Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
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Top comments
ruben7467 0
it happens. thank god you have concerned neighbors. not a fml
allmidnighteyes 11
At least they cared enough to notice.
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Comments (103)
jessica_x3 0
fail
too_much_fun 0
Hey, my comment used to be first, but now this one replaced it? Oh well. What my comment said was: Moral of The Story: drinking is dumb.
thebigone_fml 0
people on here are so high and mighty. i should just stick to tfln...
cerebellum_fml 0
agreed thebigone
Starchild21 3
How is drinking dumb? Don't blame the drinks for making you retarded. If you cheat on a girl because you were drunk, you still cheated so don't try and plead the 5th of Jack. Seriously people that blame the alcohol are retarded. __________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
havetoadjust 0
you're retarded for giving random people you don't know on fml your myspace ..not saying i don't agree with your opinion on drinking just saying you're retarded as well :)
thematt_fml 0
ya basically. remember, sober thoughts are drunken actions. but another moral is to pass out in the lawn. better view, better story
TheLetterZero 7
Take a look at this situation. There's a much higher chance that the OP wouldn't have lost his keys if he wasn't "staggering home drunk". So, it's right to blame the alcohol here. Try comparing "staggering drunk" with "walking while aware." Also, please don't say drinking is not dumb when the OP overdrinks. It just makes you look like the retarded one.
lmngrl889 14
like half of you people don't get drunk. geez give op a break
Rintharnian 0
Well, you kinda deserved it...
020266t 5
now it's officially official, the entire world sucks
ruben7467 0
it happens. thank god you have concerned neighbors. not a fml
stone_light 0
kinda sorta is an fml cuz theres usually a false alarm fee, unless the neighbors had to pay it
fudrick 0
Obviously the neighbors would have to pay, because they made the false alarm.
Sun_Kissed18 25
Yeah exactly, would you rather have someone actually break into your house and your neighbors grab the popcorn and watch instead of calling?
tintiddle 0
How rude, the police were trying to protect your home and woke you up. D:
Einstein714 0
better safe than sorry, they were looking out for you, YDI for getting hammered
allmidnighteyes 11
At least they cared enough to notice.
toastnbuttrcheng 0
At least you weren't arrested for being black.
HahaYDI 0
Wow, F your life because you have good neighbors...
drmike_fml 0
no he didn't deserve it. he is just lucky he was in his house. haha
your_face 15
Yeah, he didn't deserve it - it's not his fault he's drunk. It's not like he chose to drink alcohol, right?
AndreaHatesYou1 0
1- You have neighbors who would call the cops if someone broke into your house, you're lucky. B- YDI. I hate when people basically say "I got drunk and did something because I was drunk. FML."
your_face 15
I just have to say, I love your numbering system.