Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with... - FML

By outagrand - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Fear factor

Where are you?

By Bill - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

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By Courtney - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

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By Oops - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

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By "sanza666"

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

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By RetailRage - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job working retail, I had just finished cleaning and straightening a whole aisle. This kid watched me do the whole thing. When I was done, he stuck his arm out, and ran it down the whole shelf, knocking everything off it. His mother just grabbed his hand and walked away. FML

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By Jim Smith - United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

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By Humbug - United States

Today, I checked my email after a week of no cell reception or internet while I was stuck at a family holiday cottage. There was an email offering me the RA job I've been trying to get for almost a year, telling me congratulations and to reply by Friday if I accepted. Last Friday. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

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By Anonymous - Italy

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then 'All By Myself' came on the radio. FML

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By jacked - United States

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

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By dumbfriend - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

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By HaHa Not Funny - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he had always made a point to eat some form of meat before making out with me. He'd known I was a vegetarian since the day we met. FML

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By thehaystackerine - 24/6/2020 14:02

Bad boy

Today, my family and I are spending the weekend with my in-laws, and their disrespectful, disobedient asshole of a dog. He does whatever he wants, and if I scold him, my mother-in-law in turn scolds me, then tells me how something one of us did is to blame for the dog's behavior. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot to bring my lunch to work. I got so hungry, I resorted to eating antacid tablets from the medicine cabinet for lunch. FML

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By What am I doing with my life? - United States - Aurora

Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML

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By shandrith - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

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By BrokenVow - Canada

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

A mother's love…

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

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By well then... - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

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By Titanic - France

Today, the girl I've been hitting on for months on MSN and that I'm about to meet told me "I know you are in love, and you know I'm not". Erm, no, I didn't know. FML

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By Anon - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

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By Ughhhhh - United States - Stockton

Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML

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By Singlewife

Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML

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By jimmy - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

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By thegirlofthedad - India - Mumbai

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

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By spandex - United States

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to take a break. At least she gave me a parting gift. Lice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Slidell

Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML

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By anon - United States - Irwin

Today, a very drunk woman at the family Christmas party told me she felt terrible that I don't have a mother who cares about me. She is my mother. FML

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By coloris

Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ocoee

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

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By unrequited - United States

Today, I drove the width of the country to tell the girl I've lost that I'm in love with her. She wasn't home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

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Top comments

By Intoxicunt | 5

#448045 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:28

Your mom is stupid. Yeah, FYL.

By Tiefling_Tasha | 0

#448052 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:30

Wow, definitely FYL. And punch your mom for us.

COMMENTS

By Intoxicunt | 5

#448045 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:28

Your mom is stupid. Yeah, FYL.

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#448121 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:44

But you probably deserve it if you have her DNA.

Reply

oldjakke | 0

#449715 - Sunday 2 August 2009 8:13

it looks true

Reply

voodootrucker | 0

#449988 - Sunday 2 August 2009 12:03

who the fuck doesn't have direct deposit?

Reply

xonk21 | 0

#847382 - Friday 12 February 2010 6:31

YDI for letting your mom do you shit for u

Reply

jk98girl | 0

#862646 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:08

well if your job involves getting tips then you cannot get direct deposit which would make sense in this case considering they said the money was in cash

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#930434 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 0:37

YDI for being a lazy asshole.

By Tiefling_Tasha | 0

#448052 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:30

Wow, definitely FYL. And punch your mom for us.

By xstaticdelta | 6

#448054 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:30

OMFG Send your mom to retarded school

By coopcas | 0

#448061 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:31

Oh, ouch. Hopefully they got it before the trash was taken out.

By blahblahlifesux | 0

#448074 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:33

why would you give your money to your mom to deposit it and not just deposit the money yourself? YDI

Reply

lmmmr | 0

#448079 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:33

There are so many answers to that question.

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#448602 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:07

Yes, but $1200?

What could possibly happen that she needs to deposit that money ASAP and somehow can't do it herself?

I say YDI for just not doing it yourself, until you can give me a REALLY good story about why you couldn't.

Reply

Starayo | 1

#449191 - Sunday 2 August 2009 2:48

Yeah? My dad has me deposit checks worth upwards of five grand at a time because he has to work so hard he only gets about three hours of sleep on average. Family is supposed to be trustworthy.

By whateverbro | 0

#448077 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:33

ok, you're mother is an idiot.

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#448435 - Saturday 1 August 2009 21:47

You are mom is an idiot?

Oh, the irony.

Reply

akjax | 0

#448549 - Saturday 1 August 2009 22:41

What #49 said. It's one thing when people use your in place of you're, but when they make the effort to put in the ' and e, it makes it so much better.

Reply

Zenma | 0

#448594 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:02

#49 and #62, Epic win.

Reply

jenjen23 | 0

#449327 - Sunday 2 August 2009 4:09

I love you for this!

Reply

xstaticdelta | 6

#515664 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 4:32

GRAMMAR NAZI FTW

By ugadawg13 | 0

#448080 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:34

Hopefully you can get it back. Shouldn't be a problem.

By iain08 | 0

#448086 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:34

you were just going to buy weed or hookers, YDI.

Reply

KiwiDingo | 0

#1723493 - Friday 19 November 2010 15:31

minus the fact that OP is female... hookers wouldn't really be high on her list -.-

By slinkiess | 0

#448088 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:35

How could someone mix up the deposit place with a trash can? FYL.

By aslate | 0

#448104 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:38

k, y were u sending ur mom 2 do somethng u couldve done just as (if not more) easily?

Reply

sadistmonkey | 19

#448346 - Saturday 1 August 2009 21:01

I agree...

Reply

lawdylawdylawdy | 0

#448415 - Saturday 1 August 2009 21:39

maybe her mum was going to the bank anyway...

or maybe she was just busy and her mum wasn't...

there's loads of reasons why...