Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.
drybamboo 0
I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.
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Comments (246)
Fa7_fml 0
@#94- the fact that she makes up an excuse to not do it means she'll to it for other things in life. That's Fail. I'd hate that in a partner. A "no I don't want to" is better.
wafflemonger 0
#69, CRAP, you're right. >.< Got my terms mixed up...but I haven't taken bio since 7th grade. Thanks for the correction. Also, heh-heh, 69.
Blind_Ninja 0
I don't want to sound like a dick or anything, but if I was with a girl who refused to give me head, then I wouldn't stay with her for long. I don't have any problems going down on a girl. However, if a girl doesn't want to go down on me, then either she needs to be okay with me getting head elsewhere or then she needs to be okay with me dumping her because of that. I happen to like ********. Depending on the person, I happen to sometimes like ******** more than sex. If ******** aren't an option, I don't see myself in a long term relationship with that person.
BurnMaster 0
I want to date #12 lol
Sciamachy 0
#64: "I believe in sex after marriage, not before" - Well, speaking as a married guy I can tell you it's pretty much a myth. D: FML!
Zelduh 0
I'm a vegetarian and I suck **** all the time... and I love it. Then again I'm also a guy and I'm gay but still... tell her to stop being a bitch she's not chewing your **** and swallowing it and digesting it lol. **** meat is vegetarian-friendly
klilianac 0
LMAO :)
ByFender_fml 0
#102 : "I'm a vegetarian and I suck **** all the time... " I love this sentence !
lololol_fml 0
Your girlfriend is an idiot, if thats why she won't anyway.
DDDDana 0
#99-You're a freaking jerk. Seriously, just because a girl doesn't want to give you head you'd break up with her? Isn't there more important things in relationships? Like love and companionship maybe? Get a freaking life.
Jimboom 12
Well if she is a vegetarian then she defiantly should suck you off... and swallow. Probably needs all the vitamins and protein she can get! And wtf? Sucking dick is eco-friendly. And no animals were harmed in the process of extracting it. So wtf??