 19 September 2011 23:49

Wow

julia_turtle 4

Monday 19 September 2011 23:49

Not to get technical but there's a difference between breaking your hymen and having sex for the first time. You're still a virgin.

xcrashxloved 0

Monday 19 September 2011 23:50

Look at it this way... your first time for actual sex will be all pleasure and no pain. a bike accident popped my cherry, so my first time having sex was ******* amazing haha

bubo_fml 10

Monday 19 September 2011 23:51

Your post is a "shoe in" for an FML fave!

bubo_fml 10

Monday 19 September 2011 23:53

Horse shoe?

GrammaticalNazi 2

Monday 19 September 2011 23:53

This is what I imagine the 'rough sex' portion of **** websites are like. This seems pretty rough.

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The Top

Today, after a very long, nasty custody battle with his ex, my boyfriend’s kids were finally scheduled to spend the night at our house. Today is also the day my daughter came home with a note from school about the massive lice outbreak on campus. Yup she has it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 103

Today, I found out why I’ve been covering most of the bills and the rent. Turns out my boyfriend is paying a very expensive OnlyFans subscription for his female bestie. When I confronted him about it, he responded by yelling, “It’s not like that!” and punched our glass patio door, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 576

You deserved it 241

The Top

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 953

You deserved it 7 633

Today, I mistakenly sent a voice message to my boss while imitating him in a comical way. The message contained my spot-on impression, complete with exaggerated jargon and phrases he frequently uses. I didn't realize it until I received a reply saying, "LOL, nailed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 749

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 183

You deserved it 14 740

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 117

You deserved it 1 727

Today, I went to a new doctor for an injury. Instead, the doctor only focused on my weight and tried to basically prescribe me anorexia. She tried to tell me that 750 calories a day was fine and brushed off my exercise regimen as, "Exercise is great, but you'll lose weight faster if there are no calories to burn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 175

Today, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero desire for sex. I’m well into my 20s and not a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 171