By Elizabeth Ann Technically, that's stealing Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML I agree, your life sucks 1553 You deserved it 158 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Luke - United States Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML I agree, your life sucks 18329 You deserved it 36286 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By love you too mommy - United States - Brentwood Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML I agree, your life sucks 46383 You deserved it 5265 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By onthetoilet - France Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML I agree, your life sucks 34470 You deserved it 3302 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dixienornous - United States - Rohnert Park Today, my wallet got stolen. I don't have a photo ID to get a temporary debit card, and since I don't have a debit card, I can't go to the DMV to get a new license. FML I agree, your life sucks 14040 You deserved it 1146 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ... - Canada - Airdrie Today, I fell down the stairs and landed heavily on my foot. Because I wasn't crying, my mom refused to take me to the hospital. It took me an hour of agony to convince her. It turned out to be broken in three different places. FML I agree, your life sucks 30103 You deserved it 1774 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kidswithnomanners - United States Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML I agree, your life sucks 32241 You deserved it 10220 195 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML I agree, your life sucks 35710 You deserved it 6508 237 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By What? - United States - Needham Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML I agree, your life sucks 25071 You deserved it 2191 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML I agree, your life sucks 32333 You deserved it 92024 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML I agree, your life sucks 43581 You deserved it 5259 195 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By youknowwhatitis - Australia Today, I learned how to wolf-whistle properly, and then learned what it feels like to be slapped on the head. FML I agree, your life sucks 10704 You deserved it 35850 149 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By The_HML - United States Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML I agree, your life sucks 72870 You deserved it 11108 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 17:01 So sorry I called you a dingdong Today, I sent a draft email to my boss. The receptionist, thinking they were being helpful, forwarded it straight to the client. It's not ready for the client. I mean, it is NOT ready for the client. Really, really not ready for the client. FML I agree, your life sucks 1425 You deserved it 192 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Matthew - United States - Largo Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML I agree, your life sucks 5046 You deserved it 300 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DisturbedMan - United Kingdom - Maidstone Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML I agree, your life sucks 65920 You deserved it 5906 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jessie - United States Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML I agree, your life sucks 47501 You deserved it 9504 226 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oddy - 17/11/2020 05:02 - Italy Keep your distance Today, I travelled by myself for the first time. I was seated next to a middle-aged man who was trying to convince me that I was his soulmate, kept touching my face and sniffing me. I'm 19 and it was a 6 hour flight. FML I agree, your life sucks 1131 You deserved it 63 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By too cool - United States - Carpentersville Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML I agree, your life sucks 44265 You deserved it 3335 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jen - United States Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 7709 You deserved it 27755 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Owned - Taiwan Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML I agree, your life sucks 7893 You deserved it 28201 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymousse - United Kingdom - Pontypridd Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML I agree, your life sucks 23670 You deserved it 1542 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wakinginvegas87 - United States Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML I agree, your life sucks 38654 You deserved it 5280 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mrteacher - United States Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML I agree, your life sucks 17154 You deserved it 47111 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while driving I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML I agree, your life sucks 7942 You deserved it 66261 186 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CessnaPilot - United States Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML I agree, your life sucks 26853 You deserved it 6434 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML I agree, your life sucks 29232 You deserved it 8062 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By monster in law. - United States Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML I agree, your life sucks 36173 You deserved it 3407 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML I agree, your life sucks 55438 You deserved it 31889 692 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By not getting laid - United States - San Antonio Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML I agree, your life sucks 24028 You deserved it 90602 354 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KayKay - United States - Ware Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML I agree, your life sucks 13297 You deserved it 1339 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By starrybrooke - United States Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML I agree, your life sucks 55436 You deserved it 9897 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hitnmiss66 - United Kingdom - Birmingham Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 29383 You deserved it 2099 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fantastic - United States Today, I was walking to my car tonight when I saw a large man walking behind me, I hurried to open my car as he was approaching quickly, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasnt even my car. As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. FML I agree, your life sucks 12086 You deserved it 48646 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By schwange - United States Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 46889 You deserved it 3871 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 14:00 Spreading it around Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML I agree, your life sucks 1565 You deserved it 213 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By katshay8 Today, I went to the doctor for allergy testing. Apparently, one of my worst allergies is cats. I'm a "crazy cat lady" who loves anything cat-related and has 3 cats. Allergy shots, here I come. FML I agree, your life sucks 2331 You deserved it 489 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Butter_Cup - United States Today, my mom sold the car I've been working on for the last few years for 100 dollars. To buy gas for her car. FML I agree, your life sucks 43688 You deserved it 2787 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML I agree, your life sucks 80937 You deserved it 12560 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML I agree, your life sucks 1972 You deserved it 260 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By why - 6/11/2020 23:01 Delusional Today, I was at work. I had a male patient expose himself to me. He then apologized and said he thought that's what I wanted. FML I agree, your life sucks 1010 You deserved it 80 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I wore leggings without underwear. When I got in the car after a busy shopping day, I realized that my pubes had poked through the fabric and my... I agree, your life sucks 89 You deserved it 352 2 Comments
Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML I agree, your life sucks 844 You deserved it 65 4 Comments
