Money: Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused...

By SilverAuthor - United States - Detroit

Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15259

You deserved it

2038

Favorite

Money

Catch 22

Compassionate dad, huh?

Masterchef 2020

By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44680

You deserved it

5988

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22986

You deserved it

15175

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/4/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Stay at home, especially you

Today, I got tested positive for coronavirus, caught from my antivax neighbor who doesn't understand personal space. She calls herself a "Doctor", so "knows best." She has a PhD in psychology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

952

You deserved it

160

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 07:01 - Ireland

Deadbeat

Today, exactly a year after he ended our relationship days before our son's first Christmas and told me he would always be in mine and our sons lives, I learned my ex got a new girlfriend several months ago, who more than likely is the reason he stopped calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

781

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By mustachioed - United States

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18018

You deserved it

18760

Favorite

By Jace - United Kingdom

Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33372

You deserved it

5697

Favorite

By Danielle22291 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, as a waitress at Denny's, I had a 25 top table. Only 3 of them spoke English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4812

You deserved it

451

Favorite

By why.mom

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3032

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By mallcop - United States

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28722

You deserved it

2621

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51215

You deserved it

4851

Favorite

By K.S.S. - United States - Rushville

Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners and "sleep overs" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26405

You deserved it

4256

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Glendale

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36248

You deserved it

4187

Favorite

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

721

You deserved it

2105

Favorite

By mandybar15 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38112

You deserved it

6648

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 23:00

Zoomed out

Today, I had a low blood sugar attack and almost passed out during class while over Zoom, which my professor then decided to bring attention to by calling me out for "sighing" about the research paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1523

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By pubes - United States

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29364

You deserved it

2957

Favorite

By sleeplessinrichmond - United States - Bronx

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43661

You deserved it

2944

Favorite

By single again - United States - Chico

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52959

You deserved it

5250

Favorite

By Irritated - United States - Muncie

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12751

You deserved it

857

Favorite

By storyofmylife - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44380

You deserved it

3984

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 05:00

Tricky situation

Today, my roommate in our barracks posted trans hate-speech on Facebook. My choices are to report him and risk ending his military career, confront him and risk him finding out I'm trans, or do nothing and live in fear of him figuring me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2064

You deserved it

476

Favorite

By sex sent me to the Er

Life imitates bad art

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

787

You deserved it

1936

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21794

You deserved it

41200

Favorite

By Anonymous - Belgium - Schepdaal

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54146

You deserved it

3758

Favorite

By Carowl

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24143

You deserved it

2884

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44097

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32330

You deserved it

2907

Favorite

By Username - France

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32105

You deserved it

2907

Favorite

By BW - United States

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79577

You deserved it

6254

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68437

You deserved it

14952

Favorite

By Heartbroken - Australia

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25255

You deserved it

5593

Favorite

By CashChamp20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a necklace from one of her guy friends. She loves it. It's a heart shaped necklace. She doesn't see a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45019

You deserved it

6880

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 11:02

Rom-com

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend who I'm crushing hard on that I like her. She gave me a look of revulsion and asked if I was joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1055

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By Uniforms

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4473

You deserved it

397

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Wedding dress

Today, I walked down the aisle when a bug flew into my mouth. In a response, I threw up on my beautiful white wedding dress. I had to party and be in the pictures in someones spare pink dress for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2145

You deserved it

235

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29212

You deserved it

2569

Favorite

By chriss - United States

Today, my mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work. I brown bagged my lunch this morning. She brown bagged the poop from the litter box. Both were on the counter. Guess which one I brought to work? FML

I agree, your life sucks

62883

You deserved it

14623

Favorite

By Joe - United States

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34616

You deserved it

22327

Favorite

By SuperBunny - United States

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27805

You deserved it

61869

Favorite

By Alittlebitiffy - Australia - Caloundra

Today, for the 16th day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9038

You deserved it

1256

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DToast | 19

#6661526 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:13

Hopefully you explained the situation and she understood, otherwise that would suck

By almost_there44 | 26

#6661569 - Saturday 30 July 2016 21:10

I'm the same way OP. Now that I'm older, I pay for things that my mom would have usually paid for. Kind of like a "thank you" for being a great mom. Hopefully once you explain she'll understand.

COMMENTS

By SnapeIsGood | 20

#6661510 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:03

You can't blame your mum for thinking that

angelnursery | 18

#6661515 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:06

wouldn't you kind of hope your mom would know you better than that?

izzajaneful | 24

#6661518 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:07

Especially after you had been offering her money.

By toolazytotype99 | 18

#6661516 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:06

Caught red handed smh

By arano | 29

#6661517 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:06

You couldn't have just left the money somewhere else? You should never go into a woman's purse.

By bradleybaldwin | 9

#6661521 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:10

You should have just let your mom pay for lunch. Moms love to pay for their children every now and again when they get older. It makes them feel good!

Mike3258 | 18

#6661751 - Sunday 31 July 2016 2:56

wish my mom would do such a thing....

By DToast | 19

#6661526 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:13

Hopefully you explained the situation and she understood, otherwise that would suck

By EvilLittleMan | 23

#6661527 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:14

Good intentions. Bad results.

By WolliBolli | 23

#6661529 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:17

Hopefully she understood. Seems fairly obvious it was the other way around, as you had just insisted on paying for the meal... I hope she's not immune to logic

By almost_there44 | 26

#6661569 - Saturday 30 July 2016 21:10

I'm the same way OP. Now that I'm older, I pay for things that my mom would have usually paid for. Kind of like a "thank you" for being a great mom. Hopefully once you explain she'll understand.

By H4H | 15

#6661571 - Saturday 30 July 2016 21:11

Good Intentions
Bad Timing
I'm sure if you explain she'd understand, OP

By barlos88 | 19

#6661573 - Saturday 30 July 2016 21:15

Apologize anyway and let her keep the money. You still get to help her out and she can save her pride