Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
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Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.
drybamboo 0
I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.
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Comments (246)
krishna1791 0
it's actually not that funny at all.
jleowags48 0
actually. ya it is
ZING_MASTER 0
That's one MEATY ZING!!!
Seegtease 0
...that's the lamest reason ever. She could just say, yanno, "I don't really want to."
LittleMissMack 0
lol @ #18 you called yourself an asshole.
legitasaurusrex 0
your hat is ugly.
marryjaneex0 7
^ew ... your a bitch
Makismo 0
Well how much more natural and meat free can you get than semen? Tell her that! lol
ThatAznKiddEric 0
Damn man, girls have the worst and most hurtful excuses. wtf is wrong with saying no
alex_vik 1
Well, that's what happens when you date a vegetarian. Don't expect them to make sense.
cimcr8zee 0
Semen is vegetarian, but not vegan. If she is vegetarian, she was just using that as an excuse. And as someone with personal experience, some vegetarians are plenty adventurous in the bedroom...
0___0 9
"If she's a vegetarian she *SHOULD* suck dick.. where else will she get her much needed proteïn?" ikr i'm a vegetarian but I always make an exception for mah man meat <3_<3 !~
jESuS_lOVeS_mE69 0
Tell her it's tofu
talonbronson 0
lol