Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.
drybamboo 0
I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.
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Comments (246)
Xaos 0
If she's a vegetarian she *SHOULD* suck dick.. where else will she get her much needed proteïn?
missmurderx 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hilarious. not. ima vegetarian(:
LittleMissMack 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Haha it was a cute let down. But, you need to drop her. What kind of girlfriend doesn't give ********? I'd feel weird if I didn't give my boyfriend ********.
blueandpurpleroc 4
o-o just ewh.
Bl4ck_1c3 2
*GASP* 12 has a boyfriend?!?!?!!
Sethlikesgirls 0
ewwwwwww haha
ksimmons1124 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I need more thumbs to stick up for this comment. Disagree with the dumping her bit, but I totally get you- it would just be WEIRD for me to not give my lover ********!
ohmygaaawsh29 0
199, I'm also shocked :/
twisted_tails 0
WTF thts just nasty what's wrong with you
JaneChemi_fml 21
there's NT wrong with her liking oral. everyone has different preferences. and yes even us bigger girls are attractive to some people. not everyone has to be a coat rack :)
nevergiveinever 19
some of us girls just like to wait to do things like that when we're in a relationship. if the relationship isn't going anywhere, then I'm definitely not going to do naughty things with that person. I would rather wait and see if they're going to stick around before doing dirty things with them that could turn into mistakes if they don't stay or just turn into a horrible person.
texmas 0
Unless you are regularly going down on her, you have no standing to complain. Like the ****** gap wasn't wide enough without men expecting free head. Use a condom, and you're fine.
Lucicx0 0
HAHA what does she think your dicks a sausage, and yea screw vegetarians.
EriccaLuv 0
there's nothing wrong with vegetarians WTF
jeffandjeff 22
Except for the fact they don't eat meat.
JuJuBeeSunshine 0
Ditch that bitch. Next to sex, eating is the most sensual thing there is. If she's not adventurous in the kitchen, it goes without saying that she won't be adventurous in the bedroom. Tell her to grow up and put her big girl panties on....well, actually tell her to pull them off and join the party ;)
loludeserveit 0
win!!!
TBR 0
It is not the first time I've heard of this. And #6 they are not the same thing at all.
DEATHx2 0
ha ha shes funny. get rid of her.
krishna1791 0
yeah, i've actually used that excuse before. @ 14, why screw vegetarians? unless you had a girlfriend who didn't suck you off because SHE was vegetarian, you should back off 15, 17, 18: you're assholes.
b0ss42nine 0
you do realize you ARE number 18 right? idiot
quesidias 0
ftw
moralpolice 0
#11. That's pretty funny.
mleeb 0
This is fmylife.com NOT a site for that load of balls you've just published. Take that crap elsewhere.