Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
WTH happened?
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Party girl
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I wanted to go clubbing with my friends. I started drinking at home to save on the price of drinks, instead I fell asleep on my couch. FML
Partaaaaay!
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Occam's razor
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Top comments
CharliesCool2084 8
How did you get in?
vhivfe 3
Awkward...
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Comments (217)
vhivfe 3
Awkward...
Rommel1942 9
Awkward for him... But for the family it's GET THE GUNS!
nerobluerose 10
If it was my house you would have woken up in jail.
eeppiicc 8
Impressive drunk breaking into house skills. I now know who to call if I need in a house!
outstandtacular 11
I want to know if you were anywhere near your house..?
happle 21
How did you get inside...?
ManInTheMachine 19
^How did you not see the 10+ people that asked the same question before you commented?
trivel64 16
"Today, I woke up to find a sleeping drunk man on my couch. I have no idea who he is. FML"
Drigr 9
I'm curious if the cops were even called. For all we know, the OP woke up before anyone even noticed. That is, until the realize their couch reeks of urine and booze.
kyarush 10
If it was my house you'd wake up with my USC .45 in your face.
DespairFaction 11
Haha I would have shaved your eyebrows and covered your face with epic sharpie drawings before I woke you up to kick you out.
downtime 12
Today, I drunkenly-YDI.
Mirequetz 6
Please... try to be more creative. OTTAWA - Breaking into a home, drinking beer, pooping in the pool and then passing out got two young men in hot water -- one of them literally. They were discovered Sunday morning when the homeowner woke up around 5:40 a.m., one fast asleep on the couch, the other napping in the Jacuzzi.
KeyboardMe 2
The location says Canada, so I'm assuming that what they say about Canadians is true, and they DON'T lock their doors. I heard stories about this before, and some American guy did a show or something on it.
sanchogrim 18
If it was my house he wouldn't of even made it to the couch.
BananEnigma 24
Yeeeeaaahhhhh..... We also ride polar bears to school in the year-round blizzards, and our igloos FINALLY just got central heating! Jesus.....
speedsk8r4evr 1
Dumbass
thejewishfuhrer 17
Drunkass
biggestfan23 11
These things are pretty common lol. One of my buddies did the same thing and threw up on the couch too
xoconnie 8
Guys that's a little harsh lol
randii_17 11
My brother once did what op did - it was the house next to his. He was so close.
c8750 2
One of my friends broke into the hotel room next to ours by accident in a drunken stupor. Was absolutely hilarious in the morning
ilovesuju 10
How did OP even get in?
louiseth 9
As soon an alcohol is involved everyone immediately jumps to the 'dumbass' calls. Such a cynical age.
IndridWarm 23
113: If someone gets drunk enough that they enter the wrong house or pees on the floor, then they've obviously drunk more than they should have. Ergo, dumbass.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Thank god u didn't get caught or else u'd be waking up in a jail...
asdaasdaasda 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I doubt it. You're too stupid to spell, pretty sure contacting the police is outside your mental capacity...
daminantion 14
52, your grammar is disgraceful; nor does your collective of verbatim have any relevance to the topic. And I'd agree with the comment, if anyone was home where OP woke up, there would be some interrogating going on, cops or shotgun alike.
ManInTheMachine 19
daminantion: Because of you I read 52's comment three times. There is nothing wrong with his grammar. But, considering this has zero relevance to the FML aside from being under it's comments section, I suggest we get back on topic.
ManInTheMachine 19
Damn, I forgot to add: I agree with the rest of your comment, though.
asdaasdaasda 1
64, stand up. Walk away from the computer. Get out the house. Get yourself a life and stop trying to be a smart arse.
ZTD09 2
64, grammatically you can't use "nor" without first using "neither".
reddudeover 2
77 - Does a 10 second google search. WRONG!
baddawg365 0
My question is why is he (64) talking about how the guy uses exactly the same words... Verbatim means precise repetition of words... And I for one do not see 52 using anything from the post or other comments verbatim.
JoeSaysSsso 2
Are you kidding me 64? Your grammar and sentence structure is the worst in this comment thread. Get a life.
therealslim 15
77- that's not true, but I thumbed you up because 64 is an arse hole
merkel 3
This is great!!
Rowdey 10
Canadians..
Rowdey 10
Awesome..
ryanLinke 4
that sounds fun. i bet the owners of the house were happy to have a new guest!
PrimeEvilTahir 24
I doubt it - would u be happy to have a drunk passed out on ur couch? I'd shoot first and ask questions later...
lk2481 4
It's called sarcasm.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Aaaaww it's funny because he would not be happy to have a new person in his house.... Im sorry im just starting to understand sarcasm as I'm an immigrant like Fouad from Family Guy :-)
SkoomaKi 27
#18 - I hope you were using sarcasm for shooting someone then asking questions. You shouldn't kill or injure a person without a valid reason. (A stranger napping on the couch is not one).
nerobluerose 10
You never know. They could have been planning to molest your wife or daughter after they took a nap because of being tired from their last victim.
yo_bro_hoe 5
OP is Canadian, what are they gong to do?
xXUND3ADcityXx 0
^Were I am in canada my city is like the ghetto why do you think they're gonna do
CharliesCool2084 8
How did you get in?
PrimeEvilTahir 24
I'm sure that's what the owner must've asked with the same expressions as ur avatar pic
xDMACx12 7
Or with yours.
failureusername 12
It would be an entirely different FML if OP woke up to 15's expression. I for one would shit my pants.
noe1387 0
Probably just walked in. A lot of people don't lock up their houses
speshlk37 13
OP's from Canada. They don't need to lock their houses in Canada.
evilplatypus 38
62 - My town of 14,000 has a whopping two break-ins a year and it's usually vehicles, not houses. Most people don't lock their doors. My father doesn't even bother shutting the front or back doors; he just closes the screens.
Llamacod 11
my guess, and this is only a guess, is through the door
Mauskau 35
Jeez people are so trusting. Where I live there isnt much robbery in the part of town I live but I'm still paranoid about it lol.
PlaidPanda 9
Now I know where to either move to have a nice peaceful life, or to steal shit... CANADA!
BigDirtySteez 1
Haha ya, being from Canada myself, we don't need to lock up our houses.
thatoneguy79 10
80) I was thinking he was practicing for Christmas Santa and slid down the chimney (bonus chimney cleaning for them!) before coming to rest on the couch. Now that I think about it, I suppose the door might work too.
xleanne_aLly 23
I'm from Canada too, my auntie who lives down the road's house was broken into three times. Mine never but living beside two cops might help.
baddawg365 0
6- That's Jenna Marbles isn't it?
CharliesCool2084 8
198 - Yes, it is.
hollie77 6
perhaps the people that live there should have been a little more concerned >:)
cradle6 13
This situation reminds me of something. Anyone remember this: "um one time i was sleeping and yknow dreaming and i was dreaming that my mom was making soup for breakfast and i was like dude who makes soup for breakfast so then I uh woke up and i went downstairs to get yknow breakfast and i realized i was in the wrong house THAT WAS TOTALLY KYLE."
pfclunchbox005 1
Nice ****
vhivfe 3
Today, I woke up and saw a man that I've never seen before sleeping on the couch. Apparently he was so drunk, he mistook our house for his house. Now my husband thinks I cheated on him. FML
SkoomaKi 27
I'm surprised you weren't chased out the house by some crazy housewife. Was the couch comfortable?
sincerelyjay 13
*Family walking into living room* "let's go watch a movie- WHO THE F**K ARE YOU?!" OP: "Shit."