Love is…

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 14:00

Today, I went to a job interview. At the end of it, after I had got the job, my new manager said, “See you soon.” I then accidentally replied, “You too, love you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 363

The smell detective is on the case

Our house, in the middle of our street

Hello?

By Failure2017 - 04/11/2017 19:30 - United States

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 354

You deserved it 464

Nope.

By Just Set Me On Fire - 13/09/2017 23:15

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 013

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 14/07/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 727

You deserved it 8 827

By tortured - 27/11/2013 03:11 - United States

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 178

You deserved it 4 565

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 225

You deserved it 7 427

Just good friends

By JennyPenny - 23/11/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years never posts me on his Facebook, yet his girl “bestie” is always on his tags, comments, etc. He recently went to a party and put a picture of them two as his profile picture. He’s confused as to why I’m upset, and thinks I’m “overreacting.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 147

By Crappyfayman - 23/02/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 641

You deserved it 3 573

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:56 - United States - Hermiston

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 358

You deserved it 3 255

Tom Cruise

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 20:00

Today, my wife and I are moving cross-country. At a rest stop, my wife complained of foot pain. I said, "Use your cruise control" and she replied "What's that?" I spent the next 10 mins teaching my 30-year-old wife what cruise control is, how it works, and how it differs from Tesla's autopilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 285

Mom gets some

By not a photographer - 21/06/2020 08:08

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 129

By Who1s269 - 03/05/2013 12:13 - United States

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 119

You deserved it 8 368

By fuck off, eh! - 07/03/2014 21:25 - Canada - Milton

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 348

You deserved it 5 081

Ace in the hole

By IHaveThePower - 19/11/2021 11:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out the test for a yeast infection is a vaginal exam. I've never had a deeper understanding of my own asexuality than in the moment a stranger, with another stranger as a chaperone, was poking at my intimate parts while I couldn't see what was going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 163

Creepy Dick Pic

By huh? - 18/09/2019 13:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me a photo of him getting head from a gorgeous woman. He captioned it “Jealous?” with smiley emojis. I’m not sure what’s creepier, the fact that he sent it, that he even has my new number or that we broke up more than 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 576

You deserved it 125

By behold the Underminer - 14/08/2018 13:00

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 672

You deserved it 125

By GiraffeLover - 11/01/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 199

You deserved it 7 048

By toazt - 10/10/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 429

You deserved it 3 483

By anonymoose - 30/05/2013 00:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, in the middle of our one year anniversary dinner, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend showed up declaring her love for him. They left together and I had to take the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 198

You deserved it 3 355

By ReComatosed242 - 09/03/2016 00:29 - Bahamas - Eleuthera

Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument. It ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they looked like "fresh, popping doughs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 906

You deserved it 1 387

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 181

You deserved it 32 567

By Paramedic - 17/11/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 005

You deserved it 4 435

By pirate prude - 11/07/2017 20:00 - Canada

Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I was going to exit from the front. Without thinking, I responded, "Oh no, I'm more of a backdoor kinda girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 958

You deserved it 2 022

The road to hell, good intentions, all that jazz

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 05:01

Today, in the process of leaning over the sink to close the drain so my diamond earrings wouldn't fall in as I put them on, I dropped my diamond earring down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 657

By worldsmosthonestdad - 12/05/2017 14:00

Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 990

You deserved it 534

Generic Happy Birthday gif

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 14:15 - United States

Today, I'm still trying not to cry. Yesterday was by birthday. I got an e-mail from my dad with three words, "Happy Birthday (nickname)". I got a Facebook post from my mother. No card. No phone call. No gift. I have become nothing more than a Facebook friend to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 26/12/2013 17:27 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 528

You deserved it 5 787

By Anonymous - 16/06/2018 15:00

Today, after massive bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, and doctor visits lasting weeks, I finally got a diagnosis... from my puppy's vet. I got Giardia from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 215

You deserved it 348

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 131

You deserved it 53 906

A Poopy Proposal

By aliciababy24 - 25/07/2017 21:00 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, while on a weekend away, my boyfriend and I went for a walk. I now get to tell everyone the story of how my boyfriend got down on one knee into a pile of cow shit while proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 255

You deserved it 556

By Zzz - 30/01/2017 16:00 - United States - Brighton

Today, I took a team meeting from home. More specifically, my bed. Because I make great decisions, I ended up falling asleep. At some point during my nap, my cat walked over my keyboard, turning on my webcam. I woke up to my video on and no one left in the meeting. Everyone saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 309

You deserved it 5 630

By first time at McDonald's in months... - 27/03/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 163

You deserved it 19 288

By payne - 04/01/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 653

You deserved it 6 190

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 02:07 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 726

You deserved it 3 873

By carrottop - 07/01/2011 12:12 - Australia

Today, I finally found out why my fish were dying in their tank. My younger sister had been spraying detergent in there because she wanted "to make the fish smell like lemons". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 070

You deserved it 3 014

By Genius - 25/06/2019 14:00

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 1 817

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 764

You deserved it 368

By Anonymous - 06/01/2010 05:06 - United States

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 289

You deserved it 26 676

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 852

You deserved it 5 844

By poo4brains - 28/04/2012 04:42 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 998

You deserved it 3 603

By shrimp41 - 14/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 821

You deserved it 16 204

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Top comments

rotflqtms_ 21

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Monday 30 September 2019 15:21

You don't know how many times I have to bite my tongue so I don't accidentally say that at work. like I'm super cautious every time I say bye not to add I love you or anything. Don't worry, it happens. Laugh it off. Admit your mistake if you feel like it. "Oh crap, I'm used to saying I love you after that." I'm sure no one will think you're weird.

Sady_Ct 37

Monday 30 September 2019 14:40

Hope you still get a start date and you don’t end up feeling too awkward about it all.

Comments

Sady_Ct 37

Monday 30 September 2019 14:40

Hope you still get a start date and you don’t end up feeling too awkward about it all.

rotflqtms_ 21

Send a private message

Monday 30 September 2019 15:21

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 30 September 2019 17:54

Cue the porn music...

Felice Godin 19

Send a private message

Monday 30 September 2019 18:07

that is some funny shit right their but dont feel to bad your not the only one has done that

Sonotsuave 33

Send a private message

Tuesday 1 October 2019 4:21

Just laugh it off and apologize, saying you’re used to saying that often to your family/friends. Then follow it up with a professional exit and start doing exceptionally well at the job so that it’ll blow over soon