By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Spicy
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
I agree, your life sucks 41 520
You deserved it 14 745

Same thing different taste

Comments

exactly #39 don't swallow problem solved! lol

Hidan_fml 0

#39, I was thinking the exact same thing, haha.

cradle6 13

It's a good source of protein, and she's a vegetarian so I'm 99% sure she's protein deficient.

So #92, when did plants stop having protein?

Also, #92, where does it even say she's a vegetarian? Diet does not equal vegetarianism.

fjretsel 1

you have a dumb bitch for a girlfriend.

one teaspoon of sperm is 5 calories :D

I_R_Genius 3

Lol damn OP that does suck, but atleast she's trying to lose weight though, so you got to cut her some slack. But hey, it's high in protein so you can just add it to her diet (I think).

Anaxes 5

You can't ADD protein and lose weight, you have to replace a meal WITH protein for it.

I_R_Genius 3

#11, yes you can add protein to your diet. I work out everyday after work and I add a protein shake after every work out. Protein builds muscle and helps you lose weight.

Anaxes 5

Protein gives energy. If energy is not used, it is STORED as fat. The point of my post was the adding protein =/= easy weight loss.

WTF!!!!!! FML! double posted that and didn't my original

bella789 8

ahah. I like the "blondes" picture.

brelinxboo 0

Tell her it's a new protein shake like SlimFast.

xSgtTh0masx 0
daaron 3

omfgi love you never thought about that lol babe here's some spermfast promise it hurts it's like all you suck my bad eat buffet you hungry come here and suck I mean eat a sperm shake lollypop Popsicle sausage chocolate butterfinger a chocolate Twinkie and last but not least my dick with filling lmao

DGAFprincess 0

daaron: that was complete and utter jibberish.

Should've mentioned sex, it's a great calorie burner.

it doesn't burn that many calories unless you do it for more than 3 hours. trust me, I know :P

Doesnt she know that sperm is healthy for teach?

Love did. Swallowing is by the way much better than spitting it out, because 1) the (sometimes horrible) taste is immediatly gone 2) it takes less effort 3) it is much sexier to see. But everybody does what he/she is most interested in.

Shadow_Phantom 26

IMO putting your mouth anywhere near that is disgusting on its own... swallowing it even worse.

iloveboyswittats 10

Putting it in your mouth is not disgusting by any means. I think it's a really big turn on and I love knowing I'm pleasing my man. But that's just me

Anyway just tell hee she will burn more calories in the process, if you know what i mean, so in the end its all good.

86, are you thirteen or something? As long as the man's dick is clean, I don't see where it'd be disgusting.

TylersBoo 0

Exactly! It just makes sense. But personally, whenever I'm on a diet I still swallow for my boyfriend.

just return the favour;) saving silverman.

Well she'd work the calories off if she gave you a proper ********.

I think she is just trying to get out of giving him a ********. He should remind her that they aren't married. He should also remind her that blow jobs are safer as far as pregnancies are concerned. Having a baby makes you gain more weight than sperm :)

janise 2

@ LoveMySoldier82: How is reminding her they aren't married going to help the OP get a *******?

It was a joke. People say that after marriage women don't feel the need to give blow jobs cause they got what they wanted...

RawrNom 0

actually, it's closer to a thousand calories depending on the man/boy you're giving one too. I study nutrition at college and my teacher likes to throw in sex jokes. some can be 500+ where as others are 900+ but no one should have 5 calories. considering that there's thousand of sperm and each sperm needs the energy to swim and move and fight to get towards the egg, they're bound to be fattening. :) gross much?