Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.
drybamboo 0
I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.
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Comments (246)
joesabeast 0
my God your dumb to be honest its disguisting and i dont get why girls do it, but yea your dumb if you wanna get blown go be gay or something cause obviously your to immature to be in a relationship with a girl.
poisonoak 0
You definitely deserved that, you shouldn't expect her to do something like that if she hasn't already. Her using the vegetarian excuse was probably her way of being nice, not that she actually thinks its like eating meat.
DDDDana 0
#12- What kind of girlfriend doesn't gove ********? Maybe the kind of girlfriend who thinks sex should be after marriage? Or the kind of girlfriend who thinks relationships should be about more than sex? Maybe the kind of girlfriend with morals?
Somedude88 0
#64 Calling people "*****" isn't exactly nice either. While I agree with your viewpoint on sex, I don't think it's right to lord it over other people by calling them names.
FuzzMonkey09 0
The moral of the story is--DONT date vegans
baseline 0
@ #48: you say 'old-fashioned'; I say prude. I can honestly say I wouldn't marry someone who wanted me to wait until after the wedding because I wouldn't want to risk spending the rest of my life with someone who is a dud root.
white_mouse 0
I have to admit, this sucks for you, no pun intended. :'( But using the vegetarian thing made me imagine that she was pondering literally munching on that ****. Like cutting that shit up and stuffing it in her oven. SO BE THANKFUL THAT ISN'T THE CASE. ROFL
gregthestrange 3
yeah, if she doesn't want to go down on you, tell her you won't go down on her. fair trade
Amkii 0
#78 - Thank you! Exactly!! #79 - I understand that, and I basically agree... except I think they deserve it, if they're choosing that lifestyle. ;) #81 - Same thing. ;) I understand your point of view, though. Almost all guys I've ever met/known/talked to have that same opinion.
urbanrendezvous 0
i'm a die-hard vegetarian, and i blow my boyfriend about 6 times a day, on average.
Zakuraa 0
You're disgusting.