Transportation: Today, while at Subway, I looked on as an employee killed a fly...

By Shoofly - United States

Today, while at Subway, I looked on as an employee killed a fly with his hands. He then continued working without a second thought. He was making my sandwich. FML

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Transportation

Proactive

Little shit

Expanding universe

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML

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By Anon - Australia

Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after 2 days of not showering. FML

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By John - United States

Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML

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By dusk - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

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36947

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By notAMrs - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, I called off my engagement, after finding out my fiancé is cheating on me. I recently started a new job, and in anticipation of getting married, I asked that my username include his surname. They can't be changed, so now I get to log in every day under that sorry bastard's surname. FML

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By stinky skunk - Canada

Today, my dog ran away. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well, but I ran after him anyway. Thinking I had caught up to him, I grabbed him. It wasn't my dog. It was a skunk. FML

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By too young for this - United States

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

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By pdub523 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

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By Maiar - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

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37564

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By lizzy1843 - United States

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

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By tycrist8 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

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By grossedout - United States

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

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By larrythelobster - United States

Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML

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7337

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By badhairday - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

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44744

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By Worst City in the World

Today, I traveled through a winter storm to NYC. After a miserable interview, I got in my car and drove only 200 feet before being pulled over and ticketed for momentarily picking up my GPS. Today's total: 5 points, $150, no new job, and 6 hours of driving in a Nor'easter. FML

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By crb25453 - United States - Stafford

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2020 20:06 - United States - Orange

For the union makes us strong

Today, I found out that the owner of my workplace hasn't been paying any of the bills and that all 10 people on my crew and I will be losing our jobs in a matter of days. FML

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By bluediva24

Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

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29789

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By GodDaughter - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML

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By 1415926 - United States

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all 3 campuses of the state college. FML

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By Brotherssuckkk - France

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you're going to pour bleach on bugs to kill them, you need to be prepared for them to fly up and try to attack your face. FML

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By Oopsie

Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of my Tinder conversation to my mom, instead of my friend. Yes, it was dirty. FML

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877

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wittenberg

Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML

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By pubemilkshake - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

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41717

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By Tired - Philippines

Today, my building's elevators were temporarily out of service. I climbed up 17 flights of stairs only to realize I left my keys downstairs. After the painful climb back up, the elevator lights came on. FML

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43636

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By damn... - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a job conference. At lunch, I saw this stunning guy. At dessert time, I coughed so much that the piece of chocolate cake in my mouth went straight onto his glasses. I think it's too late to introduce myself now. FML

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34634

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By daughter - Sweden - V?rg?rda

Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML

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29660

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By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

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By "daddyrobyn"

Today, my aunt informed me that my cousin's only problem with his girlfriend is that she's not me. FML

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2314

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By Oops

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 02:01

Receptacle

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

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830

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By La Guigne - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

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32566

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to perform with my Orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

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By icy - United States - Prairieville

Not fair!

Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML

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By geli

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

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By the attention seeker - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

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By Pissed - United States - Asheville

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

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Top comments

By odexy | 12

#2150619 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:51

YDI if you didn't speak up.

By Doortje | 29

#2150621 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:52

Just walk away and get a sandwich elsewhere.

COMMENTS

By bigphill1333 | 0

#2150612 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:50

yummy

samadams42 | 0

#2151027 - Saturday 5 March 2011 2:49

Aaand that is why women should be the ones making the sandwiches.

noradaron | 0

#2151030 - Saturday 5 March 2011 2:50

^ I lold.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2151081 - Saturday 5 March 2011 3:14

OMFG THERES A BUG IN MY ROOM!!! GET IT OUUTTTTT!!!!!!!

josephhhhhh | 0

#2151224 - Saturday 5 March 2011 4:25

fyl? are you kidding me. well op if your that naive and stupid and would not stand up for your rights there is no one to help you! so don't complain and tell him to wash his hands and do not be shy, since you are the one eating the sandwich no that fly killer dude!!

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#2151314 - Saturday 5 March 2011 5:17

^^THIS.

cfalen | 0

#2151790 - Saturday 5 March 2011 11:30

atleast it was fresh...

By odexy | 12

#2150619 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:51

YDI if you didn't speak up.

Pinkanani | 12

#2150674 - Saturday 5 March 2011 1:00

I agree!

Zmeilerr | 22

#2150685 - Saturday 5 March 2011 1:03

Fucking comment bug!! Could a moderator please have this deleted?

sgenfkshe | 5

#2151007 - Saturday 5 March 2011 2:44

lol I also agree! op should have asked for themto wash their hands and make a new sandwich.... lol

persianjr1 | 7

#2151107 - Saturday 5 March 2011 3:26

hey, more protein right? lol

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2151197 - Saturday 5 March 2011 4:08

Damn, I'd've eaten it anyway!

UnderstoodCat | 0

#2151266 - Saturday 5 March 2011 4:50

OMFZ is that a DOUBLE contraction?

mike3775 | 32

#2151304 - Saturday 5 March 2011 5:09

I would have asked to speak with the manager, then walked out, called corporate and complained.

aleclikestacos | 8

#2151377 - Saturday 5 March 2011 6:06

I would have probably complained and gotten them fired... >:D

impatientsnake | 4

#2151383 - Saturday 5 March 2011 6:09

yep yep u shoulda said something

cahlalsteel | 1

#2151447 - Saturday 5 March 2011 6:40

exactly. I would have just turned around and walked out (the subways around me never have a manager and usually only one employee working)

uncbballwins | 0

#2151479 - Saturday 5 March 2011 6:51

You would have to be an inconsiderate, bitchy asswipe to want to get someone fired. Just ask them to wash their hands and make a new one. Win Win situation.

naughtia | 14

#2151571 - Saturday 5 March 2011 7:46

free extra meat! yummy

BuzzKill13 | 0

#2157543 - Monday 7 March 2011 4:33

omfZ? oh my [email protected]$king Zork?

Ashlei69 | 4

#5982373 - Friday 20 June 2014 23:48

#83 your a moron. if you have a problem speak up.. dumbass

By Doortje | 29

#2150621 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:52

Just walk away and get a sandwich elsewhere.

By track69 | 3

#2150626 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:52

that's disgusting. but YDI you gotta say something

By lolomgwtgdairyqu | 0

#2150639 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:54

eww thats gross u should have told him

By marinus_fml | 19

#2150656 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:57

It coulda been a lot worse. At least he didn't kill a rat with his bare hands.

kittygirl316 | 0

#2150778 - Saturday 5 March 2011 1:33

I think a bug is much worse (>_<)

cahlalsteel | 1

#2151454 - Saturday 5 March 2011 6:42

haha

clarissa_Gyall | 0

#2152160 - Saturday 5 March 2011 17:21

that's disgusting.

By Pepefenito | 0

#2150659 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:58

Extra ingredients should cost more lol you tight

By EmmyRahh | 5

#2150660 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:58

fake.. all subway sandwich makers must wear gloves..

By Calyx_fml | 21

#2150662 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:58

If you paid for it and ate it then you deserve it. Shoulda said something or walked out.

By Zmeilerr | 22

#2150665 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:59

You should have told him that you're not eating that because his hands were dirty and demand that he wash his hands and remake it. That's what I would have done. You're the customer, and if you're running the risk of an infection or illness just because an employee's hands are dirty, then you deserve a clean sandwich.