By UkuleleTime - 23/06/2015 08:07 - United States - Garner

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 798
You deserved it 2 403

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Top comments

Get payback with their sock? FYL

Steve95401 49

Pumping yourself with a pump sounds painful.


Get payback with their sock? FYL

I originally read the FML thinking OP was female. Now you make me wonder if OP is male. Either way, what the fuck.

jazmin3012 28

Your profile picture fits perfectly as a reaction to this FML

Steve95401 49

Pumping yourself with a pump sounds painful.

iLike2Teabag 27

But isn't that what all the other kids with the pumped up kicks are doing?

Don't worry about the pain, it'll heel.

You all have no sole.

If the shoe fits...

The show never fits if you know what I mean.... What I mean is I need a much smaller shoe.

these shoes are made for wa... oh

That is honestly really disturbing OP, maybe you should have a talk with your roommate about what stuff they can and can't use to pleasure their self.. Hopefully that never happens again

The fact that a conversation like that is even necessary says quite a bit about OP's roommate.

Cocoapelli 23

Short conversation. "Anything that's not my stuff." Right? There's no exceptions to that, are there?

I can only hope it wasn't a stiletto

Or a motherfucking Croc

Wait.. People still own crocs? People still SELL crocs? I mean I get little kids might like them because they can kind of design them a bit but...

There are actually some nice crocs, just not the holed ones

Weird world.

it might be time to add locks to your room

lol just lock the roommate out gg

I'm wondering how you would even do that The toe or the heel? So many questions

I'm guessing you just stick it in here and hope you figure it out eventually. Or if it's a heel, then you can use the heel if it's long enough I guess.

The other half didn't make it :( Assuming roommate is a female, I suppose you could use a thicker, more rounded heel

Depending on the shape, you could use the toe because that usually has a rubber bit on the end, so it won't be squishy it'll be quite rough, and in the right places it can do the job. I mean umm, OP's roommate is weird, don't use something that's possibly stepped in puddles of piss and everything else, use something clean which is also easy to clean. I Googled this, I swear...

PePziNL 20

70: You put way too much thought into that.

Come join us at fml, where we have discussions about how to pleasure yourself with a shoe

Sold, now tell me how to do it if I have a penis.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Do whatever works I guess which in this case it's himself (assuming it's a guy)

The Internet has made it possible for anything to be a sexual object. Even me. Rule 34: NO exceptions.

Oh dear, do I have to look up Docbastard porn now?

Google was not very helpful, my search wasn't the least bit fruitful.