Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
WTH happened?
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Party girl
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I wanted to go clubbing with my friends. I started drinking at home to save on the price of drinks, instead I fell asleep on my couch. FML
Partaaaaay!
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Occam's razor
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Top comments
CharliesCool2084 8
How did you get in?
vhivfe 3
Awkward...
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Comments (217)
DocBastard 40
Why are so many people asking how OP got in? Isn't it obvious? This happened in Canada! Everyone leaves their homes unlocked because crime is so low! This story is just a great example of how people meet and make new friends in Canada.
Axipiter 24
Hahaha! You beat me to it; also it explains why he wasn't shot.
64ponygirl 1
Love reading your comments, Doc.
Roflsauruz 12
Not sure whether to laugh, or be slightly offended.... But you're right. :D Also: Someone did this to me as well (crashed on my couch by accident after stumbling on in, in a drunken stupor.) My mother was not impressed. No, she was not. D;
Axipiter 24
You can't be offended by it if you're Canadian. It violates the laws of nature.
Roflsauruz 12
Well aaaactually, 107, to me it came across as saying that Canadians are tutti frutti hippies that make friends with everybody .... Hippies with peace, love, etc and we're too careless to lock our doors or we don't care about the (un-)likelihood of someone robbing our house.... ..... I know that's not what Doc meant ;) Anyway: I lock my doors at night and when no one's home. My mom, however, does not. Plenty of Canadians lock their doors, and plenty don't - probably only the ones who live in rural areas... So not EVERYONE keeps their doors unlocked because we'd love to be best friends with a potential robber, heheh.
Axipiter 24
Sorry. As usual, sarcasm doesn't translate well to text. I think it's ludicrous to be that trusting, regardless of where you're from. I'm assuming Doc waa being sarcastic as well, but not sure.
kimmy91 12
99 you should be proud crime rates are so low where you come from :)
thebassplayer88 2
True story
BubbleGrunge 18
Teach me, OP, how to be piss ass drunk and still make it in a strangers house without being caught!
perdix 31
I wonder if no one else noticed, or since they are Canadian, they were so polite that they let this drunken stranger sleep on their couch undisturbed? Q: How do you get 100 Canadians out of a pool? A: You ask them to get out of the pool.
bobgooeyflonder 6
Your first like was from me. You're welcome :)
LadyGore 12
I'd rather be a polite Canadian then an ignorant American. At least if I go to another country they don't want to kick me out. (:
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
It's pretty ignorant to stereotype americans as ignorant. Not all of us are stupid and fat.
perdix 31
#45, CTFD. I'm not making fun of Canadians for being polite. I admire that!
Axipiter 24
It's also pretty ignorant to spell ignorant "ignorent". Especially when trying to make a point about ignorence.
darwinism 30
45, unless you have dual citizenship, you can't be a polite Canadian, and THEN an "ignarant" American. So, myself not being Canadian, although more or less polite, I shall offer you this short course in grammar: Then: a point in ******* time Than: a ******* comparison You're welcome and have a lovely day!
Roflsauruz 12
57/63: I don't see where she misspelled 'ignorant'.... Must have corrected it within 120 seconds after posting it, no? :/.... Also, I agree with her post - but only when we're talking about the people who fit the stereotype (or if we're referencing a specific oerson, etc.) However, There are plenty of people in America that are fat, rude/inconsiderate, "trigger happy" (or they just have a gun... Lol), Yankee doodle dandy, arrogant/loud, undereducated about countries other than their own, etc.... JUST AS there are plenty of Canadians who drink multiple cases of beer a day, constantly watch/participate in hockey, say "Eh" (me, for example! But not with a lame accent) or 'about' as "ABOOT" (only the far easterners, Newfoundland and etc., love maple syrup, and some of us also have *GASP!* traits similar to American stereotypes! (although I'd like to point out that no body actually lives in anything CLOSE to an igloo, and our health care is not "FREE": the parts we -don't- pay for directly are what we pay 15-18% in taxes in Ontario for.) Anyway, I think I've rambled... And lost my point. :D anyway, have a nice day, commenters!
perdix 31
#114, I read that whole thing and now I need a nap. Do you find you often have that effect on people around you? :D
Trisha_aus 15
So the US & Canada relationship like us Aussies & kiwis?? Btw, I like canadians, cheers!
AliceLockehart 18
My best friend is Canadian :3. He's lovely.
daminantion 14
114, 15-18% tax? You must live in niagara and for some reason pay tourist tax lol. It's 13% Ontario wide, changing per province as per state in the U.S.
badassmf1234 22
So true
Axipiter 24
177 - It's different for every province, isn't it? This is just an ignorant Ontarian talking, but I thought Alberta and maybe BC have higher tax rates. Not entirely sure though...
rooney0710 5
You could have realized that your somewhere worse. Way worse. Like your exes house
Axipiter 24
*you were. You can't even actually use "you're" there.
SLRfan 4
This app needs a "LMFAO" button, 'cuz this is hilarious! ^^
Roflsauruz 12
........ Only for the creators to get sued for being "insensitive" :B
Drew167 8
How'd you manage to get inside the wrong house ?
Trisha_aus 15
Oh looky, another fella without a head and a shirt...
LadyGore 12
I think the home owners kinda deserve it for not locking their doors....
Roflsauruz 12
The homeowners are lucky that a -drunk- is ALL that entered their house that night.
KrayKrayGurl117 7
How did you get into the house?
luccmon 6
I feel that it's more the home owners fault for not locking their doors.
Soliz27 2
Wow, I definitely would have shot you.