Technically, that's stealing

By Elizabeth Ann - 04/10/2019 22:00

Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 160

This Charming Man

No need for a reason

Today, on Judge Judy…

By peacechick25 - 02/01/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, as a finisher to a date with my girlfriend we decided to park behind the school and mess around. As we were pulling into a dark shaded spot, she drove straight into a snow bank. We spent the rest of our time together trying to dig the car out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 618

You deserved it 27 595

By explainer - 08/11/2011 17:54 - South Africa

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 145

You deserved it 7 415

By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 20:51 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 225

You deserved it 3 642

Wakey Wakey!

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 172

By BelleCharmante - 14/07/2011 04:50 - United States

Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 162

You deserved it 2 322

By Pandy1031 - 09/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 205

You deserved it 381

By Oops - 25/12/2012 11:17 - United States - Augusta

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 707

You deserved it 30 586

By corleon198425 - 19/02/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 051

You deserved it 2 369

By Anonymous - 25/09/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 855

You deserved it 3 922

By no booze, no boyfriend - 04/06/2013 20:31 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 874

You deserved it 4 631

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 15:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 695

You deserved it 4 655

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 14:58 - United States - Springfield

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 364

You deserved it 72 165

Blast from the past

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 23:01

Today, I found a USB stick my husband was hiding. I checked and it had hundreds of pictures of girls from porn sites and Instagram. That wasn’t the issue. Hidden in those pictures was a pic of his ex-girlfriend, with whom he has not been with past 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 209

Marriage going well is it?

By Long sufferer - 21/02/2021 02:01

Today, at 5:30 a.m., my wife woke me to order milk for our business because she forgot to do so last night. She then chewed me out for doing it there and then, waking her up. I'm apparently useless, always complaining and in a bad mood about the most mundane things. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 86

By BarBacked - 15/04/2013 07:31 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 508

You deserved it 4 076

By friedchicken - 12/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, I was following my friend to her house in my car, because I didn't know where it was. I'd been following her for at least an hour when she pulled into a gas station. Turns out I'd been following the wrong car. I have no idea where I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 754

You deserved it 10 622

By sad_dad - 24/10/2009 17:35 - Canada

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 950

You deserved it 10 213

What's more embarrassing?

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I pulled out an annoying nose hair with a tweezer and it made me cry. Not particularly painful but it triggered the tear duct. Had to pretend it was from yawning when someone asked why the teary eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 199

By Bill Harrison - 19/07/2011 15:19 - United States

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 367

You deserved it 6 727

By Lexi801 - 19/09/2014 01:56 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 809

You deserved it 2 876

By HansonLUVR - 12/03/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 185

You deserved it 79 016

Is that even legal?

By Monkeys aren't pets - 07/12/2020 23:04 - United States - Millersville

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 20:54 - Denmark

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 994

You deserved it 6 109

By DQB - 24/05/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 093

You deserved it 61 803

No, not them!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 12:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 635

You deserved it 45 145

By Bee - 31/08/2009 16:28 - United States

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 358

You deserved it 91 712

By orgasmsareoverratedanyway - 25/09/2012 17:42 - Norway - Myre

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 808

You deserved it 5 228

By blech - 08/12/2014 23:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 703

You deserved it 2 543

By Cali girl - 03/04/2014 16:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 122

You deserved it 7 552

By hometown blues - 26/06/2019 20:30

Today, I’d been dying to escape my dreary hometown, but had panic attacks at the thought of being on my own, but at last, I'd found a place I could afford. Turns out, the guy I was going to rent from was just arrested for murdering his last tenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173

You deserved it 316

By almostmugged - 17/09/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 003

You deserved it 55 092

By TheSublime - 21/10/2009 13:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 768

You deserved it 4 623

By someone72 - 22/03/2010 23:20 - United States

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 827

You deserved it 7 568

By Anonymous - 10/02/2014 15:40 - United States

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 952

You deserved it 21 056

Snowflakes

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 10:58 - United States

Today, I bumped my head on a tool box. When it happened, I yelled, "Fuck." I got fired from my job for cussing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, at work, an old lady came through my line to buy some groceries. She told me she lost her purse and was a little short. It was busy, so I pulled out my little purse and gave her the money she needed. A few minutes later she returned with my boss, insisting that my purse was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 692

You deserved it 3 254

By Too much skin? - 18/02/2018 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 549

You deserved it 365

By fenris - 30/08/2016 17:36 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid runs up to me and throws up. It was a 10-hour shift, I was one hour in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 011

You deserved it 700

By Mug - 24/04/2012 20:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 642

You deserved it 2 134

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Sinshine 27

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Friday 4 October 2019 22:30

stolen*

J15237 25

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Tuesday 6 April 2021 20:51

Never trust anyone with the location of your money. Even parents. I feel bad for you.

Comments

Sinshine 27

Send a private message

Friday 4 October 2019 22:30

stolen*

J15237 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 April 2021 20:51

Never trust anyone with the location of your money. Even parents. I feel bad for you.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 14

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 57

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 253